DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

She might end up feeling more guilt for not feeling any guilt.

You are a mom who has already had a child and coming from that perspective while your 17 yr old isn't so her feelings and emotions will be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do be prepared that the relationship will end with the boyfriend soon. It will be more emotionally charged because of the abortion and even more so because his family knows.

+1

[Anonymous]

Let her be OP, just be supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she is 17/18 and having a lot of sex she needs to be on double birth control going forward (this is not to criticize but just to advise).
Women are especially fertile following miscarriages or abortions.
I've had many women get pregnant with perfect birth control use. If I see a women who really, really doesn't want to get pregnant I always advise her to double up (condoms plus pill or IUD).
signed,
gyn NP

I’ll keep this in mind for sure. Treading lightly, I don’t want to approach her with this information too soon but don’t want a similar situation to happen. I think they’re being extra precautious. She’s a really mature young lady with a solid head on her soldier but she’s still only 17, so mistakes happen. I’m sure she’s learned and again, willing to help her with whatever she wants to do.

She's not mature. She's 17. That's with a period and full stop. I think you can back off on pushing the therapy, just let her know it's always available should she changer her mind.. But you really need to discuss birth control with her, and now is a good time to do it.

[Anonymous]

I tend to think the pediatrician's advice for counseling is less about abortion guilt and more so that this is a hugely emotional and possibly traumatic situation for a teenager. Whether you admit it or not a 17-year-old getting pregnant is a big deal.

I also suspect her doctor has concerns about the codependency in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

This. They realize how close they were to having their son's future derailed and don't want a repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

OP, if you wrote the post above, you sound dangerously disengaged. You have a sexually active minor who has already gotten pregnant once. How do you not know what birth control she is using?

No wonder the boy's parents are putting some distance between themselves and your daughter.

+1 agreed. Mom of boys here. I’m terrified of the possibility of my sons’ futures being derailed by pregnancy. I have had very direct conversations with my 26 year old about the risks and realities.

Tell your son to keep it in his pants.

Self described #boymoms are such red flags.
Teach your little Brock consent.

+1000. #boymom boosters like this make me want to vomit, and I have 2 boys myself. “Poor little Larlos future might be derailed”- THAT is your biggest concern??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let her put the trauma past her. It's OK to do that. Whatever makes HER feel better.

As someone who plastered over trauma for thirty years, I suggest dealing with it now at 17 rather than with decades of emotional wreckage in your rear view window.

[Anonymous]

It was not uncommon among the teen moms I worked with for a girl to intentionally conceive after a first unplanned pregnancy ended in an abortion or early miscarriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was not uncommon among the teen moms I worked with for a girl to intentionally conceive after a first unplanned pregnancy ended in an abortion or early miscarriage.

That's just what I was going to post. It's great a lot of you moved on from your abortions with no issues, but this is a very common thing, this is especially true if the girl senses her boyfriend is going to leave her, So Therapy isn't a bad idea, though I realize you can't really force her, but at the very least you need to be checking in with her OP, and talking about birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave her be.

I’m completely fine. I don’t consider it a “life”. It was a necessary medical procedure.

Therapy would have been more intrusive to be honest

+1000. She should decide from this point on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was not uncommon among the teen moms I worked with for a girl to intentionally conceive after a first unplanned pregnancy ended in an abortion or early miscarriage.

That's just what I was going to post. It's great a lot of you moved on from your abortions with no issues, but this is a very common thing, this is especially true if the girl senses her boyfriend is going to leave her, So Therapy isn't a bad idea, though I realize you can't really force her, but at the very least you need to be checking in with her OP, and talking about birth control.

This is why I would never tell my mom. Let it go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let her put the trauma past her. It's OK to do that. Whatever makes HER feel better.

As someone who plastered over trauma for thirty years, I suggest dealing with it now at 17 rather than with decades of emotional wreckage in your rear view window.

So you would have wanted to be pressured into therapy? Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just let her put the trauma past her. It's OK to do that. Whatever makes HER feel better.

As someone who plastered over trauma for thirty years, I suggest dealing with it now at 17 rather than with decades of emotional wreckage in your rear view window.

So you would have wanted to be pressured into therapy? Seriously?

I had an abortion as a teen and I don't view it as traumatic. It was a medical procedure that was excellent for keeping my life on track. I'm so grateful that I had easy access and happy that I had my kids when I was older and more able to care for and appreciate them. Interestingly, I'm adopted and my biological mother who gave me up for adoption STILL hasn't come to terms with that trauma (she contacted me when I was in my 20s). So, I think the person gets to decide what's traumatic. OP's DD is probably not plastering over anything--most people don't find abortion traumatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tend to think the pediatrician's advice for counseling is less about abortion guilt and more so that this is a hugely emotional and possibly traumatic situation for a teenager. Whether you admit it or not a 17-year-old getting pregnant is a big deal.

I also suspect her doctor has concerns about the codependency in the relationship.

I assume this is the case, especially since the boy obviously doesn't use a condom. Not a good sign for teenagers.