Do you fantasize and/or hope your spouse has died?

[Anonymous]

Fantasizing and wishing/hoping are different things.

Fantasizing is a coping mechanism. Hoping and wishing death require more internal insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but even though life would be more difficult at first, I still fantasize and harbor a little hope that DH will get in to a fatal car acccident or plane crash (sorry rest of the passengers) or have a heart attack when nobody is home ... Then I could help the kids off to college and live as I like.

No real reason to initiate a divorce though. He's a good person, overall.

oh my god.

so, i actually did feel this way a bit about a long-time boyfriend... fantasies that he would just never come back from a vacation, etc. i realize now that this meant that I was so daunted by the logistics of leaving him but really wanted to. I finally faced up to it (maybe a year after this feeling arose) and the logistics were truly awful but leaving him was an excellent choice for both of us.

current husband -- i would be devasted if he died.

[Anonymous]

No, because my child would be devastated. I had to leave because he made my life miserable and I lived in his apartment. I left the child there ofcourse and wanted to die the first 2 weeks when he ignored my texts to see the child.
We could not make our relationship work. I'm upset that he made me live in that misery and he is upset that I was unable to live in that misery.

[Anonymous]

Yes I have, at least every 6 months. Ive been married over 25 years. Those thoughts only happened after 15 plus years.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes he is so miserable that I think I want to die, but have him die? God no, never. That's absolutely sick.

[Anonymous]

OP, please excuse all the judgment. What you are describing is a very normal fantasy when couples are having a tough time. They talk about it extensively in the book “uncoupling”.

There is nothing sick about a fantasy. Most people can separate that from reality. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to say it but even though life would be more difficult at first, I still fantasize and harbor a little hope that DH will get in to a fatal car acccident or plane crash (sorry rest of the passengers) or have a heart attack when nobody is home ... Then I could help the kids off to college and live as I like.

No real reason to initiate a divorce though. He's a good person, overall.

Yes; even though I feel like total crap for it, as she's a wonderful mother and person and I have no real complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please excuse all the judgment. What you are describing is a very normal fantasy when couples are having a tough time. They talk about it extensively in the book “uncoupling”.

There is nothing sick about a fantasy. Most people can separate that from reality. Sheesh.

Society is judging OP for having pathological, murderous thoughts - and you want her to forgive everyone?
Haha you can be cell mates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not me but a friend confessed this to me once. Not that she actually wanted him to die, but that scenario was easier to imagine than being the one to initiate what would be a painful divorce. They did divorce and ironically he actually did die a few years later of natural causes. She wound up being devastated. It was very sad.

My friend just lost her ex-husband from a sudden death. They divorced two years ago and she genuinely seems devastated. I imagine it's mostly losing father of her children and of course some fond memories at some point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was being abused I felt that way. Unfortunately divorce was the only way out.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

[Anonymous]

No.

I have a wonderful marriage. My DH is the love of my life. Even the thought of my DH's death is devastating. I do realize after 30 years of marriage that we are getting old and one of us will probably go before the other. Very selfishly, I hope it is me.

I sometimes feel that people who hate their spouses perhaps are lucky in some way that they won't miss their spouse.

In my life I have been lucky to have had loving parents, siblings, DH, ILs, children and friends. While my life has been very good, losing people I love has been extremely painful. I fear for all my loved ones.

[Anonymous]

I've had feelings like this before. Usually more where I die in the accident, but sometimes the spouse/kids do instead.

Obviously when my mind wanders to the latter I feel pretty guilty about it later. Not the least because it wasn't that long ago when it nearly happened. I'll never forget the moment when the doctor came back to tell me I needed to prepare for the likelihood of my spouse's death (I already knew the situation was that bad, but there's still something different about it when you hear the doctor say it explicitly.)

Besides the guilt, there's also huge level cognitive dissonance. I certainly didn't want them to die in that moment, so why do I sometimes lose sight of that now?

[Anonymous]

Some of you people are really horrible. My spouse will not make it another 12 months and all I wish for is for her to live, but it won't happen. If you are that miserable you wish another person dead, get out now.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely do not wish any harm on my spouse. that said, I have pondered who I would bang if spouse were no longer in the picture.