Update to previously deleted thread- my sister won’t let anyone hold her baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for her. I wouldn't have let you see the kid even outdoors.

+1. Butt out. You need assessment for why you have some mental disorder need to judge and control your sister. Have your own kid and let the world drop/infect/discomfort him or her.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, we can all recognize that she's overly anxious. My husband and I are very Covid-cautious (my husband is a doctor who works on Covid-19), and even we'd be a little more easy-going than your sister in her shoes - which we will be in shortly, given I'm pregnant. Perhaps she's the anxious type that's been triggered by the pandemic and post-partum depression.

But the main thing is that you cannot address this head-on, it will only backfire. You need to work through her husband and suggest she is screened for PPD and severe anxiety. Also, keep in mind those are exclusions diagnoses! The doctor will need to rule out physical illness first, such as hyperthyroidism, which can give manic and anxiety symptoms if left untreated. I had a bout of severe hyperthyroidism and PPD 6 months after the birth of my first child, went legit crazy at work and ended up in hospital.

Please do not fight with her, but persuade her to see her doctor. My husband should accompany her with a list of things to address - put your heads together and make that list as comprehensive as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may well be struggling with anxiety. Here’s what will help: show her that you listen to her, respect her, and love her.

Here’s what will not help: pushing, boundary-stomping, and judging.

Check in with her. Don’t ask about the baby. Ask about HER. You know, the person, and not just the baby-bringer-into-the-world-er? Be the one person on this planet to ask about her and show her that you care about her, and not just her baby.

Knowing she is careful, ask what you can do to help.

My suggestion is just to ask about her as an individual person, and see how the conversation goes from there. My point is to focus on HER, not ask about the baby, unless she seems to want to talk about baby. When you are suffering from anxiety or postpartum depression or just regular old depression (I’ve had all 3), it’s painful when no one seems to care about YOU; they only ask about the baby, or you in relation to the baby.

You can do both. It is covid, not depression. I will not see my sister either as she is making very different lifestyle choices that put our family at risk. I would want someone to ask what they can do to help. With a few month old, the last thing I wanted to do was go for a walk in the cold.

UMMMMMMM…again, as someone who lived through PPD, PPD exacerbates every possible anxiety you could have about your baby: are they still breathing at night, will she get even a common cold, let alone RSV or flu or COVID, will she be OK in her car seat, etc. So do not dismissively tell me “it is COVID, not depression” when you don’t actually know what is going on. Let’s say that a typical new mother has a risk tolerance level of 4 about COVID—meaning you can come over to see the baby if you are vaxxed and boosted, but you have to wear a mask. Let’s now take a PPD mom—her anxiety may be the driving force behind her risk tolerance level of COVID being a 0–meaning no one can see the baby. Do you get it yet?

PPD takes the already anxious time of a newborn and takes it over the edge to not being able to tolerate risk and worrying about every little thing all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Look, OP, we can all recognize that she's overly anxious. My husband and I are very Covid-cautious (my husband is a doctor who works on Covid-19), and even we'd be a little more easy-going than your sister in her shoes - which we will be in shortly, given I'm pregnant. Perhaps she's the anxious type that's been triggered by the pandemic and post-partum depression.

But the main thing is that you cannot address this head-on, it will only backfire. You need to work through her husband and suggest she is screened for PPD and severe anxiety. Also, keep in mind those are exclusions diagnoses! The doctor will need to rule out physical illness first, such as hyperthyroidism, which can give manic and anxiety symptoms if left untreated. I had a bout of severe hyperthyroidism and PPD 6 months after the birth of my first child, went legit crazy at work and ended up in hospital.

Please do not fight with her, but persuade her to see her doctor. My husband should accompany her with a list of things to address - put your heads together and make that list as comprehensive as possible.

Helpful points and congrats to you on the pregnancy.
Our sister is a pediatrician…she has tried to talk her. About herself, how she’s feeling, risk, odds of the baby getting COVID, getting seriously ill, etc.
She won’t hear any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Look, OP, we can all recognize that she's overly anxious. My husband and I are very Covid-cautious (my husband is a doctor who works on Covid-19), and even we'd be a little more easy-going than your sister in her shoes - which we will be in shortly, given I'm pregnant. Perhaps she's the anxious type that's been triggered by the pandemic and post-partum depression.

