Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Your sister sounds like she is really not in a mentally healthy place, but from what you have described it also sounds like you and others are pushing hard to be allowed to see the baby. I think step one is to lay off on that. As others have said, focus on asking sis how things are and top suggesting get togethers. Its clear that she is not comfortable with that and all the pushback in the world is probably just going to make her more and more uncomfortable. If anyone from your FOO is going to be talking to her about what is an appropriate level of risk, I'd say leave it to the pediatrician sister and everyone else back off (or maybe everyone back off, but if there must be a messenger on this, let it be the pediatrician).

BIL does need to insist on an evaluation for PPA/PPD. Hopefully he will be successful in that.

[Anonymous]

I'm not defending OPs sister. I just do not believe OP at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really weird. I know tons of babies born since 2020 and none of their parents are like this. The people defending OP's sister sound as crazy as the sister does. OP, I'd talk to the husband alone and see if he can get her to see someone. He's really the only one with any say.

Op here. Our pediatrician sister had a baby several months ago! She is behaving and acting normally. Taking her baby son out for walks, to the store, to see our family indoors, to the park etc.

Serious question for all the posters who think I’m nuts/obsessed etc- are you people really not leaving your houses? Like still? In 2022?

This is DCUM - the land of forever quarantines and "healthy boundaries." This is not a friendly audience for your concern.

You are not nuts.

I have an infant and guess what? I don’t want to take my baby indoors/let anyone hold the baby to avoid Covid until there is a vaccine. I am actually sick of and tired of people acting like parents shouldn’t worry about babies. It’s so dispectful to judge people who do not buy into the “big kids will be fine” narrative. Yes, most kids are fine - but maybe some of us don’t want it to be OUR KID until there’s a vaccine available like everyone else. Have some empathy and stop judging people for how they decide to protect their unvaccinated family.

Also, this is not fun for me but I love my baby and would never forgive myself for taking precautions I know can protect my baby. It’s my choice just as it’s OP’s choice as to how to handle this horrible situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s so telling to me that you’re more worried about the access you don’t have to the baby than you do for your sisters obvious concerns about mental health and well-being.

You clearly don’t have much of a relationship with her to discuss any concern about HER, and you would rather just have everyone validate you with your disdain for her “crazy” right now.

Know what? PPA, PPD, and even post party psychosis are a real actual medical problem, and not just in people that you might like to paint as flakes.

You have received so many suggestions about PPA/PPD in your. Two threads that you’ve chosen to ignore in favour of making it all about you, that I’m wondering what your mental health issue is, but it’s starting to look like it’s straight narcissistic drivel.

You know what could help PPA/PPD/PPP? A loving, supportive environment with less stress. People who will guide her to medical and psychiatric health for her health, safety, and peace of mind so she can be the best mother she can be, not as a means to an end to hold a baby that isn’t some kind of family possession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s so telling to me that you’re more worried about the access you don’t have to the baby than you do for your sisters obvious concerns about mental health and well-being.

You clearly don’t have much of a relationship with her to discuss any concern about HER, and you would rather just have everyone validate you with your disdain for her “crazy” right now.

Know what? PPA, PPD, and even post party psychosis are a real actual medical problem, and not just in people that you might like to paint as flakes.

You have received so many suggestions about PPA/PPD in your. Two threads that you’ve chosen to ignore in favour of making it all about you, that I’m wondering what your mental health issue is, but it’s starting to look like it’s straight narcissistic drivel.

You know what could help PPA/PPD/PPP? A loving, supportive environment with less stress. People who will guide her to medical and psychiatric health for her health, safety, and peace of mind so she can be the best mother she can be, not as a means to an end to hold a baby that isn’t some kind of family possession.

Except I stated in the first post “this isn’t about seeing or touching the baby anymore”
And I’ve asked for, and thanked people for offering suggestions on how to handle/initiate the mental health conversation…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s so telling to me that you’re more worried about the access you don’t have to the baby than you do for your sisters obvious concerns about mental health and well-being.

