Do you fantasize and/or hope your spouse has died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

Try being an abused spouse and you will rethink this assumption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

There are several of us who feel like this. We are no all psychos. We just made terrible mistakes in who we chose to marry. I for one actually believe my husband to be a psychopath, and he himself mentions it often. He as an extraordinarily gifted person in our courtship, in noticing and finding my vulnerability and maximizing my loyalty. It was only after we married that he revealed his truer self. He literally can turn off his feelings for a person, like a switch. When. He was upset with his adult daughter, she was dead to him. He just turned it off and chose not to think of her or feel anything. He talks often about murdering people, casually. Generally strangers. He has raging mood swings. He scares me.

So, yeah, if I woke up one morning and he were dead beside me, it would be a HUGE relief. I don’t think it is evil to fantasize about. It would be evil to actually kill him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

The fantasy is complete freedom to:
- raise my kids however I want to
- live in whatever city I choose to live in
- have a couple of million in life insurance

Divorce gets none of these.
Divorce just seems like all of the hassle of being married without the sex and companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but even though life would be more difficult at first, I still fantasize and harbor a little hope that DH will get in to a fatal car acccident or plane crash (sorry rest of the passengers) or have a heart attack when nobody is home ... Then I could help the kids off to college and live as I like.

No real reason to initiate a divorce though. He's a good person, overall.

Jesus Christ, marriage is such a clusterf**k. Threads like this remind me why I decided I never want to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but even though life would be more difficult at first, I still fantasize and harbor a little hope that DH will get in to a fatal car acccident or plane crash (sorry rest of the passengers) or have a heart attack when nobody is home ... Then I could help the kids off to college and live as I like.

No real reason to initiate a divorce though. He's a good person, overall.

I am a widow. This is the shittiest thing I’ve ever reas on hear. Your kids will be left w/ no parents because you’re obviously a sociopath

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I imagine all the cheery lovey dovetail people on these threads to be fresh faced newlyweds or people who have been married for less than 5 years. Show me a couple that’s been together for 30+ years and ask these kinds of questions. I’d guarantee that at least 75% of them would say they’d THOUGHT it if they were being honest. Geez. It doesn’t mean you actually want your spouse to die. It’s just a fantasy of freedom.

+1.
I kind of wonder if it’s all the same person.

I’ve had this thought. It was about 8 years ago when a bunch of stressful stuff piled on all at once. And I know that DH has had these thoughts too.

One awesome thing about marriage is that you get to unload some of your stuff onto the other person, and they help share your burden. But the flip side of that is that you have to take on the other person’s burdens as well. It usually evens out over time, but there are days/months/years where one or the other of you is taking on a disproportionate amount, and sometimes you just wish the other person was out of your life. So, yeah, they are late getting home, and instead of hoping that nothing terrible happened, and they weren’t in some horrible car accident, you kind of hope they were.

[Anonymous]

Any young man considering marriage should read this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any young man considering marriage should read this thread.

Or watch Chris Rock
Or watch Judd Apatow movies
Or pay attention to any number of pop culture references where this feeling is mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I imagine all the cheery lovey dovetail people on these threads to be fresh faced newlyweds or people who have been married for less than 5 years. Show me a couple that’s been together for 30+ years and ask these kinds of questions. I’d guarantee that at least 75% of them would say they’d THOUGHT it if they were being honest. Geez. It doesn’t mean you actually want your spouse to die. It’s just a fantasy of freedom.

+1.
I kind of wonder if it’s all the same person.

I’ve had this thought. It was about 8 years ago when a bunch of stressful stuff piled on all at once. And I know that DH has had these thoughts too.

One awesome thing about marriage is that you get to unload some of your stuff onto the other person, and they help share your burden. But the flip side of that is that you have to take on the other person’s burdens as well. It usually evens out over time, but there are days/months/years where one or the other of you is taking on a disproportionate amount, and sometimes you just wish the other person was out of your life. So, yeah, they are late getting home, and instead of hoping that nothing terrible happened, and they weren’t in some horrible car accident, you kind of hope they were.

There are nauseating cheery lovey doves, but then there are also the voices of reason. The women wanting their husbands to die in their beds beside them - I only hope you're careful what you wish for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I imagine all the cheery lovey dovetail people on these threads to be fresh faced newlyweds or people who have been married for less than 5 years. Show me a couple that’s been together for 30+ years and ask these kinds of questions. I’d guarantee that at least 75% of them would say they’d THOUGHT it if they were being honest. Geez. It doesn’t mean you actually want your spouse to die. It’s just a fantasy of freedom.

