Reply to Do you fantasize and/or hope your spouse has died?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes I imagine all the cheery lovey dovetail people on these threads to be fresh faced newlyweds or people who have been married for less than 5 years. Show me a couple that’s been together for 30+ years and ask these kinds of questions. I’d guarantee that at least 75% of them would say they’d THOUGHT  it if they were being honest. Geez. It doesn’t mean you actually want your spouse to die. It’s just a fantasy of freedom.[/quote]

+1.  
I kind of wonder if it’s all the same person.

I’ve had this thought.  It was about 8 years ago when a bunch of stressful stuff piled on all at once.  And I know that DH has had these thoughts too.

One awesome thing about marriage is that you get to unload some of your stuff onto the other person, and they help share your burden.  But the flip side of that is that you have to take on the other person’s burdens as well.  It usually evens out over time, but there are days/months/years where one or the other of you is taking on a disproportionate amount, and sometimes you just wish the other person was out of your life.  So, yeah, they are late getting home, and instead of hoping that nothing terrible happened, and they weren’t in some horrible car accident, you kind of hope they were.  [/quote]

There are nauseating cheery lovey doves, but then there are also the voices of reason. The women wanting their husbands to die in their beds beside them - I only hope you're careful what you wish for.[/quote]

Look. I know some widows. A few younger ones. It's awful. There are people on here saying YES I LITERALLY WANT MY HUSBAND TO DIE. There are obviously also some people who are in REALLY bad marriages with abusive men. And then there are other people who are probably mid life, looking back at all the choices they made and fantasizing about have the freedom you lose in marriage. A PP said it well. Marriage is a partnership. You get a lot out of it. You give a lot too. I wouldn't blame my husband if I found out he occasionally fantasized about being totally free. Now, if he takes a knife to bed I'm going to worry.

Nobody in a decent relationship really wants their spouse to die. But fantasizing about a totally different life is pretty normal, I think. In a way, imagining that they randomly die....I never get into how or why in these thoughts...just a what if....it actually takes away the reality that would actually exist if I got divorced, which would be messy and not something I really want. It's like something that would just happen, and then I imagine what I'd do with my life.

In reality, I would probably fall apart. It would be terrible. But it's not wrong to think about things like this. It's not going to make them happen. I feel really bad for younger widows. That is no picnic. But it also doesn't make me feel guilty about having random thoughts pop into my head. I have weird thoughts and fantasies about all kinds of things. That doesn't mean I really want them to come true.[/quote]

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