You clearly don’t have much of a relationship with her to discuss any concern about HER, and you would rather just have everyone validate you with your disdain for her “crazy” right now.

Know what? PPA, PPD, and even post party psychosis are a real actual medical problem, and not just in people that you might like to paint as flakes.

You have received so many suggestions about PPA/PPD in your. Two threads that you’ve chosen to ignore in favour of making it all about you, that I’m wondering what your mental health issue is, but it’s starting to look like it’s straight narcissistic drivel.

You know what could help PPA/PPD/PPP? A loving, supportive environment with less stress. People who will guide her to medical and psychiatric health for her health, safety, and peace of mind so she can be the best mother she can be, not as a means to an end to hold a baby that isn’t some kind of family possession.

Except I stated in the first post “this isn’t about seeing or touching the baby anymore”
And I’ve asked for, and thanked people for offering suggestions on how to handle/initiate the mental health conversation…

If you’re so concerned, why are you not researching PPA/PPD? The main point of your threads seems to be to slag her and her choices. You even go into more details in further posts. You continue to focus on her choices about the baby,a do not about her mental health in general, or really, HER.

A concerned post might go something like this:

“I’m very concerned about my sister’s mental health since she had her baby. She is isolating, very anxious about normal interactions, and her husband is also concerned about her well-being as she is is not (eating, drinking, sleeping, etc.). She is normally really stoic, but I really feel she might need to get assessed for PPA. I’m not sure how I can help guide her to help, and support her family. We’re not normally close, but I’m very concerned about her well-being. Does anyone have experience and suggestions?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister sounds like she is really not in a mentally healthy place, but from what you have described it also sounds like you and others are pushing hard to be allowed to see the baby. I think step one is to lay off on that. As others have said, focus on asking sis how things are and top suggesting get togethers. Its clear that she is not comfortable with that and all the pushback in the world is probably just going to make her more and more uncomfortable. If anyone from your FOO is going to be talking to her about what is an appropriate level of risk, I'd say leave it to the pediatrician sister and everyone else back off (or maybe everyone back off, but if there must be a messenger on this, let it be the pediatrician).

BIL does need to insist on an evaluation for PPA/PPD. Hopefully he will be successful in that.

Ped sister has tried to take on the messenger role. Other sister has deemed that all of us have bad judgment and engage in risky behaviors
Her dh has been fine going along with it to some degree, but he’s opened his eyes that it’s getting worse, not better
And frankly it’s now impacted him with regards to the family travel he wants to take

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister sounds like she is really not in a mentally healthy place, but from what you have described it also sounds like you and others are pushing hard to be allowed to see the baby. I think step one is to lay off on that. As others have said, focus on asking sis how things are and top suggesting get togethers. Its clear that she is not comfortable with that and all the pushback in the world is probably just going to make her more and more uncomfortable. If anyone from your FOO is going to be talking to her about what is an appropriate level of risk, I'd say leave it to the pediatrician sister and everyone else back off (or maybe everyone back off, but if there must be a messenger on this, let it be the pediatrician).

BIL does need to insist on an evaluation for PPA/PPD. Hopefully he will be successful in that.

+1

And the bold is why you're getting so much pushback, OP. I don't think many people here think you shouldn't leave the house at all because of covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop posting about it on the Internet and start talking to her husband about having her assessed for postpartum anxiety.

Do you have suggestions on how to phrase the conversation?

This.

Say: I think your wife may have post partum anxiety on top of regular pandemic stress.

And, stop worrying about her or trying to force your SIL to so things. Hopefully she will receive some help, an since the baby gets older be more confident. She's a new mom, give her a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really weird. I know tons of babies born since 2020 and none of their parents are like this. The people defending OP's sister sound as crazy as the sister does. OP, I'd talk to the husband alone and see if he can get her to see someone. He's really the only one with any say.

Op here. Our pediatrician sister had a baby several months ago! She is behaving and acting normally. Taking her baby son out for walks, to the store, to see our family indoors, to the park etc.

