If you have dated a 30+ man in your teens and early twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, he was an immature loser who couldn't engage a woman of his on age and peer group. It was extremely difficult to get rid of him and he told me I ruined his life. I was 19, he was 30.

Yup, this. Men who date women in a different phase of life are really gross.

[Anonymous]

I was always into older men. I wanted to date a guy that was 28 when I was 16. My cousin who was friends with him said no. Later I dated a 30 year old in my 20s for 5 years. I was such a mess and really matured. We ate at fancy restaurants every weekend and it was just what I wanted and needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to offer a counter-example (though not my own). My older sister was 19 when she met her now DH, who was 31. I actually met him before they started dating (they worked together), and I was like, "He's totally in love with you, and I think he'd be an awesome brother in law." She was mature for her age, and he was unsettled (not immature, I wouldn't say).

Anyway, they celebrated their 20th anniversary this year, so I guess something about it made sense. He is a great BIL.

What the hell is wrong with you that you pushed your teenaged sister to date a fully grown man? And yes he was immature.

They've been married 20 years and together for almost 30. WTH is wrong with you that this is your only takeaway?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

again, more than just one or two and there are likely so many more women who are remaining in the shadows so as to avoid the nastiness from people like you.

You don't get it. Yes, of course there are women interested in older men. But when it comes time to settling down, 99% of the women here wrote that they married someone more appropriate in age for them. Older men also come with children and prior wives. For those of us growing up in the 80s and 90s with divorced parents, we know to stay away from all this drama. In summary, in pursuing young women, a younger cute guy with great earning potential has the best picks and an older man with so so income and prior emotional baggage and family responsibilities the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

again, more than just one or two and there are likely so many more women who are remaining in the shadows so as to avoid the nastiness from people like you.

You don't get it. Yes, of course there are women interested in older men. But when it comes time to settling down, 99% of the women here wrote that they married someone more appropriate in age for them. Older men also come with children and prior wives. For those of us growing up in the 80s and 90s with divorced parents, we know to stay away from all this drama. In summary, in pursuing young women, a younger cute guy with great earning potential has the best picks and an older man with so so income and prior emotional baggage and family responsibilities the worst.

you're deflecting and changing the issue. no one had been talking about marriage - you are the one who brought this up. now you are putting qualifiers into the mix too. no one is denying that the older guys could have been creeps either but that is not the point, so just stop deflecting and making up excuses to fit your own narrative.

the basic issue is that, and contrary to your belief, there are more examples of younger women dating older men than you would care to believe. there are real facts and then there are alternative facts (or just made up sh*t to support an argument).

[Anonymous]

I went out on dates with some men in their late twenties early thirties and even a forty year old when I was like eighteen or nineteen. Now looking back in my early forties they were giant creeps and I was lucky the most I was subjected to was suggestive innuendo and never was in private situations where I could have been pressured to do more. They were flat out creeps and had no business propositioning me. I remember the forty year old in particular. I went out for dinner with him, realized he was way too old and didn’t want to see him again. He then gave me a mixed cd at the end of the night with the whole you must return it to me. I was young and naive and didn’t know how to say no and I didn’t want to see him again. I went out with him a couple more times while he would tell me how he used to have a younger gf before avoiding him for good.

[Anonymous]

From above, those losers would try to impress me with dinners and money and how successful they were (not). While I liked the dinners that was the extent of it. I remember cringing when I was with the 40 year old and bumped into some of his old friends. Age appropriate men and much better and now as a mother I will chase these creeps off if they ever come near my teen kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This entire thread refutes the usual DCUM response of "no 20 something is going to be interested in a 30+/40+ year old man."

Yeah, nice try. With one or two exceptions, all of those young people grew up to see those older men for the predators they were.

again, more than just one or two and there are likely so many more women who are remaining in the shadows so as to avoid the nastiness from people like you.

You don't get it. Yes, of course there are women interested in older men. But when it comes time to settling down, 99% of the women here wrote that they married someone more appropriate in age for them. Older men also come with children and prior wives. For those of us growing up in the 80s and 90s with divorced parents, we know to stay away from all this drama. In summary, in pursuing young women, a younger cute guy with great earning potential has the best picks and an older man with so so income and prior emotional baggage and family responsibilities the worst.

If I was married to a man ten years older that I met in my 20s, I wouldn't post in this thread because of people like you. I know multiple marriages with a ten year gap, and now, 20+ years out, they seem on average happier than most.

[Anonymous]

This thread is crazy. All of these women who say something like “in retrospect he [the older man] was a creep.” You were all young women who chose to date an older man. Nothing wrong with that because you were all adults with agency, free will, and a full capacity for rational thought. 18 year olds can serve in combat for Christ sake!
Nobody was a “predator” when they pursued a relationship with a consenting adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy. All of these women who say something like “in retrospect he [the older man] was a creep.” You were all young women who chose to date an older man. Nothing wrong with that because you were all adults with agency, free will, and a full capacity for rational thought. 18 year olds can serve in combat for Christ sake!
Nobody was a “predator” when they pursued a relationship with a consenting adult.

You don't recognize the power imbalance between a teenager and a 30 year old? Life experience alone make these 2 groups divergent. Teens should be with their peer group, as should adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, he was an immature loser who couldn't engage a woman of his on age and peer group. It was extremely difficult to get rid of him and he told me I ruined his life. I was 19, he was 30.

OMG same. I was 20 and he was 34. I thought it was obvious our fling would end when I left my one-year study program; he said he was in love and internet stalked me for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy. All of these women who say something like “in retrospect he [the older man] was a creep.” You were all young women who chose to date an older man. Nothing wrong with that because you were all adults with agency, free will, and a full capacity for rational thought. 18 year olds can serve in combat for Christ sake!
Nobody was a “predator” when they pursued a relationship with a consenting adult.

Nobody in their right mind thinks 18 years old should be serving in combat. Jeez, their brains are not fully formed.

The average age of military in WW2 was 26, Vietnam 18... that was a FUBAR.

Hey there are 11 year olds in africa that are soldiers,... who the F cares, that is a bad decision.

[Anonymous]

I'm 42 and have mostly dated early 20s for the past five years since single again, but I have no illusions. In fact, I'm very aware that the younger woman has the power balance in the relationship and it will end when they get bored and want to date someone closer to their age they see a future with.

In almost every case, they stay friends and say they I treated them better than the guys their own age.

Also, I can still remember my own life and know there was a huge difference from 18yo college me to the time I was 22. Everyone I've dated has been out of school and living on their own, which makes a huge difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When this happens it's because the guy is gross. Period. Even if you ended up marrying him. He's still pathetic and gross.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in my early 20s and he was 19 years older, very successful, never married, no children. It was fun for 3 years - we traveled a lot, he bought me $$$ jewelry. He wanted to marry me but, despite being young and dumb, I knew he was trouble. He was incredibly controlling: he'd buy me clothes without asking me what I want, he'd always pick the restaurants and movies, he would count my carbs although I was rail thin etc. He had pool parties and he introduced me as "my gf, who went to X Ivy and is a former model." Everything else about me was not important, he never once asked me about my work or family. He was also on the short side with small eyes, so I knew I didn't want to have kids with him. I'm still friends with his sibling and I heard that he got married at 60 y/o after his gf of 10 years threatened to leave because she was 40 and wanted a baby. He was reluctant to marry her because she went to University of Colorado lol. They have a baby girl now.

Hehe men like that are weird. Men with age gaps with a woman of more than 5 years have issues.