Do you fantasize and/or hope your spouse has died?

[Anonymous]

Omg. No! I would be lost.

[Anonymous]

I have never hoped that he died. But, sometimes in my frustration at his refusal to take responsibility for his drinking and health issues, I have imagined what life would be like and made myself okay with the possibility. It would still be awful for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

[Anonymous]

No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I adore him and genuinely can't imagine living without him. Or depriving our child of a father. Or our friends of his presence in his life.

BUT I do have a weird single mom fantasy. Ever since I was a little kid I liked the idea of being a single mom to a daughter and just being out in the world on our own. And now I have a DD, and we are super close. I don't want anything to happen to my DH, but I do secretly love it when I get to do things with my DD just the two of us, and part of me would love to go live on our own for a while and just have a super girly mother-daughter sojourn. But again, not because something happened to my DH. This fantasy is totally separate from him.

[Anonymous]

She can make me angrier than anyone or anything else in this world.

I also pray that God takes me before He takes her.

10,30

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

Therapy.

However you cannot change another person, so divorce. Hoping/wishing death on your husband and the father of your children is not normal. Time to take action and make changes for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

Therapy.

However you cannot change another person, so divorce. Hoping/wishing death on your husband and the father of your children is not normal. Time to take action and make changes for yourself.

Especially since OP says, he’s a good person. Get help OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

Therapy.

However you cannot change another person, so divorce. Hoping/wishing death on your husband and the father of your children is not normal. Time to take action and make changes for yourself.

Or. Maybe you don’t need to change, and you are just going through a crappy part of your life right now.

[Anonymous]

No, I don’t hope he’ll die. I love him more than anyone else in the world other than my kids and I also would hate for my kids to lose their dad. However, like a PP, sometimes I do fantasize about being alone or being a single mom. I think if that were to actually be reality, I would be lonely and sad a lot but it’s still a small fantasy I have in the back of my mind. I think for me what it really means is I need more alone time and especially during the pandemic I have felt stuck/trapped at home sometimes w my spouse and I both WFH and last year having the kids in virtual school. It was/is just too much togetherness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

Therapy.

However you cannot change another person, so divorce. Hoping/wishing death on your husband and the father of your children is not normal. Time to take action and make changes for yourself.

Or. Maybe you don’t need to change, and you are just going through a crappy part of your life right now.

Wishing death is more than “a crappy part of life”.

Go talk to someone. That energy is not good for you.

[Anonymous]

I have wished somebody else's spouse die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I don’t hope he’ll die. I love him more than anyone else in the world other than my kids and I also would hate for my kids to lose their dad. However, like a PP, sometimes I do fantasize about being alone or being a single mom. I think if that were to actually be reality, I would be lonely and sad a lot but it’s still a small fantasy I have in the back of my mind. I think for me what it really means is I need more alone time and especially during the pandemic I have felt stuck/trapped at home sometimes w my spouse and I both WFH and last year having the kids in virtual school. It was/is just too much togetherness.

I am the PP you are talking about and you are so right about that fantasy being about needing more solitary time. I feel like the loss of independence from getting married and having a child kind of snuck up on me -- I didn't feel it as it happened because I was (and am) so in love with my DH and DD. But then one day you wake up and realize that you literally never get to be alone, to make a plan for yourself without factoring others into it. So I fantasize about single motherhood because it's almost like the loneliness would appeal to me. But I don't actually want to lose my DH. I just want to feel truly independent again. I wonder if he feels this way too sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No of course not.

If these are your thoughts, it is time for a divorce. You have one life.

That’s a very real and permanent step to take as a response to a transient thought.

What’s your response to people who think about suicide? Lobotomy?

Therapy.

However you cannot change another person, so divorce. Hoping/wishing death on your husband and the father of your children is not normal. Time to take action and make changes for yourself.

Or. Maybe you don’t need to change, and you are just going through a crappy part of your life right now.

Wishing death is more than “a crappy part of life”.

Go talk to someone. That energy is not good for you.

I’m ok. I can recognize that I have a thought and it doesn’t mean that I need to take drastic action to upend my life.
I get that you don’t have these thoughts, but they are totally normal. You can think about suicide, and it doesn’t mean that you are a bad person, and you need to change into a better person. And you can fantasize about your partner dying, and it doesn’t mean that you are in a bad marriage and need to divorce.
It might mean those things, but it might not.

Some parts of life are miserable and you just need to make it through them.
It’s very possible that you could be thinking about your spouse’s death or your own death right now, and in five years be very happy and glad to be alive and married to this person.
Not every thought requires drastic actions.