Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby
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Anonymous
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I posted a few weeks ago, not sure why but my post was deleted. Gist is that my sister will not let anyone touch or hold her baby, except for her, her dh, and the live in nanny, “because of COVID.” All adults on family are vaxed, boosted, and some even have additional antibodies from having omicron. She agreed to two outdoor meet ups where family was allowed to double mask, stand a distance from baby and wave.
Many of you expressed opinions that we were pushing her and being unreasonable. I’ve let her be. There is now additional tension because her husband woujd like to travel domestically to see a sickly relative. She. Will. Not. Let. Him. #becausecovid I had previously asked her if she’d like to take a stroller walk in a park or outdoors somewhere. We live in the south, warm weather. I’ll even wear masks outdoors for the walk (even though that goes against science, but whatever). She said she’s think about it and get back to me! I felt some encouragement that she would consider it. She got back to me today. Nope! And in fact she has decided that there will be no more outdoor visits for her and baby. “Because a lot of people have been walking around outside and are in the parks lately because of the nice weather. A Lot of People around means It’s not safe.” People thought I was flippant or being rude. That was not my intent. I am truly concerned because I don’t think she’s mentally or emotionally in a reasonable sound place. Her assessment of risk is totally off the wall. There is no acceptable amount of risk. She and the baby are literally staying in the house except for drs appts. Her dh is growing frustrated. She shuts down all conversations by saying “this isn’t safe” “someone Could get sick” “but it’s a pandemic” We are at a loss. This isn’t about seeing touching the baby anymore. She is completely unreasonable. |
Anonymous
| Stop posting about it on the Internet and start talking to her husband about having her assessed for postpartum anxiety. |
Anonymous
Do you have suggestions on how to phrase the conversation? |
Anonymous
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She may well be struggling with anxiety. Here’s what will help: show her that you listen to her, respect her, and love her.
Here’s what will not help: pushing, boundary-stomping, and judging. Check in with her. Don’t ask about the baby. Ask about HER. You know, the person, and not just the baby-bringer-into-the-world-er? Be the one person on this planet to ask about her and show her that you care about her, and not just her baby. |
Anonymous
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So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband. Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours. That really is ok. |
Anonymous
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The woman has a newborn in a global pandemic that has new variants popping up every few weeks. Leave her alone. Being vaccinated and boosted DOES NOT prevent you from spreading covid. It’s not about the adults having extra immunities because they just got omicron (which honestly goes against your implication that everyone is perfectly safe because they got a shot) and therefore they probably won’t die. It’s a newborn who has not been vaccinated being around people who are carrying the virus.
I say all that as someone who has been mask free since May of 2020 (I live on a barrier island with little governance) and who held a 4 day old newborn last week. What mom says is what mom says. Back off. |
Anonymous
| Unless she’s literally holding her husband at gunpoint or paying a group of toughs to hogtie him in a closet, then no dear, there’s no such thing as “she will not let him leave.” |
Anonymous
| Good for her. I wouldn't have let you see the kid even outdoors. |
Anonymous
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Shut up about how everyone is vaxxed and boosted. Guess what? That doesn’t stop them from spreading COVID.
Signed, A person whose pastor BIL just led the funeral service for a FOUR YEAR OLD in the Midwest who died of COVID |
Anonymous
Knowing she is careful, ask what you can do to help. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't meet up with you either. You disparage things like mask as anti-science and tout the fact that your family has had omicron as somehow proving you are trustworthy to meet up with? I don't blame her one bit |
Anonymous
My suggestion is just to ask about her as an individual person, and see how the conversation goes from there. My point is to focus on HER, not ask about the baby, unless she seems to want to talk about baby. When you are suffering from anxiety or postpartum depression or just regular old depression (I’ve had all 3), it’s painful when no one seems to care about YOU; they only ask about the baby, or you in relation to the baby. |
Anonymous
Good advice, thanks |
Anonymous
Her husband has come to us asking for help. He thinks she’s gone from “COVID cautious” to “off the rails and borderline hypochondriac” His words. He is of the mindset that it’s time to move on from never setting foot in stores, never traveling again, never seeing family. He has parents too that want to come visit. |
Anonymous
You can do both. It is covid, not depression. I will not see my sister either as she is making very different lifestyle choices that put our family at risk. I would want someone to ask what they can do to help. With a few month old, the last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk in the cold. |