DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

LMFAO. When has it ever been the "boys fault"? No really (still laughing), when?

Look, if you're worried about your precious boy being derailed by some girl (I'll not put the characterization of what I think you're really thinking about any such girl), you tell him to not have sex. End.Of.Story. From there, if there is a pregnancy, he has little control. And frankly, he should have that control. It's not his body. The sooner he -and you- recognize that, then the better off you can counsel him how to act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

LMFAO. When has it ever been the "boys fault"? No really (still laughing), when?

Look, if you're worried about your precious boy being derailed by some girl (I'll not put the characterization of what I think you're really thinking about any such girl), you tell him to not have sex. End.Of.Story. From there, if there is a pregnancy, he has little control. And frankly, he should have that control. It's not his body. The sooner he -and you- recognize that, then the better off you can counsel him how to act.

* should NOT

[Anonymous]

For all the people who are upset about birth control: you don't even have to miss a pill for it not to be effective. Sometimes antibiotics interfer. Sometimes throwing up or having a food poisoning episode will interfer. I have two relatives who became pregnant after they were ill and on antibiotics. It happens. Forgetting a pill also happens.

I would not force therapy on your daughter OP, but let her know the option is always available no matter whether it's about abortion or not. She may need something to help her deal with boyfriends parents and the inevitable end of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

LMFAO. When has it ever been the "boys fault"? No really (still laughing), when?

Look, if you're worried about your precious boy being derailed by some girl (I'll not put the characterization of what I think you're really thinking about any such girl), you tell him to not have sex. End.Of.Story. From there, if there is a pregnancy, he has little control. And frankly, he should have that control. It's not his body. The sooner he -and you- recognize that, then the better off you can counsel him how to act.

* should NOT

I was responding to the quote above that said that the "son should keep it in his pants." And, the PP also said "teach your little Brock consent," which is completely gross and sexist.

Both things are ridiculous and old fashioned. We can't do anything about the past and must move on. No one is being "derailed by some girl" and I have zero negative thoughts about a girl getting pregnant at 17 besides what a massive bummer. Telling 17 year olds (male and female) to not have sex is stupid. I thought that abstinence talk died in the 60's. You can encourage them to wait (and I do) but life is life and when in human history has such waiting happened.

If a girlfriend of one of my son's gets pregnant by him, it would be ultimately her decision on what to do. I would hope they would come to a decision together but, in the end, it's her and that's that.

[Anonymous]

And, if her boyfriend doesn't use a condom, he is just asking to be a dad or get an STD. If she values her health, she will make him wear a condom every time they have sex from now on out or just not have sex with him.

[Anonymous]

Okay - we are adult women. I work in women's health. How many "suprise" pregnancies are now your perfect Larlas?

Please.

--got pregnant with baby #4 with an IUD. check those strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And, if her boyfriend doesn't use a condom, he is just asking to be a dad or get an STD. If she values her health, she will make him wear a condom every time they have sex from now on out or just not have sex with him.

+1

OP, your 17 yo is not using condoms. That is a HUGE red flag. That needs to be discussed, pronto. Agree wholeheartedly with the gyn above - if you don’t want to get pregnant, double up. And, she has no idea who else he is sleeping with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who are upset about birth control: you don't even have to miss a pill for it not to be effective. Sometimes antibiotics interfer. Sometimes throwing up or having a food poisoning episode will interfer. I have two relatives who became pregnant after they were ill and on antibiotics. It happens. Forgetting a pill also happens.

I would not force therapy on your daughter OP, but let her know the option is always available no matter whether it's about abortion or not. She may need something to help her deal with boyfriends parents and the inevitable end of the relationship.

Um, yeah--that's why they tell you when you go on birth control pills that if you need to go on antibiotics, to use a back up form of birth control or abstain. It's not a big secret. Anyone on birth control pills should be well aware of this.

[Anonymous]

Contraceptive pill
Fewer than 1 in 100 women will get pregnant in a year when using the combined pill correctly. Typical use: around 91% effective. Around 9 in 100 women using the combined pill will get pregnant in a year.


Aka not as effective as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Gross. If he has sex its a possibility.

[Anonymous]

I would just tell her it's available to her if she ever feels the need to talk about it. She may not need it now, she may need it in a few months, a few years, or never. As long as she knows that she has the option should she ever need someone to talk to, that's fine. Now it's time for you to drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

Maybe you misread the post - OP says her daughter thinks she forgot to take a pill. That means OP knows her daughter is on the pill.

Or are you trying to say that OP needs to watch her daughter take her birth control pill every day? In which case, you are crazy!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

I know that no birth control is perfect but this is the part that makes me nervous. You can tell if you forgot a pill, it’s there in the pack. It’s not a mystery. She could have checked before she had sex. You don’t “think” you forgot a pill, if you can’t remember if you forgot you just check. So I would be worried that she stopped taking it on purpose for some reason.

Some pill packs don't have the days labeled, some of them are just numbered and it's easy to miss a day. I've definitely done that. There were also a few times that I had to double up the next day when I had a S-S pill pack because I realized it was Sunday and I hadn't taken the Saturday pill. It happens and that makes your birth control less reliable. I really loved the Nuvaring, was sad when I had to stop using it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:perhaps some middle ground? "I hear you that you don't think you need this, but mroe than "need", I believe you "deserve" a private, confidential place to process a little bit. If after one session you choose not to continue, I respect that, but as your Mom, I am asking you to attend one session." Hugs to you all OP.

Something like this. Like OP, what would stick with me is that the pediatrician, who has the perspective of several patients in this situation, thinks it is beneficial. If the daughter has never had therapy before, how does she know if it will or will not help? Try one session, if it is awful or not helpful, its an hour of her life wasted and she can move on from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And, if her boyfriend doesn't use a condom, he is just asking to be a dad or get an STD. If she values her health, she will make him wear a condom every time they have sex from now on out or just not have sex with him.

+1

OP, your 17 yo is not using condoms. That is a HUGE red flag. That needs to be discussed, pronto. Agree wholeheartedly with the gyn above - if you don’t want to get pregnant, double up. And, she has no idea who else he is sleeping with.

Yep. This is why I think the relationship is probably doomed to failure anyhow, and why OP should leave the option open for therapy whatever the reason.

Who knows who else he is having sex with, and as OP found out, the bc pill is not foolproof, either because of user error or illness.
And also doesn't protect against stds.