+1.
I kind of wonder if it’s all the same person.

I’ve had this thought. It was about 8 years ago when a bunch of stressful stuff piled on all at once. And I know that DH has had these thoughts too.

One awesome thing about marriage is that you get to unload some of your stuff onto the other person, and they help share your burden. But the flip side of that is that you have to take on the other person’s burdens as well. It usually evens out over time, but there are days/months/years where one or the other of you is taking on a disproportionate amount, and sometimes you just wish the other person was out of your life. So, yeah, they are late getting home, and instead of hoping that nothing terrible happened, and they weren’t in some horrible car accident, you kind of hope they were.

There are nauseating cheery lovey doves, but then there are also the voices of reason. The women wanting their husbands to die in their beds beside them - I only hope you're careful what you wish for.

You do know that manifesting things into existence doesn't work, right?? Or DH would be dead already. And so would I, to be sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Many of us feel this way because we are miserable in our marriages but we know our spouse would make our lives 10x the living hell (-!: hurt our kids on purpose) if we left. Of course divorce would be better if that were an option. But that’s why many of us fantasize about our spouse dying.

I know my kid would be sad that his parent had died but I think he would suffer so much more if his dad turned his fury on me head on.

Divorce and custody with the poor kids going back and fourth has never worked. Even in the best of situations it's too traumatic on the kids. The blended family never worked, and was a term coined because it sounded better than dysfunctional. Sometimes divorce is necessary, but when I keep seeing men have more kids with other partners I think they are disgusting.

To be sure a lot of women are stuck because of kids and finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but even though life would be more difficult at first, I still fantasize and harbor a little hope that DH will get in to a fatal car acccident or plane crash (sorry rest of the passengers) or have a heart attack when nobody is home ... Then I could help the kids off to college and live as I like.

No real reason to initiate a divorce though. He's a good person, overall.

I am a widow. This is the shittiest thing I’ve ever reas on hear. Your kids will be left w/ no parents because you’re obviously a sociopath

I know two widows and they were pretty happy. Stuck in horrible marriages and divorce would have left them with more problems.

Let's just say they successfully transitioned!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I imagine all the cheery lovey dovetail people on these threads to be fresh faced newlyweds or people who have been married for less than 5 years. Show me a couple that’s been together for 30+ years and ask these kinds of questions. I’d guarantee that at least 75% of them would say they’d THOUGHT it if they were being honest. Geez. It doesn’t mean you actually want your spouse to die. It’s just a fantasy of freedom.

+1.
I kind of wonder if it’s all the same person.

I’ve had this thought. It was about 8 years ago when a bunch of stressful stuff piled on all at once. And I know that DH has had these thoughts too.

One awesome thing about marriage is that you get to unload some of your stuff onto the other person, and they help share your burden. But the flip side of that is that you have to take on the other person’s burdens as well. It usually evens out over time, but there are days/months/years where one or the other of you is taking on a disproportionate amount, and sometimes you just wish the other person was out of your life. So, yeah, they are late getting home, and instead of hoping that nothing terrible happened, and they weren’t in some horrible car accident, you kind of hope they were.

There are nauseating cheery lovey doves, but then there are also the voices of reason. The women wanting their husbands to die in their beds beside them - I only hope you're careful what you wish for.

Look. I know some widows. A few younger ones. It's awful. There are people on here saying YES I LITERALLY WANT MY HUSBAND TO DIE. There are obviously also some people who are in REALLY bad marriages with abusive men. And then there are other people who are probably mid life, looking back at all the choices they made and fantasizing about have the freedom you lose in marriage. A PP said it well. Marriage is a partnership. You get a lot out of it. You give a lot too. I wouldn't blame my husband if I found out he occasionally fantasized about being totally free. Now, if he takes a knife to bed I'm going to worry.

Nobody in a decent relationship really wants their spouse to die. But fantasizing about a totally different life is pretty normal, I think. In a way, imagining that they randomly die....I never get into how or why in these thoughts...just a what if....it actually takes away the reality that would actually exist if I got divorced, which would be messy and not something I really want. It's like something that would just happen, and then I imagine what I'd do with my life.

In reality, I would probably fall apart. It would be terrible. But it's not wrong to think about things like this. It's not going to make them happen. I feel really bad for younger widows. That is no picnic. But it also doesn't make me feel guilty about having random thoughts pop into my head. I have weird thoughts and fantasies about all kinds of things. That doesn't mean I really want them to come true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

Try being an abused spouse and you will rethink this assumption.

+1,000,000