Explain this behavior to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

There is a lot to unpack. He sounds like a flake and a bit sketchy with the weird cousin thing. However, if I just asked someone how they were feeling and they sent me that detailed response regarding their schedule, I would find it a bit odd or offputting. I just don't see this as a fit, it doesn't matter what the reason for his behavior is. Nothing to do but move along here.

He is a flake. It is not weird to say when you are free when you are trying to make plans.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like she is more concerned about the process of dating. Like adhering to strict rules of etiquette or something. And she sounds desperate. Definitely trying to fit someone into her tight schedule and has nothing to offer except perhaps sex. Probably ugly. Work on your looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes he is being passive aggressive. The last time a guy treated me like this he turned out to be a massive cheater.

Move on, this guy is simply not that interested.

I'm surprised people didn't suggest this earlier. I think he's married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes he is being passive aggressive. The last time a guy treated me like this he turned out to be a massive cheater.

Move on, this guy is simply not that interested.

I'm surprised people didn't suggest this earlier. I think he's married.

It was suggested on the second page.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot to unpack. He sounds like a flake and a bit sketchy with the weird cousin thing. However, if I just asked someone how they were feeling and they sent me that detailed response regarding their schedule, I would find it a bit odd or offputting. I just don't see this as a fit, it doesn't matter what the reason for his behavior is. Nothing to do but move along here.


He is a flake. It is not weird to say when you are free when you are trying to make plans.

He didn't ask to make plans, he asked how you were feeling. Also, assuming that you were trying to make plans, telling a man that you are free after midnight only on a given day definitely gives the impressions that this relationship is pretty much a booty call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is a lot to unpack. He sounds like a flake and a bit sketchy with the weird cousin thing. However, if I just asked someone how they were feeling and they sent me that detailed response regarding their schedule, I would find it a bit odd or offputting. I just don't see this as a fit, it doesn't matter what the reason for his behavior is. Nothing to do but move along here.


He is a flake. It is not weird to say when you are free when you are trying to make plans.

He didn't ask to make plans, he asked how you were feeling. Also, assuming that you were trying to make plans, telling a man that you are free after midnight only on a given day definitely gives the impressions that this relationship is pretty much a booty call.

I never said I was free after midnight. On Friday (in response to his text), I said if you want to talk I would be free super late probably near midnight. I was not suggesting meeting near or after midnight.

Also, saying your availability is not desperate. We were supposed to meet Thursday. When I did not have a solid time by 6 pm, I said we can meet another day instead. We already had plans but I can’t do last minute and told him that earlier in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is more concerned about the process of dating. Like adhering to strict rules of etiquette or something. And she sounds desperate. Definitely trying to fit someone into her tight schedule and has nothing to offer except perhaps sex. Probably ugly. Work on your looks.

This is bizarre. Most people need to make plans to meet. I have never run into this before. Not unattractive in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like she is more concerned about the process of dating. Like adhering to strict rules of etiquette or something. And she sounds desperate. Definitely trying to fit someone into her tight schedule and has nothing to offer except perhaps sex. Probably ugly. Work on your looks.

This is bizarre. Most people need to make plans to meet. I have never run into this before. Not unattractive in the slightest.

You’re the one on here with the problem. Try to be less rigid. Btw no one is invested in someone they see once every few weeks. Regardless of what you think it is, it’s just a booty call for him. Just reading all your responses and unwillingness to own any of these issues is exhausting. I can’t imagine what dating you would actually look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In case anyone wanted an update, on Friday at 7 pm, I got this message:

“Hey! Sorry, I fell asleep last night. How are you feeling?”

(I have had a cold.)

I responded an hour later when I saw the message:

“Hey. With kids. Neighbor friend coming over to catch up after kids sleep.

I feel okay…like I just had a cold or it is winter. Not 100% but probably 98%. Free to chat or whatever the rest of the weekend after tonight unless you are up super late—like close to midnight —we usually talk a couple is hours since we have not caught up since school started.”

Nothing since. Crazy.