But the main thing is that you cannot address this head-on, it will only backfire. You need to work through her husband and suggest she is screened for PPD and severe anxiety. Also, keep in mind those are exclusions diagnoses! The doctor will need to rule out physical illness first, such as hyperthyroidism, which can give manic and anxiety symptoms if left untreated. I had a bout of severe hyperthyroidism and PPD 6 months after the birth of my first child, went legit crazy at work and ended up in hospital.

Please do not fight with her, but persuade her to see her doctor. My husband should accompany her with a list of things to address - put your heads together and make that list as comprehensive as possible.

Helpful points and congrats to you on the pregnancy.
Our sister is a pediatrician…she has tried to talk her. About herself, how she’s feeling, risk, odds of the baby getting COVID, getting seriously ill, etc.
She won’t hear any of it.

OK.
She’s suffering. She’s not in a place where she can hear it now.
You are not entitled to see her baby.
Let.
It.
Go.

Try again in a few weeks. Ask about her and how she is doing. Don’t start off by pushing to see the baby. Go slow, be patient. If not, you’ll only shoot yourself in the foot.

[Anonymous]

How old is the baby? Under 8 weeks without *any* shots, I would be that way also.

1. Drop off a meal, cookies or flowers. Leave them on the porch or have them delivered. Something that she'll appreciate
2. Give her some time
3. Tell her husband to be supportive
4. Suggest to husband that they ask at the baby's wellness appointments what the baby's doctor says is safe

Good luck - I feel for everyone here. Not easy to navigate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is the baby? Under 8 weeks without *any* shots, I would be that way also.

1. Drop off a meal, cookies or flowers. Leave them on the porch or have them delivered. Something that she'll appreciate
2. Give her some time
3. Tell her husband to be supportive
4. Suggest to husband that they ask at the baby's wellness appointments what the baby's doctor says is safe

Good luck - I feel for everyone here. Not easy to navigate.

Over 8 weeks and has had first round of shots
She will not accept food. We tried previously to drop off things to her. She believes it’s a COVID risk. She is still wiping down Amazon packages with Clorox wipes, etc. i am not trying to make fun of her- just trying to convey where she is at.
Dh is in a tough position because he has gone along with her preferences since March 2020. But like many of us, he’s ready for a gradual but eventual return to normalcy. He has not seen any of his family in 2 years because “they” weren’t comfortable with any travel. He suggested driving a ridiculously long way to see his sickly relative on lieu of flying (even though flying safer in all aspects) she said he can drive only if he will not stop. No rest stops no bathrooms, drive through food only and using the bathroom off the side of the road i guess.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you call CPS and run this by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait is this the poster who gangs up on the vegan new mother by bringing food with bacon on top? I thought she was outed as a troll who constantly starts made up threads.

I think this one was the troll who makes things up for fun or else she was sockpuppeting in the deleted thread.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she has some pretty hardcore PPD/PPA. If she doesn't get help, not only will she alienate her extended family (including her in laws and you and your parents), she could very much screw up her marriage. It is absolutely on her husband to get the process of getting her help started. I think you should do what you can to support your BIL (while being sure your sister doesn't feel ganged up on).

[Anonymous]

It's her baby. Any chance she secretly hates all of you and is using Covid as an excuse to not see or be around all of you? You do sound really annoying.

[Anonymous]

I think your post was deleted because you were found to be a troll?

[Anonymous]

This is really weird. I know tons of babies born since 2020 and none of their parents are like this. The people defending OP's sister sound as crazy as the sister does. OP, I'd talk to the husband alone and see if he can get her to see someone. He's really the only one with any say.

[Anonymous]

Jesus just let it go. You sound unhinged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you’re posting so that you can get support from multiple internet strangers who can join you in piling on how “unreasonable “ your sister is?
Your sister gets to decide her own level of acceptable risk for herself — and to work out how to handle that with her husband.
Your sister is probably doing exactly what you have done — just with different conclusions and a different level of risk from yours.
That really is ok.

Her husband has come to us asking for help. He thinks she’s gone from “COVID cautious” to “off the rails and borderline hypochondriac”
His words.
He is of the mindset that it’s time to move on from never setting foot in stores, never traveling again, never seeing family.
He has parents too that want to come visit.

First off, I don't really understand the people piling on you here. You and your BIL know your sister best. Agree with a PP that you should talk to your sister about her. I think the husband needs to tell her that he's concerned that this is more than just caution and he wants to go to an appointment with her for an evaluation.