Are you afraid to mention a Black person’s tan?

[Anonymous]

No because I’m not a weird white liberal who’s worried about offending. My MIL who is white had a friend change telll her to change her dogs name from black bear to something else because they said it was racist. I said you know black is a color. What else are you going to call it by colored?

Only a white person would equate telling a black person they have a good tan as an insult.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t comment and I’m a very fair skinned, freckled female of Irish/English/Norwegian heritage.

I, however, regularly get comments on my flushed face (from exertion, embarrassment, hot flashes or cold) or my “paleness” with comments that I “look pale” or “my color’s off” or questions asking if I’m feeling well.

Everything shows on my face; emotions, allergies, sensitivities…too much sun, too much exercise…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
In my little world, black and brown people don't tan. Maybe that says something about me, or them, or just the fact that I don't notice these things.

Of course we tan. You need more black friends because you sound stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an old white guy. My next door neighbor is an old black guy. He once saw me on my front stoop holding my year-old grandson who was only wearing a diaper. He laughed and yelled over the fence: "that's the biggest, whitest baby I've ever seen!" I yelled back "you should see his father!"

He's pretty light skinned, and if he ever went to the beach and came back with a tan I'm sure I'd notice and if I did I'd absolutely say something. We'd laugh about that too.

Folks need to chill out.

That's because you have a report with him. If he were a coworker or casual acquaintance, I doubt the two of you would be that comfortable.

[Anonymous]

*Debbie Downer Warning*

I don’t compliment anyone of any race on their tan, because it is a sign of skin damage, and as a skin cancer survivor I worry about others going through what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an old white guy. My next door neighbor is an old black guy. He once saw me on my front stoop holding my year-old grandson who was only wearing a diaper. He laughed and yelled over the fence: "that's the biggest, whitest baby I've ever seen!" I yelled back "you should see his father!"

He's pretty light skinned, and if he ever went to the beach and came back with a tan I'm sure I'd notice and if I did I'd absolutely say something. We'd laugh about that too.

Folks need to chill out.

That's because you have a report with him. If he were a coworker or casual acquaintance, I doubt the two of you would be that comfortable.

It’s “rapport”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

Thank you for being the voice of reason. You’re exactly right.

[OP]

[Anonymous]

Black person here, and this is funny. I tan dark in the summer, but I am currently pretty light because of the season change.

One summer weekend a few years back, I had spent a lot of time sitting in the sun. However, I had on capris, and I subsequently tanned unevenly. I went in to work on Monday and pointed out the unevenness of the tan on my legs to my white supervisor, and she looked stunned and refused to comment. She didn't know how to respond so she said nothing. Since I brought it up, her agreement with me wouldn't have been offensive. Nevertheless, I get why she chose silence, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

Black person here, and I disagree with you. PP is correct to play it safe. Folks are prickly as hell these days and offended by everything. Saying nothing is the correct response.

[Anonymous]

Probably best to avoid commenting on people's bodies in general. Clothing, jewelry, and make-up, sure, but not someone's physical characteristics.

An acquaintance once (probably?) thought she was complimenting me by saying it looked like a lost weight, but it was all I could do to not respond "yes, and how about you? Looks like your teeth are less yellow today!"

Really best avoided.

[Anonymous]

Latina here. Me and a black coworker were at an all day work function. She went to take a break in her car and laughing later showed me how quick the sun or lack there of had tanned the outline of her necklace. I tan just as quickly.

[Anonymous]

I don’t comment on anyone’s appearance. As a woman, I find it very annoying and cliche’d. I don’t like it so I wouldn’t do it to someone else.

[Anonymous]

I don't comment on skin color, that's weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

This seems like the racist white version of mansplaining.