If you have dated a 30+ man in your teens and early twenties

[Anonymous]

I was 20 he was 31. He was the first guy to e we give me attention. We dated for a few years. Then he cheated on me with a much older woman and I was done. He is currently 50, unemployed and single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so amusing because it brings to mind all the guys on here who talk about dating much younger after divorce or who have APs who are much younger. It’s actually refreshing that most of the women look back and realize they had daddy issues - the guys on here should take note.

But the fact that so many women were in these relationships, and quite a few still have fond memories. just goes to disprove the regular "ewww" and typical "no one wants to date a man XX years older" that we frequently see in numerous threads.

No, it's just one.

I find it fascinating that of all the responses, every single woman regrets it UNLESS they married him (save for the one creepy exception). I wonder if an objective therapist looking in at those “happy” marriages that were formed between adults and children would agree that the marriages are healthy.

Oh please. I don't regret it. I didn't marry him. I recognized then and recognize now how it looked for him and for me. We joked about it. I was a bit older, in my mid-twenties, but I have zero regrets. Not everyone is an a$$ or dysfunctional woman with daddy issues.

Agreed! Not everyone is, but you managed to be both…

How does that indicate daddy issues or that either of us are a$$holes - in your infinite dcum wisdom?
I met someone I cared about, shared several years of a monogamous relationship, no children were involved, we were honest and open and when we broke up, we remained friends. We both went on to marry others and have been been married for close to 20 years. Seems pretty healthy and normal to me.

[Anonymous]

I was a 21 year old college student interning at a law firm and the hot-shot, charismatic junior partner. We would have conversations in his office about life. I ran into him at a happy hour (I heard he was going there and went to find him), we went out late one-on-one and then went to my place and had sex. It went on for the rest of the summer until I went back to school at Tulane. I sent him a couple of handwritten "miss you" notes to his office which must have been cringy since he was (and still is) married.

I got a boyfriend back at school which made me forget about him, but I was definitely in the young and in love. In retrospect, he was a nice guy, amazing in bed and gave me the confidence to go to law school and I am a successful lawyer. Now that men like him are my peers, I can see him as the serial player. But I don't regret it, it was a life experience that helped shape me, for better or worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a 21 year old college student interning at a law firm and the hot-shot, charismatic junior partner. We would have conversations in his office about life. I ran into him at a happy hour (I heard he was going there and went to find him), we went out late one-on-one and then went to my place and had sex. It went on for the rest of the summer until I went back to school at Tulane. I sent him a couple of handwritten "miss you" notes to his office which must have been cringy since he was (and still is) married.

I got a boyfriend back at school which made me forget about him, but I was definitely in the young and in love. In retrospect, he was a nice guy, amazing in bed and gave me the confidence to go to law school and I am a successful lawyer. Now that men like him are my peers, I can see him as the serial player. But I don't regret it, it was a life experience that helped shape me, for better or worse.

laissez les bon temps rouler

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went out on dates with some men in their late twenties early thirties and even a forty year old when I was like eighteen or nineteen. Now looking back in my early forties they were giant creeps and I was lucky the most I was subjected to was suggestive innuendo and never was in private situations where I could have been pressured to do more. They were flat out creeps and had no business propositioning me. I remember the forty year old in particular. I went out for dinner with him, realized he was way too old and didn’t want to see him again. He then gave me a mixed cd at the end of the night with the whole you must return it to me. I was young and naive and didn’t know how to say no and I didn’t want to see him again. I went out with him a couple more times while he would tell me how he used to have a younger gf before avoiding him for good.

You were not that naive. Seems like you knew you were doing, like the attention, money being spent on you, had distain for these men yet kept on “dating “ them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so amusing because it brings to mind all the guys on here who talk about dating much younger after divorce or who have APs who are much younger. It’s actually refreshing that most of the women look back and realize they had daddy issues - the guys on here should take note.

But the fact that so many women were in these relationships, and quite a few still have fond memories. just goes to disprove the regular "ewww" and typical "no one wants to date a man XX years older" that we frequently see in numerous threads.

No, it's just one.

I find it fascinating that of all the responses, every single woman regrets it UNLESS they married him (save for the one creepy exception). I wonder if an objective therapist looking in at those “happy” marriages that were formed between adults and children would agree that the marriages are healthy.

Oh please. I don't regret it. I didn't marry him. I recognized then and recognize now how it looked for him and for me. We joked about it. I was a bit older, in my mid-twenties, but I have zero regrets. Not everyone is an a$$ or dysfunctional woman with daddy issues.

Agreed! Not everyone is, but you managed to be both…

How does that indicate daddy issues or that either of us are a$$holes - in your infinite dcum wisdom?
I met someone I cared about, shared several years of a monogamous relationship, no children were involved, we were honest and open and when we broke up, we remained friends. We both went on to marry others and have been been married for close to 20 years. Seems pretty healthy and normal to me.

