If you have dated a 30+ man in your teens and early twenties

[Anonymous]

I was in my early 20s and he was 19 years older, very successful, never married, no children. It was fun for 3 years - we traveled a lot, he bought me $$$ jewelry. He wanted to marry me but, despite being young and dumb, I knew he was trouble. He was incredibly controlling: he'd buy me clothes without asking me what I want, he'd always pick the restaurants and movies, he would count my carbs although I was rail thin etc. He had pool parties and he introduced me as "my gf, who went to X Ivy and is a former model." Everything else about me was not important, he never once asked me about my work or family. He was also on the short side with small eyes, so I knew I didn't want to have kids with him. I'm still friends with his sibling and I heard that he got married at 60 y/o after his gf of 10 years threatened to leave because she was 40 and wanted a baby. He was reluctant to marry her because she went to University of Colorado lol. They have a baby girl now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When this happens it's because the guy is gross. Period. Even if you ended up marrying him. He's still pathetic and gross.

+1

Yup. You have to wonder why he can't/ won't engage a woman who is his actual peer. Perhaps to be able to manipulate or control?

[Anonymous]

This thread is so amusing because it brings to mind all the guys on here who talk about dating much younger after divorce or who have APs who are much younger. It’s actually refreshing that most of the women look back and realize they had daddy issues - the guys on here should take note.

[Anonymous]

I got hit on by much older men a lot when I was in my teens and early twenties. I always thought they were repulsive and pathetic, and told them so.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to offer a counter-example (though not my own). My older sister was 19 when she met her now DH, who was 31. I actually met him before they started dating (they worked together), and I was like, "He's totally in love with you, and I think he'd be an awesome brother in law." She was mature for her age, and he was unsettled (not immature, I wouldn't say).

Anyway, they celebrated their 20th anniversary this year, so I guess something about it made sense. He is a great BIL.

[Anonymous]

I was 23 and he was in his early 40s. He was my neighbor in my condo complex. He was newly divorced and I was very sheltered and naive. Looking back, he definitely manipulated me a bunch and the whole thing was gross.

[Anonymous]

18 dating a 28 year old in college. I gave him my virginity; he gave me an STD.

Later, after college at the first few jobs/staff assistant stage in Washington DC, I dated plenty of older men I met in my professional circles. I thought they were interesting intellectually and had the same processional interests as me so we were compatible. They were not at all interested in my intellect or career aspirations. It took until #MeToo that I could see how completely inappropriate it was for the 35 year old leg. director to be dating a 22 year old LA, even when from another office or agency. But, it was normalized in DC then.

I don’t think I have Daddy issues, I just think I wasn’t meeting any smart guys my age and so I equated age and intelligence and stopped looking for age appropriate men (which is harder after college anyway).

I look at those guys now and ciew most of them as kind of skeevy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, he was an immature loser who couldn't engage a woman of his on age and peer group. It was extremely difficult to get rid of him and he told me I ruined his life. I was 19, he was 30.

This. Loser/predators.

[Anonymous]

I was 19, he was 28 and we were on again/off again and in regular communication for about 4 years. I was infatuated with him and he was hot and cold and very emotionally withholding. I was not happy but I was addicted to the rush of his attention (when he gave it). I realize, now, that he had (and has) major red flags and I wish I had been mature enough to set higher standards at the time. I do think he took advantage of how naive I was.

I’m now 32 with a wonderful DH my age and two kids. He is still single and still living in a 1 bedroom apartment by himself. I honestly think he is probably ok with this and it’s likely for the best, he’s got a boatload of issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seemed like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, he was an immature loser who couldn't engage a woman of his on age and peer group. It was extremely difficult to get rid of him and he told me I ruined his life. I was 19, he was 30.

This. Loser/predators.

I’m not saying it could never, ever happen but I generally agree with this sentiment. This is absolutely true if it’s more than a one time thing.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy when I was 25 and he was 32. We broke up when I was 27 and he was 34. It didn’t seem like a big age gap at the time, but now that I’m 34 I can’t imagine hanging out, much less spending all of my time, with a 27 year old.

He had issues holding down jobs but was nice and fun. He was bad with money and liked to party. As a PP mentioned, I just remember his friends didn’t really care for me which I understand now. They were all pushing 40 and I was mid-20s and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to offer a counter-example (though not my own). My older sister was 19 when she met her now DH, who was 31. I actually met him before they started dating (they worked together), and I was like, "He's totally in love with you, and I think he'd be an awesome brother in law." She was mature for her age, and he was unsettled (not immature, I wouldn't say).

Anyway, they celebrated their 20th anniversary this year, so I guess something about it made sense. He is a great BIL.

What the hell is wrong with you that you pushed your teenaged sister to date a fully grown man? And yes he was immature.

[Anonymous]

Fully regret it. I see very clearly now that he was a loser who no one closer to his age would tolerate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in my early 20s and he was 19 years older, very successful, never married, no children. It was fun for 3 years - we traveled a lot, he bought me $$$ jewelry. He wanted to marry me but, despite being young and dumb, I knew he was trouble. He was incredibly controlling: he'd buy me clothes without asking me what I want, he'd always pick the restaurants and movies, he would count my carbs although I was rail thin etc. He had pool parties and he introduced me as "my gf, who went to X Ivy and is a former model." Everything else about me was not important, he never once asked me about my work or family. He was also on the short side with small eyes, so I knew I didn't want to have kids with him. I'm still friends with his sibling and I heard that he got married at 60 y/o after his gf of 10 years threatened to leave because she was 40 and wanted a baby. He was reluctant to marry her because she went to University of Colorado lol. They have a baby girl now.

I love this so much. You go.

[Anonymous]

18 and he was 36. I didn’t feel the age difference at all. He was the nicest, sweetest guy and we just sort of met at the wrong point in our lives. He was married (unhappily), I was clearly too young for him to have a real relationship. I was smitten with him and I think he enjoyed feeling youthful with me. We had so many common interests and it just felt normal. We’d spend whatever time we could together. I still think about him all the time and will sneak a peek at his FB to see what’s going on in his life. I was completely in love with him at 18 but I knew it wasn’t going to last. I broke it off when I graduated high school and was heading to college. Married now 15 yrs two kids. I still fantasize about running into him one day and seeing him again.