Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband.
Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours.
That really is ok.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a new mom to an infant, I wouldn’t trust you to respect my boundaries or be respectful/empathetic even on a walk. I bet your sister is just avoiding you. I would. It is such a hard time as a new parent and you seem to lack empathy/be focused only on the baby (which isn’t yours btw and you have no entitlement to see) rather than your sisters well being. I hope that you can find a way to apologize to your sister and ask how SHE is doing. Otherwise, you risk her not wanting to spend much time with you.

PS - New moms hate feeling forgotten especially now. It is hard in normal times to feel like people just fawn over the baby and don’t ask how you are. It’s even harder now.

My thought as well. Pushy people lack boundaries and think once they get a foot in the door, they own the place. I had a friend deliver just a few weeks ago and I was welcome to come over, but they asked that no one hold the baby. It was fine and I’m happy to be in the small handful of people who have been invited over. I couldn’t imagine the anxiety a new (first time) mom would have trying to make the right decisions for a newborn in a pandemic. It’s part of why I’m trying to wait to have our first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

OP is nuts and this woman cannot be bothered with her. Its not PPA or anything else and its common sense to keep newborn away with cold. flu and covid.

I mean maybe, but I’m going off “She and the baby are literally staying in the house except for drs appt”

That is not healthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

OP is nuts and this woman cannot be bothered with her. Its not PPA or anything else and its common sense to keep newborn away with cold. flu and covid.

I mean maybe, but I’m going off “She and the baby are literally staying in the house except for drs appt”

That is not healthy

If I was OPs sister I would lie through my teeth about what I was doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

OP is nuts and this woman cannot be bothered with her. Its not PPA or anything else and its common sense to keep newborn away with cold. flu and covid.

I mean maybe, but I’m going off “She and the baby are literally staying in the house except for drs appt”

That is not healthy

If I was OPs sister I would lie through my teeth about what I was doing.

+1 (but also I only went to the doctors office and local walks for like the first four months with my first because I was tired and it was easier)

[Anonymous]

You are right to flag her behavior - its irrational and I can see why you would be alarmed. I would just back off for the time being....let her reach out when she is ready to come out of her burrow. I suspect she will. In the meantime, just keep an open line with her DH (clearly he has noticed something in her thats problematic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really weird. I know tons of babies born since 2020 and none of their parents are like this. The people defending OP's sister sound as crazy as the sister does. OP, I'd talk to the husband alone and see if he can get her to see someone. He's really the only one with any say.

Op here. Our pediatrician sister had a baby several months ago! She is behaving and acting normally. Taking her baby son out for walks, to the store, to see our family indoors, to the park etc.

Serious question for all the posters who think I’m nuts/obsessed etc- are you people really not leaving your houses? Like still? In 2022?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop posting about it on the Internet and start talking to her husband about having her assessed for postpartum anxiety.

Do you have suggestions on how to phrase the conversation?

The conversation with her husband? “Hey BIL, I’m really worried about sis. She seems super anxious about risks, and at first I kinda understood but it’s starting to feel like now it’s something more than just nerves. Some women develop something called post partum anxiety, and it can be really debilitating. I think pediatricians can screen a new mother for it - you can probably call ahead of your next appointment and raise the concern”.

This is helpful thank you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had post partum anxiety and people telling me to do things I wasn't comfortable with "because you have post partum anxiety" definitely wouldn't have helped me.

Unless she's doing something dangerous or harmful back off and be patient.

I think it’s dangerous and harmful to her and the baby to be afraid of the world beyond the 4 walls of her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband.
Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours.
That really is ok.

+1 she's got a tiny baby to take care of and protect, let her do that in whatever way works for her. She's the one that has to live with the decisions she makes

Except she’s not a single mom. She has a husband who is the father of the baby.
His opinion matters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a newborn and we are not seeing any family or friends (other than grandparents who are staying with us to help) until she turns 3 months old. We made this decision before she was born and communicated it. Luckily everyone in my circle understands.

Can you get your sister to put a time limit? Generally babies are more hardy after 3 months.

We asked earlier if 12 weeks/additional shots was a more comfortable point in time.
Her response was “it’s off the table for now” “not open for discussion”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

Thank you…I’m flabbergasted that people think it’s reasonable rational and normal to say “it’s not safe to be outside”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait are you people serious? You think it’s reasonable to not even take a newborn for a stroller walk outside because…other people might have walked by? Clearly this poor woman is suffering from PPA and needs help..????

+1. OP might be a bit of a cow, but not taking your baby outdoors, ever “because someone might walk by” is also not normal.

Thing is (if she’s real) she probably is taking her baby for plenty of walks outside. She just doesn’t want to go for walks outside with OP[b] who sounds like she’s a controlling busybody.

No really, haha. She isn’t going anywhere. She doesn’t go anywhere besides drs appts.
She bathes the baby using bottled water.
She had allergies or a mild cold a few weeks ago and wouldn’t be in the same room as the baby for a full 24 hours. The nanny and dh handled the baby.
She is so terrified of “the baby getting sick” she legitimately wore an n95 in the house and did not hold or sit in the same room as the baby for an entire day.

[Anonymous]

So what?

Respect her wishes. Get a life. You're not going to die from not "meeting the baby". Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really weird. I know tons of babies born since 2020 and none of their parents are like this. The people defending OP's sister sound as crazy as the sister does. OP, I'd talk to the husband alone and see if he can get her to see someone. He's really the only one with any say.

Op here. Our pediatrician sister had a baby several months ago! She is behaving and acting normally. Taking her baby son out for walks, to the store, to see our family indoors, to the park etc.

Serious question for all the posters who think I’m nuts/obsessed etc- are you people really not leaving your houses? Like still? In 2022?

This is DCUM - the land of forever quarantines and "healthy boundaries." This is not a friendly audience for your concern.

You are not nuts.