My 50 yo BFF was you when she was 30-45, then she went to therapy. She said to me a year ago… do you think I have “daddy” issues.

Like how do you NOT know you have daddy issues!!!!

It’s amazing what people don’t see in themselves

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 42 and have mostly dated early 20s for the past five years since single again, but I have no illusions. In fact, I'm very aware that the younger woman has the power balance in the relationship and it will end when they get bored and want to date someone closer to their age they see a future with.

In almost every case, they stay friends and say they I treated them better than the guys their own age.

Also, I can still remember my own life and know there was a huge difference from 18yo college me to the time I was 22. Everyone I've dated has been out of school and living on their own, which makes a huge difference.

Get help!

[Anonymous]

was a 21 year old college student interning at a law firm and the hot-shot, charismatic junior partner. We would have conversations in his office about life. I ran into him at a happy hour (I heard he was going there and went to find him), we went out late one-on-one and then went to my place and had sex. It went on for the rest of the summer until I went back to school at Tulane. I sent him a couple of handwritten "miss you" notes to his office which must have been cringy since he was (and still is) married.

I got a boyfriend back at school which made me forget about him, but I was definitely in the young and in love. In retrospect, he was a nice guy, amazing in bed and gave me the confidence to go to law school and I am a successful lawyer. Now that men like him are my peers, I can see him as the serial player. But I don't regret it, it was a life experience that helped shape me, for better or worse.

The fact that as an adult you still don’t recognize that what you did was sh!tty and don’t regret it is beyond sad. No regret for chasing and sleeping with a guy you knew was married? So I’m sure you will understand when some college student dies the same with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is crazy. All of these women who say something like “in retrospect he [the older man] was a creep.” You were all young women who chose to date an older man. Nothing wrong with that because you were all adults with agency, free will, and a full capacity for rational thought. 18 year olds can serve in combat for Christ sake!
Nobody was a “predator” when they pursued a relationship with a consenting adult.

Nobody in their right mind thinks 18 years old should be serving in combat. Jeez, their brains are not fully formed.

The average age of military in WW2 was 26, Vietnam 18... that was a FUBAR.

Hey there are 11 year olds in africa that are soldiers,... who the F cares, that is a bad decision.

18 seems like a reasonable age. They can vote, they can enter into contracts,so why can't they choose who to date?

[Anonymous]

This thread is so....schoolmarmish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

was a 21 year old college student interning at a law firm and the hot-shot, charismatic junior partner. We would have conversations in his office about life. I ran into him at a happy hour (I heard he was going there and went to find him), we went out late one-on-one and then went to my place and had sex. It went on for the rest of the summer until I went back to school at Tulane. I sent him a couple of handwritten "miss you" notes to his office which must have been cringy since he was (and still is) married.

I got a boyfriend back at school which made me forget about him, but I was definitely in the young and in love. In retrospect, he was a nice guy, amazing in bed and gave me the confidence to go to law school and I am a successful lawyer. Now that men like him are my peers, I can see him as the serial player. But I don't regret it, it was a life experience that helped shape me, for better or worse.

The fact that as an adult you still don’t recognize that what you did was sh!tty and don’t regret it is beyond sad. No regret for chasing and sleeping with a guy you knew was married? So I’m sure you will understand when some college student dies the same with your husband.

She's a lawyer, so she's probably more in touch with reality than you are.

[Anonymous]

^ Haha I’m a lawyer, too, and mature enough to recognize that sleeping with married men is not only a bad idea but also devastating to another innocent person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was that experience like? What's it like being the 19 year old dating a 30something guy?

When I was 18, I met and dated a 34-year old single father. We lived together for two years, engaged for one of them. He was quite clear he was looking for someone to marry. It was a good relationship in some ways and not in others, and I always knew it won't be permanent. I broke the engagement and left him at 20 because I didn't want to be encumbered anymore. He promptly met and married someone two years younger than me. They have a child, and are still married 30 years later.

Then when I was 24, I had a 4-year relationship with a 48-year old. That one was true love in many ways. We had a really good time, although I could see that this probably won't be a lifelong relationship. Sadly, he developed cancer and died when I was 28. I was quite traumatized by his death for about six months, but recovered quickly after that. I think my system is just not designed for sustained pain or stress. Youth wants to go on.

I am now 48 married to a 55-year old with three kids, leading a conventional MC-UMC lifestyle. I think some relationships are meant for a particular phase in your life, and that's OK. Not everything has to be for life. I have very good memories of both relationships. They had their downsides but so does every other arrangement. No regrets whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Haha I’m a lawyer, too, and mature enough to recognize that sleeping with married men is not only a bad idea but also devastating to another innocent person.

NP. Not if they don't know, and it's the responsibility of the married person, not the unmarried one.

[Anonymous]

Yes. He was not a great catch, to say the least.