Serious question for all the posters who think I’m nuts/obsessed etc- are you people really not leaving your houses? Like still? In 2022?

your judgement is showing. If you actually are concerned about your sister, you wouldn't be continually posting on an anonymous forum looking for validation that she is "abnormal"

And as someone who had a December baby, well before the pandemic started ... i also rarely left the house for the first few months, other than Drs appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

Thank you…I’m flabbergasted that people think it’s reasonable rational and normal to say “it’s not safe to be outside”

I dont think PPs said it's reasonable to think that way - it seems PPs think it's reasonable for the OPs sister to SAY that you get you to back off bc your family clearly isnt respecting her boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s so telling to me that you’re more worried about the access you don’t have to the baby than you do for your sisters obvious concerns about mental health and well-being.

You clearly don’t have much of a relationship with her to discuss any concern about HER, and you would rather just have everyone validate you with your disdain for her “crazy” right now.

Know what? PPA, PPD, and even post party psychosis are a real actual medical problem, and not just in people that you might like to paint as flakes.

You have received so many suggestions about PPA/PPD in your. Two threads that you’ve chosen to ignore in favour of making it all about you, that I’m wondering what your mental health issue is, but it’s starting to look like it’s straight narcissistic drivel.

You know what could help PPA/PPD/PPP? A loving, supportive environment with less stress. People who will guide her to medical and psychiatric health for her health, safety, and peace of mind so she can be the best mother she can be, not as a means to an end to hold a baby that isn’t some kind of family possession.

Except I stated in the first post “this isn’t about seeing or touching the baby anymore”
And I’ve asked for, and thanked people for offering suggestions on how to handle/initiate the mental health conversation…

The mental health part of the conversation is the whole issue. There aren't two parts here. You can't pressure someone with anxiety to do what you want. That's not how anxiety works. She's going to clam up more. The only thing you can do is to talk to your brother ONCE and then back off.

When SIL gets better, and approaches your family, you can see the baby. If your brother can work something out otherwise/before then, that's great. But, your SIL is a real person (not just a womb) and it's not your child or your marriage.

I have nieces and nephews too, I can understand how frustrating the situation feels. But, you all have to calm your baby fever. It's not appropriate right now. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s so telling to me that you’re more worried about the access you don’t have to the baby than you do for your sisters obvious concerns about mental health and well-being.

You clearly don’t have much of a relationship with her to discuss any concern about HER, and you would rather just have everyone validate you with your disdain for her “crazy” right now.

Know what? PPA, PPD, and even post party psychosis are a real actual medical problem, and not just in people that you might like to paint as flakes.

You have received so many suggestions about PPA/PPD in your. Two threads that you’ve chosen to ignore in favour of making it all about you, that I’m wondering what your mental health issue is, but it’s starting to look like it’s straight narcissistic drivel.

You know what could help PPA/PPD/PPP? A loving, supportive environment with less stress. People who will guide her to medical and psychiatric health for her health, safety, and peace of mind so she can be the best mother she can be, not as a means to an end to hold a baby that isn’t some kind of family possession.

Except I stated in the first post “this isn’t about seeing or touching the baby anymore”
And I’ve asked for, and thanked people for offering suggestions on how to handle/initiate the mental health conversation…

The mental health part of the conversation is the whole issue. There aren't two parts here. You can't pressure someone with anxiety to do what you want. That's not how anxiety works. She's going to clam up more. The only thing you can do is to talk to your brother ONCE and then back off.

When SIL gets better, and approaches your family, you can see the baby. If your brother can work something out otherwise/before then, that's great. But, your SIL is a real person (not just a womb) and it's not your child or your marriage.

I have nieces and nephews too, I can understand how frustrating the situation feels. But, you all have to calm your baby fever. It's not appropriate right now. -np

... probably came off hostile by using caps. Sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

I had a winter preemie long before COVID and our doctor gave us instructions that sound a lot like what your sister is following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

OP is nuts and this woman cannot be bothered with her. Its not PPA or anything else and its common sense to keep newborn away with cold. flu and covid.

Away from who if you’re just walking outside?