DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

DD is a senior and found out she was pregnant last month. She has a serious (as serious as you can be at 17/18) boyfriend and they’ve been in a relationship for about two years. We’re a pretty open family and DD let me know she thought she was pregnant pretty early on. We were able to confirm a pregnancy fairly quickly and she was adamant she wanted an abortion. We were able to get her seen quickly and at the time of the (medical) abortion she was most likely around 6/7 weeks.

She’s a very confident kid and didn’t seem to have any doubts about her choice. She knew she had our full support with whatever choice she made. Her boyfriend is also very supportive and supported her choice.

She was a bit emotional before given the medication but said she was just nervous. Overall things went smoothly and she recovered very quickly. Her pediatrician highly suggested she see a therapist to discuss her feelings around it but she has said she doesn’t need therapy and wants to just get past it and move on.

I had an abortion when I was 22 and although I was also confident in my choice I also had conflicting and complicated feelings and would have really benefited from therapy. I am highly encouraging her to give it a try because as much as she wants to minimize everything, I do think she’s striking a bit.

Her relationship since this has gotten a bit more serious (emotionally) and she’s struggling because boyfriends parents have been distant despite supporting and agreeing with her choice. They are however pretty religious.

Also, yes I was aware they were having sex. Yes she was in birth control. She’s a responsible, mature kid and things happen.

[Anonymous]

It is her choice. I might mention that the point of therapy is to work through your feeling so you can move on-and tell her she could do a session or two, she doesn't have to be in therapy for months and months. But if she still says no, drop it.

[Anonymous]

Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

Therapy would have been more intrusive to be honest

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is a senior and found out she was pregnant last month. She has a serious (as serious as you can be at 17/18) boyfriend and they’ve been in a relationship for about two years. We’re a pretty open family and DD let me know she thought she was pregnant pretty early on. We were able to confirm a pregnancy fairly quickly and she was adamant she wanted an abortion. We were able to get her seen quickly and at the time of the (medical) abortion she was most likely around 6/7 weeks.

She’s a very confident kid and didn’t seem to have any doubts about her choice. She knew she had our full support with whatever choice she made. Her boyfriend is also very supportive and supported her choice.

She was a bit emotional before given the medication but said she was just nervous. Overall things went smoothly and she recovered very quickly. Her pediatrician highly suggested she see a therapist to discuss her feelings around it but she has said she doesn’t need therapy and wants to just get past it and move on.

I had an abortion when I was 22 and although I was also confident in my choice I also had conflicting and complicated feelings and would have really benefited from therapy. I am highly encouraging her to give it a try because as much as she wants to minimize everything, I do think she’s striking a bit.

Her relationship since this has gotten a bit more serious (emotionally) and she’s struggling because boyfriends parents have been distant despite supporting and agreeing with her choice. They are however pretty religious.

Also, yes I was aware they were having sex. Yes she was in birth control. She’s a responsible, mature kid and things happen.

She's probably a bit embarrassed and probably wants this whole thing forgotten as quickly as possible

[Anonymous]

Not everyone needs therapy. Listen to your kid.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't force her into therapy. Not everyone has guilt after and abortion or needs to work through their feelings about. I would watch her to see if I see any signs of depression but I would also trust her that when she says she's fine and wants to move on she knows herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

I don’t either, personally.

My concerns are;

I trust our pediatricians advice. She’s worked with a lot of teen pregnancies/abortions and I value her advice.

She seems to be relying a lot on her boyfriend for emotional support. Im not sure how much an 18-year-old boy can offer. What if it’s too much for him? Worried what will happen if the relationship ends and she’s lost that support system.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like maybe you need therapy to deal with this. Leave your daughter alone. Sounds like she made a very sane, adult decision and is at peace with it.

[Anonymous]

perhaps some middle ground? "I hear you that you don't think you need this, but mroe than "need", I believe you "deserve" a private, confidential place to process a little bit. If after one session you choose not to continue, I respect that, but as your Mom, I am asking you to attend one session." Hugs to you all OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't force her into therapy. Not everyone has guilt after and abortion or needs to work through their feelings about. I would watch her to see if I see any signs of depression but I would also trust her that when she says she's fine and wants to move on she knows herself.

Thank you. Just a worried Mom. Probably pushing my own experience onto her.

[Anonymous]

I would not have wanted therapy after having an abortion (at age 20), but I think it would have helped. I wouldn't push it but keep an eye on her and let her know that it's always an option. I thought I was pretty unmoved by the experience, but the time when the baby would have been born was more difficult than I expected.

[Anonymous]

What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

[Anonymous]

Just let her put the trauma past her. It's OK to do that. Whatever makes HER feel better.