If you have dated a 30+ man in your teens and early twenties

[Anonymous]

I was 21 and he was 32. I thought he was wonderful and brilliant and he also thought he was wonderful and brilliant, so this was our common ground. It was sick. He would subtly put me down and I only saw years later how immature and manipulative this man was. Eventually, I found out that he was cheating on me and he smugly informed me that he wanted his wife and children to be Jewish, so of course he had been on a Jewish dating site the whole time, and of course our relationship was "for fun" (these were things he had never told me).

I wasn't mature enough to see him for what he was back then, and he definitely knew this and took advantage of my starry-eyed naivete. I felt as if I was a worse person for what being with him did to me.

It isn't illegal, but a 21 year old dating somebody 10 or more years older raises a lot of red flags for me now, simply because it is so obvious to the older person that the young person doesn't have the world experience to understand many adult situations.

I advised my own child not to date more than 5 years older.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This thread is so amusing because it brings to mind all the guys on here who talk about dating much younger after divorce or who have APs who are much younger. It’s actually refreshing that most of the women look back and realize they had daddy issues - the guys on here should take note.

But the fact that so many women were in these relationships, and quite a few still have fond memories. just goes to disprove the regular "ewww" and typical "no one wants to date a man XX years older" that we frequently see in numerous threads.

No, it's just one.

I find it fascinating that of all the responses, every single woman regrets it UNLESS they married him (save for the one creepy exception). I wonder if an objective therapist looking in at those “happy” marriages that were formed between adults and children would agree that the marriages are healthy.

Oh please. I don't regret it. I didn't marry him. I recognized then and recognize now how it looked for him and for me. We joked about it. I was a bit older, in my mid-twenties, but I have zero regrets. Not everyone is an a$$ or dysfunctional woman with daddy issues.

Agreed! Not everyone is, but you managed to be both…

How does that indicate daddy issues or that either of us are a$$holes - in your infinite dcum wisdom?
I met someone I cared about, shared several years of a monogamous relationship, no children were involved, we were honest and open and when we broke up, we remained friends. We both went on to marry others and have been been married for close to 20 years. Seems pretty healthy and normal to me.

My 50 yo BFF was you when she was 30-45, then she went to therapy. She said to me a year ago… do you think I have “daddy” issues.

Like how do you NOT know you have daddy issues!!!!

It’s amazing what people don’t see in themselves

Awww, you must be an absolute joy to have as a BFF.
Something tells me that your husband left you for a much younger woman with this much angst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out on dates with some men in their late twenties early thirties and even a forty year old when I was like eighteen or nineteen. Now looking back in my early forties they were giant creeps and I was lucky the most I was subjected to was suggestive innuendo and never was in private situations where I could have been pressured to do more. They were flat out creeps and had no business propositioning me. I remember the forty year old in particular. I went out for dinner with him, realized he was way too old and didn’t want to see him again. He then gave me a mixed cd at the end of the night with the whole you must return it to me. I was young and naive and didn’t know how to say no and I didn’t want to see him again. I went out with him a couple more times while he would tell me how he used to have a younger gf before avoiding him for good.

You were not that naive. Seems like you knew you were doing, like the attention, money being spent on you, had distain for these men yet kept on “dating “ them.

[/b]disdain[b]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on dates with some men in their late twenties early thirties and even a forty year old when I was like eighteen or nineteen. Now looking back in my early forties they were giant creeps and I was lucky the most I was subjected to was suggestive innuendo and never was in private situations where I could have been pressured to do more. They were flat out creeps and had no business propositioning me. I remember the forty year old in particular. I went out for dinner with him, realized he was way too old and didn’t want to see him again. He then gave me a mixed cd at the end of the night with the whole you must return it to me. I was young and naive and didn’t know how to say no and I didn’t want to see him again. I went out with him a couple more times while he would tell me how he used to have a younger gf before avoiding him for good.

Gross. Glad you avoid anything happening with these losers! Just hearing these mild stories gives me the heeby jeebies. I never dated an older man in my teens/20s (or now, I am in my 30s and tend to date men in their 20s) but they were always swarming around and trying to talk to us at bars and stuff. They seem like such total losers and just had this very desperate, predatory, incel type energy. It was pathetic.

[Anonymous]

When I was 19, I dated a 38 year old. She taught me a lot about sex but after like two months it was just too weird—she had her own job and apartment, I was still living in a dorm going to 8am chemistry class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was 19, I dated a 38 year old. She taught me a lot about sex but after like two months it was just too weird—she had her own job and apartment, I was still living in a dorm going to 8am chemistry class.

Did you misread the thread title or was she confused about her gender? This is about dating MEN.