Explain this behavior to me

[Anonymous]

Yeah, move on. He is a dead end.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he wants everything to be on his own terms. If that's not something you are willing to accept (I would not be), it is time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Man here.

He has shown his true colors.

My GF and I are both divorced with kids. We’ve each met the others kids but our kids have not met. We don’t treat each other like he is treating you.

Move on. Say goodbye and count your blessings. There are better men available.

[Anonymous]

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

why do you keep entertaining his BS? just rip off the band-aid and dump the guy. move forward with your life. he's an asshat as nearly all of us have said, repeatedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

why do you keep entertaining his BS? just rip off the band-aid and dump the guy. move forward with your life. he's an asshat as nearly all of us have said, repeatedly.

I'm not entertaining it. I was just reporting what had happened as an update (and responded to a poster than in the middle of two extremes is a hard place to find a match. I have not interacted with him since the text on Friday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

why do you keep entertaining his BS? just rip off the band-aid and dump the guy. move forward with your life. he's an asshat as nearly all of us have said, repeatedly.

I'm not entertaining it. I was just reporting what had happened as an update (and responded to a poster than in the middle of two extremes is a hard place to find a match. I have not interacted with him since the text on Friday.

glad to hear that OP! I have to ask though, did you make it clear that you broke up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

Uh. Op. Your text makes no sense. Did you copy it to us wrong or is that what you sent him? You sound illiterate in that text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.


I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.


I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

Most guys want either something very casual or something that could move into a serious relationship. Sounds like you are not looking for either, which is totally fine, but this could be why there are issues finding a match.

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

why do you keep entertaining his BS? just rip off the band-aid and dump the guy. move forward with your life. he's an asshat as nearly all of us have said, repeatedly.

I'm not entertaining it. I was just reporting what had happened as an update (and responded to a poster than in the middle of two extremes is a hard place to find a match. I have not interacted with him since the text on Friday.

glad to hear that OP! I have to ask though, did you make it clear that you broke up with him?

No, but if he texts me again I will. I assume he is doing the ghosting thing. I am not reaching out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

Uh. Op. Your text makes no sense. Did you copy it to us wrong or is that what you sent him? You sound illiterate in that text.

There’s nothing illiterate about my text. (In previous texts in our communication I have said things like I’m 95% when I was sick earlier and he would understand what I mean… he also would understand if he wants to talk “or whatever” meaning meet up… The language is completely appropriate for our communication. Sometimes people don’t understand the nuances of two people and their unique communication style, but this is completely literate.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I have no interest in dating a man with kids. I am not looking for a commitment. I am looking for someone I can see once a week for awhile until it runs its course (6 months to a year or more is ideal). A man with kids is more likely to want to meet my kids and blend lives—I am not interested. I just need someone who can say “yes, let’s meet at x time and x date” and I need to know 24 hours in advance in case I need a sitter that day. All that is required is someone who can plan a little better. That’s it.

I don't know why would any man want to date you. You are physically, mentally and emotionally unavailable and no, those small windows in your rigid schedule do not count.
I'm a woman.

I had a boyfriend most of last year. It was not an issue. He could confirm plans. We met once or twice a week. It was fine.

I believe it happened once. But seems like you're looking for someone who'd fit your schedule and your exact terms; when you're not offering much, except your very limited company.
Men your age who are not married are playing the field and have more opportunities on the dating market than a woman with a kid.
Maybe you need to look someone older, who is into companionship only.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I agree. He said he does not want super casual...well he is acting like it now. It's bizarre. But I do agree, yes, it is hard when you don't want super casual or cohabitation/marriage. However, I have done a lot of reading about this and a lot of people in their 40s and 50s (I am early 40s) who are done with kids are in the same boat...call it relationship-lite...so I know I am not the only one who feels this way. But it is hard to run into people who do as well...

Do a lot of men feel that way, though? I am wondering why they would, when they could either get 1) the benefit of a woman taking care of them, to a degree, assuming a stereotypical male/female serious relationship; or 2) the benefit of no strings attached do what I want when I feel like it and get sex, from a very casual relationship. I can see why a lot of women would find the relationship lite option appealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's juggling other women, and you aren't #1. I do the same thing.

This.

He can’t plan ahead because you are his Plan B. He reaches out when it’s convenient for him.

Move on.

When a guy likes you, he reaches out and tries to woo you. Dating really isn’t hard when both people are into it.

PS - When both people are into it, you prioritize being together…and you don’t go weeks between dates.

To be fair, OP's post suggests that she is aware of the other demands on his time:

"we do not see each other often (every few weeks—not going to get into details about that)."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's juggling other women, and you aren't #1. I do the same thing.

This.

He can’t plan ahead because you are his Plan B. He reaches out when it’s convenient for him.

Move on.

When a guy likes you, he reaches out and tries to woo you. Dating really isn’t hard when both people are into it.

PS - When both people are into it, you prioritize being together…and you don’t go weeks between dates.

We have a reason to go weeks between dates…neither of us live alone.

You're saying you're both in relationships? If he lives with his significant other, why are you so confused about his behavior?

No, I have kids a lot. His cousin lives with him. We have met mostly outside since summer. In October he was traveling and was sick another weekend. I was unavailable one weekend in November (ex out of town for a week actually so I could not get away) and now I have had a cold for about 8 days. It is cold now and not as easy to meet as it was before mid-Oct. we do not want to meet in busy indoor places and have not. It is not like either of us can say “just come over” if we want to meet, which most people can. I am moving soon and will have more free time and have kids a bit less and will have more time but right now I am not as available as others and his cousin lives with him and is apparently a homebody.

Uh huh. Of course he does. [snicker]