Do you fantasize and/or hope your spouse has died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I have, at least every 6 months. Ive been married over 25 years. Those thoughts only happened after 15 plus years.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, please excuse all the judgment. What you are describing is a very normal fantasy when couples are having a tough time. They talk about it extensively in the book “uncoupling”.

There is nothing sick about a fantasy. Most people can separate that from reality. Sheesh.

Society is judging OP for having pathological, murderous thoughts - and you want her to forgive everyone?
Haha you can be cell mates

There is nothing "murderous" in what OP said. Can you read? Or do you not know the definition of murder? Or both?

Question 2. Do you know the difference between thoughts and actions? Here's a hint: only one path leads to a "cell".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

Yes, this. Thank god there's more than one sane person on this thread. The rest of you are like future murder-documentary material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's dark. I've been there, I had little fantasies that my exDH would die in an accident while traveling for work, thus giving me the ability to end the marriage without the explanations, stigma, or difficult conversations that would be involved with asking for a divorce. It was the point I realized I needed to leave the marriage.

Same here. I was with an emotional abuser who was really just a horrible person. I didn't want to suffer financially going through a divorce, and would have been ok if he did get in a accident. However, I realized that was pretty unlikely and divorced thankfully!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, please excuse all the judgment. What you are describing is a very normal fantasy when couples are having a tough time. They talk about it extensively in the book “uncoupling”.

There is nothing sick about a fantasy. Most people can separate that from reality. Sheesh.

I knew two women who were with awful men. Once they did die I can't say they were broken up about it. One promptly went on a cruise, the other ended up getting a bf pretty quick. If you're in a bad marriage that makes all the difference. Divorce is difficult for many with kids and financial problems.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Not sure I was expecting to be called a murderous psycho, but I probably should have been.

FYI. These are fantasies of my husband dying somewhere not near me, not plans to do away with my husband. Yikes. I'm not imagining killing him. I'm imagining he's died.

And to all of you who are hoping to die before your spouse, that is so sweet. None of my imaginings have that. I actually had to read those twice because it wasn't even in my frame of reference, wanting to die BEFORE my spouse.

I'm not going to dismiss the idea that I'm slightly off. I'm like everybody else, a flawed human being. Maybe more or less flawed that folks here, as people here seem practically perfect in every way. But I'm will say I'm fairly well grounded and am safe around myself and others. No need to lock me up just yet.

[Anonymous]

What's that saying...."Better to be a widow than a divorcee".

[Anonymous]

Recent widow here. He died unexpectedly, and part of my grief travels includes replaying arguments when I was less than skilled and revisiting moments when I wished he wasn't around. I can't say I wished he had died, but never envisioned the complications of divorce. Whatever the notion was, it is now laced with guilt that I ever thought of it. Our relationship was complicated and solid. If I could go back to the heated or sad moments and add a serving of appreciation instead of a fantasy of disappearance, I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A timely thread. I have feelings like this at times and I really can't explain why because my spouse is a good person. The closest thing I can come to is that in a lot of ways I regret getting married. It's not that I regret the person I married, it's that I think I would probably be happier by myself.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who feels like this needs to get divorced.

Anyone who feels like this is a psychopath. Wishing a person was out of of your life is one thing, but wishing they would die is another. What an evil person. OP is clearly psycho. I feel bad for her spouse.

I would like to raise my kids near my friends and family, and this is the only way it could ever happen. So, yeah, I fantasize about it sometimes. Does that really make me a psychopath?

[Anonymous]

Death would be “easier” logistically in the short term but the grief from a death would be, I think, harder and longer-lasting than the fallout from your average divorce, especially for any kids involved.

[Anonymous]

The OP was asking for people who can relate to her fantasy to chime in.

To those of you who are so blissfully happy that you can't imagine such horror, congratulations. You win.

To those that call her a murderous psychopath, hope you enjoy your view from the high horse.

To the OP, this is what you get when you turn to an anonymous chat board. Go see a therapist who will be empathic and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP was asking for people who can relate to her fantasy to chime in.

To those of you who are so blissfully happy that you can't imagine such horror, congratulations. You win.

To those that call her a murderous psychopath, hope you enjoy your view from the high horse.

To the OP, this is what you get when you turn to an anonymous chat board. Go see a therapist who will be empathic and helpful.

I actually think the OP sounds pretty put together.
The poster calling OP a murderous psychopath sounds like they, to use an official DSM-V terminology, have a screw loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP was asking for people who can relate to her fantasy to chime in.

To those of you who are so blissfully happy that you can't imagine such horror, congratulations. You win.

To those that call her a murderous psychopath, hope you enjoy your view from the high horse.

To the OP, this is what you get when you turn to an anonymous chat board. Go see a therapist who will be empathic and helpful.

I actually think the OP sounds pretty put together.
The poster calling OP a murderous psychopath sounds like they, to use an official DSM-V terminology, have a screw loose.

DP and +1 to the bolded (thanks for the chuckle).

OP, I love my husband enormously and would never actually wish him harm. But for an independent person in a non-perfect marriage, I don’t think these thoughts are uncommon or harmful. It’s just part of being human, as you said. I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The OP was asking for people who can relate to her fantasy to chime in.

To those of you who are so blissfully happy that you can't imagine such horror, congratulations. You win.

To those that call her a murderous psychopath, hope you enjoy your view from the high horse.

To the OP, this is what you get when you turn to an anonymous chat board. Go see a therapist who will be empathic and helpful.

I actually think the OP sounds pretty put together.
The poster calling OP a murderous psychopath sounds like they, to use an official DSM-V terminology, have a screw loose.

It's called having a moral foundation. There are cultures and religions in the world that weigh evil thoughts with evil deeds as being equal. I think even Catholicism has something to say about it...