DD17 refusing therapy post-abortion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not have wanted therapy after having an abortion (at age 20), but I think it would have helped. I wouldn't push it but keep an eye on her and let her know that it's always an option. I thought I was pretty unmoved by the experience, but the time when the baby would have been born was more difficult than I expected.

I’m not going to force therapy on her but will be doing occasional check-ins.

It’s hard to know when to back off when your kid reaches that age between adolescence and young adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Let her make the decision but leave the door open if she wants it. I know of it had been me I would have just wanted to move on and not keep talking about it.

[Anonymous]

Let her be. Maybe she'll want therapy about it later, maybe she won't. Just tell her "I'm going to stop bringing up therapy. If you'd like to go, let me know and I'll set it up for you. If you want to talk to me, I'm happy to listen. But pushing it on you doesn't seem like a good idea so I'm going to drop it."

And then really do that. I had an abortion without family support (they didn't know) and I never went to therapy. It was the first big decision I made about my life, and the one I was MOST confident in and I was really proud of myself for that. I have never regretted the abortion and have never felt any guilt about it. I have gone to therapy twice, for other issues, and might have brought it up once, but also maybe didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

No BC is 100% my abortion was the result of a failed IUD.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a great mom. It is difficult, but continue to follow her lead.

[Anonymous]

It took years before I wanted to talk to a therapist. I read a few books and stories first. A lot of my issue was being raised super religious.

It sounds like she has great support.

Let her know that maybe at some point she might want to, maybe not. Let her enjoy the relief!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

No BC is 100% my abortion was the result of a failed IUD.

My friend had an implant that failed too. This is why abortion access is crucial.

[Anonymous]

I had an abortion at 19 and didn’t have any interest in therapy nor would I ever. It was fine. Sure it was a big experience, but I didn’t need or want to talk to anyone besides my best friends about it. And honestly, we didn’t talk about it for very long. I also say, leave her be. You offered therapy. She’ll let you know if she changes her mind. It’s not necessary for everyone or everything.

[Anonymous]

I had an abortion at 21 and never needed therapy. 52 now, two kids, no issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her be. Maybe she'll want therapy about it later, maybe she won't. Just tell her "I'm going to stop bringing up therapy. If you'd like to go, let me know and I'll set it up for you. If you want to talk to me, I'm happy to listen. But pushing it on you doesn't seem like a good idea so I'm going to drop it."

And then really do that. I had an abortion without family support (they didn't know) and I never went to therapy. It was the first big decision I made about my life, and the one I was MOST confident in and I was really proud of myself for that. I have never regretted the abortion and have never felt any guilt about it. I have gone to therapy twice, for other issues, and might have brought it up once, but also maybe didn't.

Thank you. This reply is so helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened with the birth control? Did she forget to take it and decide to have unprotected sex anyway? Did she want to get pregnant and then change her mind? She should get an IUD.

Her birth control method is her decision. If she wants an IUD in the future we’d make that happen. I am not sure what happened. She thinks she forgot a pill.

I know that no birth control is perfect but this is the part that makes me nervous. You can tell if you forgot a pill, it’s there in the pack. It’s not a mystery. She could have checked before she had sex. You don’t “think” you forgot a pill, if you can’t remember if you forgot you just check. So I would be worried that she stopped taking it on purpose for some reason.

[Anonymous]

If she is 17/18 and having a lot of sex she needs to be on double birth control going forward (this is not to criticize but just to advise).
Women are especially fertile following miscarriages or abortions.
I've had many women get pregnant with perfect birth control use. If I see a women who really, really doesn't want to get pregnant I always advise her to double up (condoms plus pill or IUD).
signed,
gyn NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a great mom. It is difficult, but continue to follow her lead.

I don't think she sounds like a great mom at all. She's projecting her own issues on to her kid. She's in therapy so she thinks her kid needs it.

If her kid was adult enough to have sex, she's adult enough to know whether she needs therapy. She was adamant that she wanted an abortion and there's no indication that she feels guilty about or regrets it. Leave her the hell alone.

[Anonymous]

I agree she may regret so many people knowing and just wants to move on. Was it the boyfriend that insisted his parents be told? Doubt a choice I would have encouraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she is 17/18 and having a lot of sex she needs to be on double birth control going forward (this is not to criticize but just to advise).
Women are especially fertile following miscarriages or abortions.
I've had many women get pregnant with perfect birth control use. If I see a women who really, really doesn't want to get pregnant I always advise her to double up (condoms plus pill or IUD).
signed,
gyn NP

I’ll keep this in mind for sure. Treading lightly, I don’t want to approach her with this information too soon but don’t want a similar situation to happen. I think they’re being extra precautious. She’s a really mature young lady with a solid head on her soldier but she’s still only 17, so mistakes happen. I’m sure she’s learned and again, willing to help her with whatever she wants to do.