Questions for sahm moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

I know you’re being snarky and not interested in a good faith conversation, but I actually think it does these kids a disservice when we don’t allow them to be cared for by anybody but their parents. Yes they need attachment to a caregiver but relationships with extended family and nannies and even daycare providers can be really valuable for them as well. Plus it’s always bad for kids to be depending solely on two haggard parents to take care of them.

Why? My kids have never had a nanny or babysitter, just preschool and they are fine. We also didn't have family to help. We enjoyed being with them and found alternatives to do dates, such as lunches. We have a very strong bond with our kids.

You *never* used a babysitter? How can you have a date without a babysitter before your kids are too young to be left alone?

Anyway, we don't have family help or a nanny or daycare either. I see my kids' cousins who spend more time with their grandparents and they just have a stronger bond, which is so cool. I wish my kids had that, but we live too far away. We have sent our kids to my MIL's house for a few weeks to have some time with them. They all love it.

Relationships with people are just inherently valuable. There are more people to love, more things you can learn from different people, etc.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM with a nanny. You could take older one or younger one whichever you prefer. Go to the park, drop them at preschool, make play dates with other moms. I wouldn’t bring the nanny with you. Divide and conquer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

I’m a sahm to 3 under 5 and I’d love to have a part time nanny if we could afford it. You could leave the sleeping baby with the nanny and go to the park with kids, play with the baby while the nanny entertains the older kids, cook dinner in peace. I don’t think a nanny would necessarily mean you aren’t spending lots of time with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best mothers I have ever known were SAHMs with nannies. They are all relaxed, love being with their kids, have friends, passions, are interesting, and lives outside the house, and have really bright, secure kids.

No, I absolutely wouldn’t judge you negatively at all. I work from home on a flexible schedule with a brilliant, educated nanny and my kids are thriving and happy. Our nanny has a skill set neither DH nor I possess.

If you have a full-time nanny you are not really a real SAHM or spending much time with your kids. Big difference form you working and someone not working.

NP well obviously OP wouldn’t really be a sahm because she would be outsourcing her job but it does sound cushy!

[Anonymous]

The weirdest thing about these replies is people don’t realize three kids SAHM is different than one/two kids SAHM. She’s still parenting a lot of the time. She is just splitting her time and giving more one on one attention. The difference is as another poster said most people would put the older two in preschool. She’s not outsourcing the whole job.

She’s dividing and conquering. Seems smart to me if you can afford it. The SAHMs I know with three kids+ and no preschool/nanny tend to have kids with worse vocabulary. They are spread too thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

Your children’s care is still your responsibility with a nanny, PP. Having a nanny just lets you give each child quality care and attention. My BFF has a great nanny for her 3 and 1 year old and is still with her kids 24/7. But the nanny can take the older child to a playdate while she stays home with the little one. She’s still breast feeding her baby and her kids get fresh, home cooked meals every day. He three-year-old is on the cusp of reading thanks to the nanny and mom having the time to read for hours to him.

Honestly, I would hire a nanny in a heartbeat if we could afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The best mothers I have ever known were SAHMs with nannies. They are all relaxed, love being with their kids, have friends, passions, are interesting, and lives outside the house, and have really bright, secure kids.

No, I absolutely wouldn’t judge you negatively at all. I work from home on a flexible schedule with a brilliant, educated nanny and my kids are thriving and happy. Our nanny has a skill set neither DH nor I possess.

If you have a full-time nanny you are not really a real SAHM or spending much time with your kids. Big difference form you working and someone not working.

I wasn’t talking about myself when I said that the best mothers I know are SAHMs with nannies. I only mentioned my own nanny in terms of what she brings to my kids that I can’t. My SAHM friend’s with nannies are the same. Their nannies, like mine, can teach a myriad of things we can’t.

[Anonymous]

I would envy you, OP, and think that you’re smart. I know I would be a much better mother to my kids if I had fulltime help. I could be the mother I always dreamed I would be. With three kids under six, it just isn’t possible alone.

[Anonymous]

A SAHM with a nanny means you can take the older children to activities without dragging the baby along who would be happier at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you


I live in Greenwich, CT …two-thirds of the kids my child goes to preschool with are SAHMs with nannies. I am free rirbds with them and don’t judge (I am WFH full time with a nanny). People who are angry at you for your situation /intimidated probably aren’t worth being friends with.

Good luck!
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

Not poor. Just not lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

Not poor. Just not lazy.

A SAHM at a playground with two children while her third is home napping with a nanny is not any lazier than a SAHM of one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

Not poor. Just not lazy.

A SAHM at a playground with two children while her third is home napping with a nanny is not any lazier than a SAHM of one.

+1 OP has THREE children and one of them is a baby and the other is a toddler. That is hard work that deserves help. It’s not like she has one child and is leaving it with a nanny while she goes to the spa all day.

[Anonymous]

Go with an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go with an au pair.

Not OP but I personally would never want a live in.