Questions for sahm moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg are you kidding me? Don’t work if you can stay home with your kids AND have a nanny if that’s what you want to do and it makes for your family JUST DO IT.

Seriously. This sounds amazing. Your life will have some balance with the ability to have personal time. You’ll be more present for your children.

+1000

So true that you’ll be more present for your kids and you’ll just enjoy them more. I don’t know any SAHMs with a nanny but I know many who drop the kids off at grandmas house a few times a week and they seem so much happier than those of us who are trying to slog it out alone. People will judge you but, as I’m sure you know, people will judge you for literally everything you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM to three kids and honestly I’m not super interested in finding “mom friends”. I have a circle of friends from before I had kids, some are parents and some are childless, but I prefer to socialize without my kids! I love my kids but I’m with them all day, I don’t want to spend my super minimal free time around them or discussing them. I do try to volunteer when I can at school and be friendly with the parents at my kids’ classes. I’d probably eye-roll but also be envious if I met a SAHM with a nanny.

Are your kids not little anymore? I’d have a play date with almost anyone just to have an adult to talk to and a playmate for my 3yo that isn’t me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

[Anonymous]

This is very common in nyc. I’m a SAHm without a nanny here and I feel like one of the poors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

No advice but just appreciation.

Raising a human being is a tough job. Raising 3 is a job as hard and on par with as any hardworking silicon valley entrepreneur. I would argue you are bringing a lot more value to the world as any business or philanthropic person.

- A dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

No advice but just appreciation.

Raising a human being is a tough job. Raising 3 is a job as hard and on par with as any hardworking silicon valley entrepreneur. I would argue you are bringing a lot more value to the world as any business or philanthropic person.

- A dad

Funnily my job that fell apart is a c-level role of a Silicon Valley start up! The nice thing about working is that you can always look forward to the other time when the job or the kids are miserable (during the week look forward to the weekend / during the weekend look forward to Monday). It’s all painful but at least you get different types of pain 😂

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with hiring a nanny if you can afford one. I know many Moms out there that would envy you being able to do that. A lot of SAHM's have parents that live close by and help out with their grandchildren. So, not having that option can be really difficult. It's a total blessing being a SAHM. They grow up so fast and being able to be there to see them learn and grow and nurture them is wonderful. There are many Moms groups out there. I was also a SAHM and I joined mops.org which is a worldwide support organization for Moms with children from birth all the way up through high school. I believe they break down their groups according to children's age ranges. I also joined a bible believing church where I and my daughter made lifetime friends. It is really important to be able to bond with other Moms in person in the same stage of life you are in. Praying you can find the perfect group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

No advice but just appreciation.

Raising a human being is a tough job. Raising 3 is a job as hard and on par with as any hardworking silicon valley entrepreneur. I would argue you are bringing a lot more value to the world as any business or philanthropic person.

- A dad

Its not hard with two involved parents. You should try as a Dad to be ore involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

I know you’re being snarky and not interested in a good faith conversation, but I actually think it does these kids a disservice when we don’t allow them to be cared for by anybody but their parents. Yes they need attachment to a caregiver but relationships with extended family and nannies and even daycare providers can be really valuable for them as well. Plus it’s always bad for kids to be depending solely on two haggard parents to take care of them.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM of 3. I have a bigger gap so my older 2 kids were already in school when I had my 3rd. I had a housekeeper/nanny. She cleaned, cooked and watched the baby when I drove the big kids to activities. I had plenty of friends.

Now I have a preschooler, elementary and middle schooler. We got rid of our help during Covid. I have a housecleaner but no childcare. Kids are older so I don’t need help.

Most people in your position will put 2 kids in preschool and have just the baby at home.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and know several others with nannies. I don’t think you’ll have problems making friends unless you brag about it.

I make friends with neighbors and thru various kids classes. Your older two can go to preschool a couple days a week, mine are in a co-op, so parents are very involved and there’s a great community. But you may have to be the one to initiate get togethers with people however you meet them. I don’t mean couples nights out the first time you meet, but suggesting going to a playground when there’s a day off for whatever. Then have their family over for a brunch play date some weekend.

As for not losing myself…no help there. I figure this stage in life is short and I’ll have more time for myself later.

[Anonymous]

The best mothers I have ever known were SAHMs with nannies. They are all relaxed, love being with their kids, have friends, passions, are interesting, and lives outside the house, and have really bright, secure kids.

No, I absolutely wouldn’t judge you negatively at all. I work from home on a flexible schedule with a brilliant, educated nanny and my kids are thriving and happy. Our nanny has a skill set neither DH nor I possess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cannot comprehend being a SAHM and having a nanny.

Sorry you’re poor I guess?

NP. We aren't poor but I chose to bring children into this world and their care is my responsibility not a stranger. Maybe this poster feels the same.

I know you’re being snarky and not interested in a good faith conversation, but I actually think it does these kids a disservice when we don’t allow them to be cared for by anybody but their parents. Yes they need attachment to a caregiver but relationships with extended family and nannies and even daycare providers can be really valuable for them as well. Plus it’s always bad for kids to be depending solely on two haggard parents to take care of them.

Why? My kids have never had a nanny or babysitter, just preschool and they are fine. We also didn't have family to help. We enjoyed being with them and found alternatives to do dates, such as lunches. We have a very strong bond with our kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and while I don’t know too many SAHM with nannies (they usually work part time if that’s the case), I wouldn’t think anything of a SAHM with a nanny for 3 kids 4 and under! That’s a lot for anyone to handle. It sounds like a good situation to me honestly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best mothers I have ever known were SAHMs with nannies. They are all relaxed, love being with their kids, have friends, passions, are interesting, and lives outside the house, and have really bright, secure kids.

No, I absolutely wouldn’t judge you negatively at all. I work from home on a flexible schedule with a brilliant, educated nanny and my kids are thriving and happy. Our nanny has a skill set neither DH nor I possess.

If you have a full-time nanny you are not really a real SAHM or spending much time with your kids. Big difference form you working and someone not working.