Explain this behavior to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.

I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.

I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

I believe it happened once. But seems like you're looking for someone who'd fit your schedule and your exact terms; when you're not offering much, except your very limited company.
Men your age who are not married are playing the field and have more opportunities on the dating market than a woman with a kid.
Maybe you need to look someone older, who is into companionship only.

What? All I am asking for is for someone to tell me a date/time they can meet. That is it. I am confused why you think this. Even single people don't frequently meet up the day off unless they have already agreed on a plan. People make other plans if someone does not confirm they are meeting. I am flexible if someone says when they can meet--the problem is he is not saying WHEN he can meet...I am not waiting around for someone at the last minute. If you text me Friday night, I am not meeting you Friday night. I already have plans by then. This has nothing to do with a kid. If I have a plan to meet someone on Thursday night, they should be able to confirm a time before 8 p.m. I am not rigid. I expect respect for my time. This has nothing to do with having a kid at all. He has a problem confirming plans. This has not been an issue for me dating with kids or when I was single many many years ago either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.

I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.

I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

I believe it happened once. But seems like you're looking for someone who'd fit your schedule and your exact terms; when you're not offering much, except your very limited company.
Men your age who are not married are playing the field and have more opportunities on the dating market than a woman with a kid.
Maybe you need to look someone older, who is into companionship only.

OP here again: And I literally had all weekend free. I said that. No response. My company is not that limited. I need the courtesy of someone respecting my time. That goes for anyone dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's juggling other women, and you aren't #1. I do the same thing.

This.

He can’t plan ahead because you are his Plan B. He reaches out when it’s convenient for him.

Move on.

When a guy likes you, he reaches out and tries to woo you. Dating really isn’t hard when both people are into it.

PS - When both people are into it, you prioritize being together…and you don’t go weeks between dates.

To be fair, OP's post suggests that she is aware of the other demands on his time:

"we do not see each other often (every few weeks—not going to get into details about that)."

OP here: Yes, he has other time demands. We are both busy...so it makes nailing down a time to actually meet more important. (Even though in general in order to date, you need to say specifically when you are avaiable to meet). Seems like he is used to women being at his beck and call or just a more spontaneous person...but that does not work when both people are busy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.

I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.

I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

I believe it happened once. But seems like you're looking for someone who'd fit your schedule and your exact terms; when you're not offering much, except your very limited company.
Men your age who are not married are playing the field and have more opportunities on the dating market than a woman with a kid.
Maybe you need to look someone older, who is into companionship only.

OP here again: And I literally had all weekend free. I said that. No response. My company is not that limited. I need the courtesy of someone respecting my time. That goes for anyone dating.

I get it. But that's exactly what I'm saying - he already knows it's not a committed relationship and he's simultaneously making plans with others. Yes, it would be nice if he responded to be polite, but why would he, practically speaking. It's better for him to have a couple of potential options in the air.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.

I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.

I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

I believe it happened once. But seems like you're looking for someone who'd fit your schedule and your exact terms; when you're not offering much, except your very limited company.
Men your age who are not married are playing the field and have more opportunities on the dating market than a woman with a kid.
Maybe you need to look someone older, who is into companionship only.

OP here again: And I literally had all weekend free. I said that. No response. My company is not that limited. I need the courtesy of someone respecting my time. That goes for anyone dating.

I get it. But that's exactly what I'm saying - he already knows it's not a committed relationship and he's simultaneously making plans with others. Yes, it would be nice if he responded to be polite, but why would he, practically speaking. It's better for him to have a couple of potential options in the air.

He is the one who asked me for exclusivity awhile ago. If he wants to see me, he needs to tell me when. My assumption is that now his feelings have changed so I won't entertain it if he contacts me again.

[Anonymous]

OP here again: And I literally had all weekend free. I said that. No response. My company is not that limited. I need the courtesy of someone respecting my time. That goes for anyone dating.

I agree that it is rude of him not to respond. However, I am a 45 year old single women with kids (50-50 custody). I'm not dating or interested in dating, but I do have a lot of plans with friends, my extended family, and activity groups that I am in (tennis and volleyball). I wouldn't necessarily have weekend time free just because someone else did, unless we planned it out in advance. Then again, if I was interested in dating, maybe that would be different, so perhaps this guy realized he's not interested, for whatever reason (either personal to you or generally).

[Anonymous]

Does he have kids? Sounds like he does not like the lack of flexibility associated with dating someone that has kids. Time to move on, this is not a fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

If this is real, OP you sound desperate. Why are you telling this man your entire schedule and availability when all he asked was how are you. Basically the bare minimum. And don't even let me get started on "sorry I fell asleep" OP you're getting played but you sound a little uptight yourself. Have some self respect and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

If this is real, OP you sound desperate. Why are you telling this man your entire schedule and availability when all he asked was how are you. Basically the bare minimum. And don't even let me get started on "sorry I fell asleep" OP you're getting played but you sound a little uptight yourself. Have some self respect and move on.

ALL OF THIS x 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

If this is real, OP you sound desperate. Why are you telling this man your entire schedule and availability when all he asked was how are you. Basically the bare minimum. And don't even let me get started on "sorry I fell asleep" OP you're getting played but you sound a little uptight yourself. Have some self respect and move on.

ALL OF THIS x 1000

Saying what your availability is is NOT desperate. I was basically saying on Friday I am not free tonight as I am busy but free the rest of the weekend. That is not desperate when you have been seeing someone 4 months. I was trying to say when I was available since our schedules were not aligning. That is not desperate. I have not been in contact since. I have other options as I said. I am done with this scenario because a lack of response at this stage out of the blue is disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

I’m already tired of you and we have never met. You sound exhausting to be around. Most of this thread is you making excuses. Move on already.

[Anonymous]

No need to breakup with him if you’re not in a relationship. Next time he reaches out, I would not respond.

[Anonymous]

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

There is a lot to unpack. He sounds like a flake and a bit sketchy with the weird cousin thing. However, if I just asked someone how they were feeling and they sent me that detailed response regarding their schedule, I would find it a bit odd or offputting. I just don't see this as a fit, it doesn't matter what the reason for his behavior is. Nothing to do but move along here.

[Anonymous]

Have you met his cousin? Men are used to giving space so that roommates can have sexy time, so perhaps this cousin is actually a wife and kids.


I would not go to a house with a family member living there. A roommate normally would be fine, but not a family member.

WTF? Who cares if his cousin is there? It's not like he's introducing you to his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Have you met his cousin? Men are used to giving space so that roommates can have sexy time, so perhaps this cousin is actually a wife and kids.


I would not go to a house with a family member living there. A roommate normally would be fine, but not a family member.

WTF? Who cares if his cousin is there? It's not like he's introducing you to his mother.

Look, I do not want anyone meeting anyone in my family unless super serious either. I get that. I am the same way. Some families are like that (more traditional ones).