DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 parenting fail

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do be prepared that the relationship will end with the boyfriend soon. It will be more emotionally charged because of the abortion and even more so because his family knows.

This. Your daughter might feel an abortion was the best decision for her but I think the fallout from that decision will ultimately result in an end to her relationship. Which should be fine! People aren’t typically supposed to end up with people they started dating at 15. But when she needs to face that her abortion is what precipitated the end of her relationship THAT’S when she might need therapy.

Wow, you people are judgy.

OP, lots of people need therapy for lots of reasons, but women get abortions every day and, despite the propaganda from people who want to criminalize abortion, most people who receive abortions are relieved.

[Anonymous]

OP leave her alone

Anyone else in this thread judging OP’s parenting shut up.

OP your daughter came to you once if they break up she will come to you again. Ignore the trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

Women can get pregnant with an IUD. A PHD classmate of mine is now 6 months pregnant even though she had an IUD. NOTHING IS FAILPROOF except for a vasectomy.

Nope even a vasectomy has a (very small but still) chance of failure. I think 1-2 out of 1,000 men have a vasectomy that fails.

Nothing is actually fail proof except abstinence.

I'd argue that a complete hysterectomy is failproof, but that's rarely going to be on the table at 17.

Abstinence works, but only if it is true abstinence. Intended abstinence sometimes does not turn out to be true abstinence.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. My parents forced me into therapy as a teen (my brother died) and I spun my wheels and missed a lot of school for nothing. Fast forward 20 years and I sought out therapy and made so much progress in just a few months because I wanted to be there and was emotionally prepared to do the work required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

I don’t either, personally.

My concerns are;

I trust our pediatricians advice. She’s worked with a lot of teen pregnancies/abortions and I value her advice.

She seems to be relying a lot on her boyfriend for emotional support. Im not sure how much an 18-year-old boy can offer. What if it’s too much for him? Worried what will happen if the relationship ends and she’s lost that support system.

This makes me think a few therapy sessions would be important. An 18yo boy doesn’t have the tools to help her, and if she’s leaning on him she may be at risk for some more problems down the line. Not necessarily because of the abortion, but codependency and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

And yet Mom is cavalier.

[Anonymous]

Keep an eye on her, but take her at her word. She may ask for therapy later but is processing in her own way now. You seem like a great mom. Thank you for preserving her autonomy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

It takes two. DD should keep it in her pants, too. We're past the days that it's the "boys" fault. It was a group effort.

They are dating, they are older teens, this is a serious mess-up but a mess-up indeed.

And yet Mom is cavalier.

oh stuff it. I’m sure you’re such a huge supporter of planned parenthood and access to birth control. right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a great mom. It is difficult, but continue to follow her lead.

I don't think she sounds like a great mom at all. She's projecting her own issues on to her kid. She's in therapy so she thinks her kid needs it.

If her kid was adult enough to have sex, she's adult enough to know whether she needs therapy. She was adamant that she wanted an abortion and there's no indication that she feels guilty about or regrets it. Leave her the hell alone.

This is such an unnecessary and harsh response.

Op seems to have her daughters best interest at heart and is just trying to figure it out. This isn’t an easy situation. My kids are young but I can only imagine how difficult this would be to help my kid through and unplanned pregnancy.

new poster here and no, I agree with the previous poster--OP should leave her daughter alone. My parents forced "counseling" on me (not about abortion) and it was horrible. It definitely made me reluctant to seek help at times I probably could have benefited from counseling as an adult.
OP should let her daughter know that therapy is available if she wants it (maybe print out or email her the link to your insurance's information) and then don't bring it up again.

[Anonymous]

Let her know the offer for counseling never expires, and that you are there for her and supportive of all her choices.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't they using condoms? I mean in addition to whatever her birth control method is. Between 17 and her last sex partner, a lot of water will go under the bridge. That's a lot of opportunities to get herpes, HPV, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

I don’t either, personally.

My concerns are;

I trust our pediatricians advice. She’s worked with a lot of teen pregnancies/abortions and I value her advice.

She seems to be relying a lot on her boyfriend for emotional support. Im not sure how much an 18-year-old boy can offer. What if it’s too much for him? Worried what will happen if the relationship ends and she’s lost that support system.

Then she can get therapy later. There's no statute of limitations. If she feels fine now, great. Maybe she'll never be conflicted about her decision, but if she is, someday, she can address that then.

[Anonymous]

OP you are seriously projecting your own experience and feeling on your daughter. I was in a similar situation as your daughter in the 90’s. We lived in a very Catholic, conservative small town. I was so relieved I had the option to have an abortion but was terrified someone else would find out. My mom kept wanting to talk about it, wrote me letters, and to this day asks me about it. I suspect she also shared this with some of her sisters as well. I’m almost 50 and am good with my decision but they way my mom acted after is still troubling. That has given me more of a complex than anything. Please leave it alone!