Questions for sahm moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

Um, I have a nanny so I am not spread so thin with my three kids that I can't give them each individual attention. I'm almost always with a kid, and when I'm not, I'm entitled to a break just like DH when he goes on a lunch break at work!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only issue is a lot of good nannies wouldn’t want to work doe SAHMs out of a fear of being micromanaged. It would be easier if you already had a nanny that you have a good relationship with. Also, some nannies might resent a SAHM who spends a lot of time basically living a life of leisure. Of course if the SAHM is working hard too, there’s probably less potential for resentment. There was a case in NYC where the nanny resented the SAHM and killed her kids

WTF?! Don't take a job if you are going to resent your employer for hiring you instead of doing the job herself.

[Anonymous]

Move to Potomac or Bethesda. Plenty of SAHMs with nannies or au pairs here. I’m an outlier as a SAHM to 3 small children without help. Everyone seems to feel sorry for me.

I met my closest friends through the MOMS club and our preschool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

No, actually not. It’s a function of priorities. NP here. Some parents sacrifice for a qualified nanny and stay completely involved as SAHPs. Definitely a question of priorities the vast majority of the time. How many of the mommy-martyrs like PP, let their kids watch hours of TV in their overpriced McMansions in the suburbs rather then get educated help?

My SAHM friend with two kids and a full time nanny lives in a condo and her kids have never seen TV. Her four year old is reading and both kids understand and speak French (nanny) as well as have huge vocabularies thanks to mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens - get a nanny and preschool for your older kid and go back to work. Work for the next couple of years and when your child is in first grade then plan to quit.

What no one tells you - the early years are essentially caretaking and pretty much any nice, caring person can fill that role. When it matters for you to be around is starting at school age. That’s when the actual parenting begins and the intensity of care taking begins to ebb.

+1 truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

No, actually not. It’s a function of priorities. NP here. Some parents sacrifice for a qualified nanny and stay completely involved as SAHPs. Definitely a question of priorities the vast majority of the time. How many of the mommy-martyrs like PP, let their kids watch hours of TV in their overpriced McMansions in the suburbs rather then get educated help?

My SAHM friend with two kids and a full time nanny lives in a condo and her kids have never seen TV. Her four year old is reading and both kids understand and speak French (nanny) as well as have huge vocabularies thanks to mom.

You’re ridiculous if you think there’s only one good way to raise a child. There are cons to having too much adult attention as well. Not saying one should let their kids watch hours of TV, but at four I think letting a kid play independently is more important than teaching to read so you can brag to your friends

[Anonymous]

To answer your question 2: I was friendly with parents, but didn’t make good friends until my first kid started kindergarten. It gets easier when they are in elementary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

Our nanny would help watch the baby while I drove older kids to school, sports and activities. She also cooked and cleaned. We live in a 10,000+ sf house. She did our laundry. Yes, I may also use the nanny so I can go to the spa or work out but 90% of the time, I would have 1-3 kids while she watched 1-2 kids or was doing housework.

Now my kids are older and we stopped having a nanny during Covid. Youngest no longer naps and older two are old enough to stay home alone. We still have a housekeeper.

I am into my kids. I stopped working to spend more time with them. I was into them when I was working and also now that I stay home. Nanny allowed me to not drag a baby/toddler around during naptime. I could go on field trips and volunteer. I don’t feel guilty at all about having a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

No, actually not. It’s a function of priorities. NP here. Some parents sacrifice for a qualified nanny and stay completely involved as SAHPs. Definitely a question of priorities the vast majority of the time. How many of the mommy-martyrs like PP, let their kids watch hours of TV in their overpriced McMansions in the suburbs rather then get educated help?

My SAHM friend with two kids and a full time nanny lives in a condo and her kids have never seen TV. Her four year old is reading and both kids understand and speak French (nanny) as well as have huge vocabularies thanks to mom.

A four year old reading is no big deal. Mine were reading much younger. This has nothing to do with sahm. Smart kids who have someone working with them or just figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens - get a nanny and preschool for your older kid and go back to work. Work for the next couple of years and when your child is in first grade then plan to quit.

What no one tells you - the early years are essentially caretaking and pretty much any nice, caring person can fill that role. When it matters for you to be around is starting at school age. That’s when the actual parenting begins and the intensity of care taking begins to ebb.

+1 truth

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

No, actually not. It’s a function of priorities. NP here. Some parents sacrifice for a qualified nanny and stay completely involved as SAHPs. Definitely a question of priorities the vast majority of the time. How many of the mommy-martyrs like PP, let their kids watch hours of TV in their overpriced McMansions in the suburbs rather then get educated help?

My SAHM friend with two kids and a full time nanny lives in a condo and her kids have never seen TV. Her four year old is reading and both kids understand and speak French (nanny) as well as have huge vocabularies thanks to mom.

You’re ridiculous if you think there’s only one good way to raise a child. There are cons to having too much adult attention as well. Not saying one should let their kids watch hours of TV, but at four I think letting a kid play independently is more important than teaching to read so you can brag to your friends

I guess your kids weren’t early readers, PP.

The best way to raise a child is with love and attention. If you as a parent choose to accomplish that with help, more power to you. I’m tired of the mommy-martyrs too.

[Anonymous]

And a secure child doesn’t need to be taught independent play - they just do it happily and naturally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And a secure child doesn’t need to be taught independent play - they just do it happily and naturally.

They are less likely to do it if they always have someone hovering over them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

No, actually not. It’s a function of priorities. NP here. Some parents sacrifice for a qualified nanny and stay completely involved as SAHPs. Definitely a question of priorities the vast majority of the time. How many of the mommy-martyrs like PP, let their kids watch hours of TV in their overpriced McMansions in the suburbs rather then get educated help?

My SAHM friend with two kids and a full time nanny lives in a condo and her kids have never seen TV. Her four year old is reading and both kids understand and speak French (nanny) as well as have huge vocabularies thanks to mom.

You’re ridiculous if you think there’s only one good way to raise a child. There are cons to having too much adult attention as well. Not saying one should let their kids watch hours of TV, but at four I think letting a kid play independently is more important than teaching to read so you can brag to your friends

I guess your kids weren’t early readers, PP.

The best way to raise a child is with love and attention. If you as a parent choose to accomplish that with help, more power to you. I’m tired of the mommy-martyrs too.

An early reader is one who naturally starts developing the talent on their own and needs maybe a little adult help. Not someone who needs a 1-on-1 dedicated nanny to teach them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And a secure child doesn’t need to be taught independent play - they just do it happily and naturally.

They are less likely to do it if they always have someone hovering over them.

Okay, again, do you guys actually have 3+ kids? And have you stayed home with them? PP here again who is hiring an afternoon nanny for 5 and 3 when new baby comes. My current 4 yo is GREAT at independent play. But inevitably she will spill her craft glue, or my 2 yo will somehow find the hidden playdough and smash it into the couch, or one of them will decide it’s time to give their baby dolls a bath in the sink, and then just leave the sink partially running….. Kids need some loose supervision even when they are “playing independently.” And if you have 3+ kids, including a baby, it can be hard to juggle all the kids without losing your mind.