DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may regret so many people knowing and just wants to move on. Was it the boyfriend that insisted his parents be told? Doubt a choice I would have encouraged.

She and her boyfriend both told his parents she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion. She said they agreed it was the best choice. However she seems bothered by how different they’ve been treating her. Not unkind, but a bit distant. It does hurt my heart a little because she really loved her boyfriend and his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

No BC is 100% my abortion was the result of a failed IUD.

My friend had an implant that failed too. This is why abortion access is crucial.

+1

My cousin had an IUD fail as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a great mom. It is difficult, but continue to follow her lead.

I don't think she sounds like a great mom at all. She's projecting her own issues on to her kid. She's in therapy so she thinks her kid needs it.

If her kid was adult enough to have sex, she's adult enough to know whether she needs therapy. She was adamant that she wanted an abortion and there's no indication that she feels guilty about or regrets it. Leave her the hell alone.

This is such an unnecessary and harsh response.

Op seems to have her daughters best interest at heart and is just trying to figure it out. This isn’t an easy situation. My kids are young but I can only imagine how difficult this would be to help my kid through and unplanned pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may regret so many people knowing and just wants to move on. Was it the boyfriend that insisted his parents be told? Doubt a choice I would have encouraged.

She and her boyfriend both told his parents she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion. She said they agreed it was the best choice. However she seems bothered by how different they’ve been treating her. Not unkind, but a bit distant. It does hurt my heart a little because she really loved her boyfriend and his family.

This was a big mistake. They didn't need to know. It was none of their business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may regret so many people knowing and just wants to move on. Was it the boyfriend that insisted his parents be told? Doubt a choice I would have encouraged.

She and her boyfriend both told his parents she was pregnant and was going to have an abortion. She said they agreed it was the best choice. However she seems bothered by how different they’ve been treating her. Not unkind, but a bit distant. It does hurt my heart a little because she really loved her boyfriend and his family.

Yeah well guess what. There are serious consequences to serious actions

[Anonymous]

NP here. OP, I have a 17yo son who is preternaturally mature and well-grounded, and if he was in this situation I would absolutely insist on therapy. And I would also be concerned about a relationship that involved both sex and some sense of co-dependence at this age. As you describe it, your daughter is emotionally reliant on this boy and caught up with his family too - that's not healthy or normal at 17yo, and even more precarious after something as huge as a pregnancy. One of my friends was like this, and she literally never recovered when the boy dumped her during her senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I have a 17yo son who is preternaturally mature and well-grounded, and if he was in this situation I would absolutely insist on therapy. And I would also be concerned about a relationship that involved both sex and some sense of co-dependence at this age. As you describe it, your daughter is emotionally reliant on this boy and caught up with his family too - that's not healthy or normal at 17yo, and even more precarious after something as huge as a pregnancy. One of my friends was like this, and she literally never recovered when the boy dumped her during her senior year.

+1. She and the BF need to cool it. This is way too serious for her age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:perhaps some middle ground? "I hear you that you don't think you need this, but mroe than "need", I believe you "deserve" a private, confidential place to process a little bit. If after one session you choose not to continue, I respect that, but as your Mom, I am asking you to attend one session." Hugs to you all OP.

What a wonderful script. New poster here. Just had to respond to say how compassionate for everyone I think this is

[Anonymous]

Leave it alone, OP. It seems like you have a good honest relationship with DD. If she wants it or if you see she needs it, revisit at that time.

[Anonymous]

I would honor her choice, OP.
But then I'm a European and come from a country where abortions aren't as controversial as here, and therapy is not consumed like candy.

What I would tell your daughter, is that while she may not feel conflicted and in need of support now, she might very well feel in need of therapy later, perhaps years from now, perhaps when she's ready to have children. And that this is normal, and she can get therapy AT ANY TIME in her life, related to this abortion.

And good job OP for raising children who trust you!

[Anonymous]

Abortion isn’t traumatizing to most women. Just let her know it’s an option and let it go.

[Anonymous]

My clinician friend advises against therapy “just in case.” Unnecessary therapy akin to any medication has the potential to do more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My clinician friend advises against therapy “just in case.” Unnecessary therapy akin to any medication has the potential to do more harm than good.

Strongly agree. Most therapists are not worth it. They can absolutely do more harm than good. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. OP, I have a 17yo son who is preternaturally mature and well-grounded, and if he was in this situation I would absolutely insist on therapy. And I would also be concerned about a relationship that involved both sex and some sense of co-dependence at this age. As you describe it, your daughter is emotionally reliant on this boy and caught up with his family too - that's not healthy or normal at 17yo, and even more precarious after something as huge as a pregnancy. One of my friends was like this, and she literally never recovered when the boy dumped her during her senior year.

Why would he dump her? What if they grow old together?

[Anonymous]

Do be prepared that the relationship will end with the boyfriend soon. It will be more emotionally charged because of the abortion and even more so because his family knows.