Questions for sahm moms

[Anonymous]

It’s really common to have a nanny as a SAHM to 2+ kids in the nicer parts of DC. No one will think twice about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM with a nanny means you can take the older children to activities without dragging the baby along who would be happier at home.

Exactly. I didn’t need a nanny with just one (easy) baby but I hired one after I had #2 and increased her hours to full time after #3. It was nice because you can take the older kids out for fun activities or classes without disturbing the baby’s nap schedule, which we all know is so important for nighttime sleep.

My third was well over a year old before I took all three kids out by myself.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 kids, and my job has kind of imploded during covid. I get where you are coming from.

Personally, I don't think you need the nanny. A 4 yo should be in preschool for at least part of the day -- he/she is going to be in kindergarten next year and it is important to get them used to being in a classroom outside of your house. Unless you already have a nanny, it seems like a lot of hassle, and I would just focus on getting your eldest into preschool. You can make friends through the preschool then too. You're basically going to be working really closely with the nanny, so make sure you like him/her if you do get one.

Next year your two year old will be old enough for preschool too and your eldest will be in k. At that point, you really don't need a nanny. The whole nanny thing is really just for the next year, after that its just you and one kid home.

I think another poster said this, but remember your kids are young for such a short time. I have a three year old, and my eldest is twelve. I remember wishing for the next thing all the time with my eldest, and with my youngest, I keep wishing to just freeze time. I didn't appreciate how short the time they really need and want you around all the time was with my older kids, so really enjoy being with them because before you know it they will be rolling their eyes and glued to their phones. Do what is best for you.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM and have a full time nanny for two kids (3 and 1). It gives me time to spend with each child individually and give them needed attention. I am pretty much side-by-Side with Nanny all day except for when I’m going to the gym or cooking/shopping (trained chef by trade). My three-year-old is reading and speaks French thanks to the nanny! She was a pre-schoolteacher, so like the other PP wrote, she has a skill set I don’t have. I’m also still nursin my one year old.

I couldn’t possibly care any less what other people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

No advice but just appreciation.

Raising a human being is a tough job. Raising 3 is a job as hard and on par with as any hardworking silicon valley entrepreneur. I would argue you are bringing a lot more value to the world as any business or philanthropic person.

- A dad

Its not hard with two involved parents. You should try as a Dad to be ore involved.

Amen.

I am a stay at home dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 4yo, 2yo and 2mo and my job has kind of fallen apart while I’m out on maternity leave. I’m debating staying home for a few years vs diving into the next thing. My husband works long and unpredictable hours and I 100% know I’m not cut out for managing all 3 kids on my own from 6am - 830pm (plus overnight wake ups every days) so if I stay home it’d be with a nanny. Id still be spending basically all day with my kid’s (other than maybe working out or a grocery run or whatever on my own) but from like 830-530 the nanny and I could tag team the kids so everyone’s needs and schedules can be met and the older ones can do fun things and the baby can nap at home and it’s not horribly stressful trying to get all 3 somewhere myself (my 2yo is wild so he takes a lot of physical management which is hard with a baby that needs to be fed and things in tow).

So 1) would you be friends with me / a sahm with a nanny?
2) how do I make friends? I’m hopeful that when my oldest is in K that would help, but we don’t currently have a school that’s a community. It’d be weird to join a baby group as a 3x mom. Our playground is an option but beyond that how can I find other sahm with similar age kids
3) when you’re doing 14+ hours of childcare 7 days a week…how do you not lose yourself? On maternity leave I feel like I just kind of float around invisible to anyone but my kids…I don’t talk to other adults really, I just exist talking endlessly to people under 5 and smelling like spit up. I hope that if I make friends that’ll help, but other tips?

And to spare posters that want to just criticize and not help, I’ll get it out of the way for you
-Omg why’d you have 3 kids if you find taking care of them so hard
- omg how lazy are you that you don’t want to work and need a nanny
- omg why’d you have kids with someone that doesn’t have time for them
- omg you missed have missed the first 4 years of your other kids lives, do they even know you
- omg what example will you be setting for your kids as a sahm

For the record I have yet to meet any mom of little kids that isn’t working her ass off 7 days a week to raise good kids, and that work can take many different forms

No advice but just appreciation.

Raising a human being is a tough job. Raising 3 is a job as hard and on par with as any hardworking silicon valley entrepreneur. I would argue you are bringing a lot more value to the world as any business or philanthropic person.

- A dad

Its not hard with two involved parents. You should try as a Dad to be ore involved.

Amen.

I am a stay at home dad.

To add perspective. I had a full time high paying career for 19 years before that. So I know both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM with a nanny means you can take the older children to activities without dragging the baby along who would be happier at home.

Exactly. I didn’t need a nanny with just one (easy) baby but I hired one after I had #2 and increased her hours to full time after #3. It was nice because you can take the older kids out for fun activities or classes without disturbing the baby’s nap schedule, which we all know is so important for nighttime sleep.

My third was well over a year old before I took all three kids out by myself.

Congratulations! Too bad the Nobel prize doesn't give a prize for
women who can take care of three children only because she had a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A SAHM with a nanny means you can take the older children to activities without dragging the baby along who would be happier at home.

Exactly. I didn’t need a nanny with just one (easy) baby but I hired one after I had #2 and increased her hours to full time after #3. It was nice because you can take the older kids out for fun activities or classes without disturbing the baby’s nap schedule, which we all know is so important for nighttime sleep.

My third was well over a year old before I took all three kids out by myself.

Congratulations! Too bad the Nobel prize doesn't give a prize for
women who can take care of three children only because she had a nanny.

I agree with the PP above. I’m a big advocate of sleep. Nothing wrong with creating an environment that is optimal for your baby. They are babies for Christ sake.

[Anonymous]

I'm a PP who's hiring a part-time nanny when we have baby #3. It's interesting people keep talking about hiring the nanny FOR THE BABY so you can do activities with the older two.

I'm actually hiring an afternoon nanny (3-4 hrs) to supervise the older kids so I can hopefully lay down and take a nap with the baby and maybe wear the baby and get a start on dinner. It's nice to have alone time with the baby, too.

[Anonymous]

The only issue is a lot of good nannies wouldn’t want to work doe SAHMs out of a fear of being micromanaged. It would be easier if you already had a nanny that you have a good relationship with. Also, some nannies might resent a SAHM who spends a lot of time basically living a life of leisure. Of course if the SAHM is working hard too, there’s probably less potential for resentment. There was a case in NYC where the nanny resented the SAHM and killed her kids

[Anonymous]

I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

So weird. My first thought is that I wouldn’t want to be friends with people like you who isn’t smart enough to know what it means to be “into your kids.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only want to be mom friends with moms who are into their kids. So no I would not be friends with a sahm who had a nanny.

You’re too stupid to be friends with, PP. SAHMs with nannies are generally very into their children or else they wouldn’t spend the money. They’d just suck at it like you.

If PP is stupid then you are as well. Having a nanny or not having a nanny is usually a function of your finances, not of how much you love your children.

[Anonymous]

My kids are teens - get a nanny and preschool for your older kid and go back to work. Work for the next couple of years and when your child is in first grade then plan to quit.

What no one tells you - the early years are essentially caretaking and pretty much any nice, caring person can fill that role. When it matters for you to be around is starting at school age. That’s when the actual parenting begins and the intensity of care taking begins to ebb.