Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jesus just let it go. You sound unhinged.

+1

Definitely some obsessive genes in that family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? Under 8 weeks without *any* shots, I would be that way also.

1. Drop off a meal, cookies or flowers. Leave them on the porch or have them delivered. Something that she'll appreciate
2. Give her some time
3. Tell her husband to be supportive
4. Suggest to husband that they ask at the baby's wellness appointments what the baby's doctor says is safe

Good luck - I feel for everyone here. Not easy to navigate.

Over 8 weeks and has had first round of shots
She will not accept food. We tried previously to drop off things to her. She believes it’s a COVID risk. She is still wiping down Amazon packages with Clorox wipes, etc. i am not trying to make fun of her- just trying to convey where she is at.
Dh is in a tough position because he has gone along with her preferences since March 2020. But like many of us, he’s ready for a gradual but eventual return to normalcy. He has not seen any of his family in 2 years because “they” weren’t comfortable with any travel. He suggested driving a ridiculously long way to see his sickly relative on lieu of flying (even though flying safer in all aspects) she said he can drive only if he will not stop. No rest stops no bathrooms, drive through food only and using the bathroom off the side of the road i guess.

He's going to have to force the issue here. That's the bottom line. Unfortunately, I think she can legitimately use the excuse of the baby up to 6 months. But he can take a first step by going to see his relative.

[Anonymous]

Good for her OP. Its nice to see her care about her child's health. Leave her alone already. I will not see my relatives like you. And, given how they are I don't care if I ever see them again. This has to be fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Over 8 weeks and has had first round of shots
She will not accept food. We tried previously to drop off things to her. She believes it’s a COVID risk. She is still wiping down Amazon packages with Clorox wipes, etc. i am not trying to make fun of her- just trying to convey where she is at.
Dh is in a tough position because he has gone along with her preferences since March 2020. But like many of us, he’s ready for a gradual but eventual return to normalcy. He has not seen any of his family in 2 years because “they” weren’t comfortable with any travel. He suggested driving a ridiculously long way to see his sickly relative on lieu of flying (even though flying safer in all aspects) she said he can drive only if he will not stop. No rest stops no bathrooms, drive through food only and using the bathroom off the side of the road i guess.

Gift BIL a luggable loo.

[Anonymous]

That sucks. She’ll regret alienating everyone once some sense kicks in and nobody cares to fawn over her toddler, having been rejected over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop posting about it on the Internet and start talking to her husband about having her assessed for postpartum anxiety.

Do you have suggestions on how to phrase the conversation?

The conversation with her husband? “Hey BIL, I’m really worried about sis. She seems super anxious about risks, and at first I kinda understood but it’s starting to feel like now it’s something more than just nerves. Some women develop something called post partum anxiety, and it can be really debilitating. I think pediatricians can screen a new mother for it - you can probably call ahead of your next appointment and raise the concern”.

[Anonymous]

I had to laugh at some of the responses siding with the sister. Some people are really unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so she has post partum anxiety. In a pandemic. Have some empathy. You sound truly heartless.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t want to see you, OP. So back off. And stop talking about her with the rest of the family and on the internet.

[Anonymous]

I had post partum anxiety and people telling me to do things I wasn't comfortable with "because you have post partum anxiety" definitely wouldn't have helped me.

Unless she's doing something dangerous or harmful back off and be patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's her baby. Any chance she secretly hates all of you and is using Covid as an excuse to not see or be around all of you? You do sound really annoying.

+1 You can’t possibly be this desperate to see a baby that isn’t yours, OP. You just don’t like your sister. You are weirdly obsessed with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's her baby. Any chance she secretly hates all of you and is using Covid as an excuse to not see or be around all of you? You do sound really annoying.

+1 You can’t possibly be this desperate to see a baby that isn’t yours, OP. You just don’t like your sister. You are weirdly obsessed with this.

Not OP. I’m close with my sister and was dying to hold my baby niece for the first time. The feeling was mutual for my sister of course but OP is not weird. Her sister is the weird one.

[Anonymous]

She knows you’re talking about her behind her back (which you are) she knows you’re having disparaging conversations with her husband about her (which you are) she knows it’s driving you completely nuts that you’re not the boss of what she does with her own child (which it clearly does) so why o. Earth would she want to spend time with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband.
Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours.
That really is ok.

Her husband has come to us asking for help. He thinks she’s gone from “COVID cautious” to “off the rails and borderline hypochondriac”
His words.
He is of the mindset that it’s time to move on from never setting foot in stores, never traveling again, never seeing family.
He has parents too that want to come visit.

First off, I don't really understand the people piling on you here. You and your BIL know your sister best. Agree with a PP that you should talk to your sister about her. I think the husband needs to tell her that he's concerned that this is more than just caution and he wants to go to an appointment with her for an evaluation.

Agree this has to come from her spouse. If I were him, it would be a line in the sand: he will accompany her to the doctor (OB or primary physician would work) for an evaluation where they can talk through what is going on with the anxiety in a safe space. It would be nonnegotiable for the marriage. But frankly there isn’t a role for you as the sister to play here other than to reiterate your love and support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband.
Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours.
That really is ok.

+1 she's got a tiny baby to take care of and protect, let her do that in whatever way works for her. She's the one that has to live with the decisions she makes