I literally said I was free all weekend. This is the problem. I say when I am free but then hear nothing. I think blocking is probably the way to go at this point as PPs have suggested.

Uh. Op. Your text makes no sense. Did you copy it to us wrong or is that what you sent him? You sound illiterate in that text.

98% okay. Doesn’t sound like he asked anything about when you were free to chat or whatever. Move on

[Anonymous]

Here’s what’s going on in this situation. They guy is amused by jerking OP around. He’s well aware that she expects him to be normal and schedule dates like normal people do. But not only is he not willing to be controlled that way, he gets off controlling her by jerking her around and manufacturing emotional responses born out of the confusion and resentment he’s generating in her. This guy apparently said he wanted them to exclusive, then he’s inexplicably switched it up and is acting like an airhead. All the while he seems innocent, while she’s looking more and more unhinged trying to understand what’s going on because it makes no sense. So here is what’s going on: your disappointed and indignant behavior is exactly what he’s enjoying from you now. It means he is at least a few ladder rungs above you. Kick this guy off the ladder and and anyone else like it at the first signs of this behavior.

[Anonymous]

Also, saying your availability is not desperate. We were supposed to meet Thursday. When I did not have a solid time by 6 pm, I said we can meet another day instead. We already had plans but I can’t do last minute and told him that earlier in the day.

I never said you were desperate. Look, this guy clearly has a lot of faults and was jerking you around. At the same time, the feedback that I am offering you is that your text to him came across strange and gave too much detail based on what he texted you, and also came across weirdly brusque (like why couldn't you just answer how you were feeling and not immediately get into the fact that you were with your kids? It takes like two seconds to answer a text like the one he sent). You are free to take or leave that feedback for the next relationship, which will hopefully be with a better guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Also, saying your availability is not desperate. We were supposed to meet Thursday. When I did not have a solid time by 6 pm, I said we can meet another day instead. We already had plans but I can’t do last minute and told him that earlier in the day.

I never said you were desperate. Look, this guy clearly has a lot of faults and was jerking you around. At the same time, the feedback that I am offering you is that your text to him came across strange and gave too much detail based on what he texted you, and also came across weirdly brusque (like why couldn't you just answer how you were feeling and not immediately get into the fact that you were with your kids? It takes like two seconds to answer a text like the one he sent). You are free to take or leave that feedback for the next relationship, which will hopefully be with a better guy.

Because I did not want to be called, that is why I texted that. Also, given our rapport, it is not strange. He texts me details like that too when he is busy so I know calling would not be a good time to chat. That is why I texted that. An entire narrative based on a few texts I have shared is not enough to be accurate. Anyway, he is not worth exclusivity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Also, saying your availability is not desperate. We were supposed to meet Thursday. When I did not have a solid time by 6 pm, I said we can meet another day instead. We already had plans but I can’t do last minute and told him that earlier in the day.

I never said you were desperate. Look, this guy clearly has a lot of faults and was jerking you around. At the same time, the feedback that I am offering you is that your text to him came across strange and gave too much detail based on what he texted you, and also came across weirdly brusque (like why couldn't you just answer how you were feeling and not immediately get into the fact that you were with your kids? It takes like two seconds to answer a text like the one he sent). You are free to take or leave that feedback for the next relationship, which will hopefully be with a better guy.

Because I did not want to be called, that is why I texted that. Also, given our rapport, it is not strange. He texts me details like that too when he is busy so I know calling would not be a good time to chat. That is why I texted that. An entire narrative based on a few texts I have shared is not enough to be accurate. Anyway, he is not worth exclusivity.

Why don’t you just say you can’t talk right now? Why even respond? You don’t have to answer the phone if he calls. Silence notifications from him? Turn your ringer off. This is so weird.

[Anonymous]

OP is going to be single for a long time

[Anonymous]

Move on! He’s either not into you or not in a place to be a responsive partner (he may never be in this place). You have kids, so your life is complicated enough already (mom of 2 here). Don’t waste your energy/time.