My partner humiliated me (us) in IEP meeting...how to repair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any staff would gossip, it's about the parent who berated support staff, not the spouse apologizing. And can we stop erasing the fact that OP is a mother herself? I'm not into everyone automatically assuming she's a man and dismissing her because she wants to be decent to her child's teachers.

I think that's the point - the suggestion that OP should aggrandize themselves as the "stable" parent is just fueling gossip against the other parent. regardless of OP's own gender, the "crazy mom" is absolutely a sexist trope that OP would be perpetuating.

It's not a trope though. Berating the OT to the point of near tears for no reason IS crazy mom behavior, I'm sorry. It absolutely does impact communications with the school if the staff think a parent is not capable of speaking respectfully to them. A quick email apologizing for tensions running high would go a long way towards repairing what seems like an otherwise great relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any staff would gossip, it's about the parent who berated support staff, not the spouse apologizing. And can we stop erasing the fact that OP is a mother herself? I'm not into everyone automatically assuming she's a man and dismissing her because she wants to be decent to her child's teachers.

I think that's the point - the suggestion that OP should aggrandize themselves as the "stable" parent is just fueling gossip against the other parent. regardless of OP's own gender, the "crazy mom" is absolutely a sexist trope that OP would be perpetuating.

It's not a trope though. Berating the OT to the point of near tears for no reason IS crazy mom behavior, I'm sorry. It absolutely does impact communications with the school if the staff think a parent is not capable of speaking respectfully to them. A quick email apologizing for tensions running high would go a long way towards repairing what seems like an otherwise great relationship.

Not necessarily. Tears are often used (unconsciously or consciously) to deflect warranted criticism. I really don’t think we have enough info to tell whether or not the mom was out of line.

[Anonymous]

Let me pop in here as a former teacher. Accepting verbal abuse is not part of our job description and it is not a normal or expected part of the IEP process. I would send that email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any staff would gossip, it's about the parent who berated support staff, not the spouse apologizing. And can we stop erasing the fact that OP is a mother herself? I'm not into everyone automatically assuming she's a man and dismissing her because she wants to be decent to her child's teachers.

I think that's the point - the suggestion that OP should aggrandize themselves as the "stable" parent is just fueling gossip against the other parent. regardless of OP's own gender, the "crazy mom" is absolutely a sexist trope that OP would be perpetuating.

It's not a trope though. Berating the OT to the point of near tears for no reason IS crazy mom behavior, I'm sorry. It absolutely does impact communications with the school if the staff think a parent is not capable of speaking respectfully to them. A quick email apologizing for tensions running high would go a long way towards repairing what seems like an otherwise great relationship.

Not necessarily. Tears are often used (unconsciously or consciously) to deflect warranted criticism. I really don’t think we have enough info to tell whether or not the mom was out of line.

What warranted criticism would an Occupational Therapist cry to get out of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me pop in here as a former teacher. Accepting verbal abuse is not part of our job description and it is not a normal or expected part of the IEP process. I would send that email.

Who knows if she was verbally abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

And her approach may or may not garner results with this school.

[Anonymous]

I would look into an advocate with prior MCPS teaching experience in this case. I know some were mentioned in the recent advocacy threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me pop in here as a former teacher. Accepting verbal abuse is not part of our job description and it is not a normal or expected part of the IEP process. I would send that email.

You can pop right back out. It's unclear what OP's wife actually said; and not all criticism or emotional reaction is "verbal abuse." And for that matter -- an IEP meeting is not an even playing field, emotionally. Parents (particularly mothers who are typically more involved in the details) are there with all the weight of parenting a child with serious difficulties; and the IEP meeting is often a culmination of all the worries that go into that. For the life of me, I can't figure out why schools don't understand that it is actually part of their job to deal with angry/upset/in-denial parents. In the IEP forum, there should be no "everyone must be be nice to the teachers!" mentality. It's an IEP meeting, not Teacher Appreciation Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any staff would gossip, it's about the parent who berated support staff, not the spouse apologizing. And can we stop erasing the fact that OP is a mother herself? I'm not into everyone automatically assuming she's a man and dismissing her because she wants to be decent to her child's teachers.

I think that's the point - the suggestion that OP should aggrandize themselves as the "stable" parent is just fueling gossip against the other parent. regardless of OP's own gender, the "crazy mom" is absolutely a sexist trope that OP would be perpetuating.

It's not a trope though. Berating the OT to the point of near tears for no reason IS crazy mom behavior, I'm sorry. It absolutely does impact communications with the school if the staff think a parent is not capable of speaking respectfully to them. A quick email apologizing for tensions running high would go a long way towards repairing what seems like an otherwise great relationship.

Why should parents apologize for tensions, unless they are scraping and groveling to get the school to do what's right? Of course tensions run high. Short of criminal threats, no mother should be made to apologize for getting emotional in an IEP meeting. Come on. How about if the school gave the mother a nice call to acknowledge how difficult it must be for her, and take the initiative to show they support her. Of course that will never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look into an advocate with prior MCPS teaching experience in this case. I know some were mentioned in the recent advocacy threads.

yes. an advocate with prior teaching experience is good at working with teams and understanding both sides. not all advocates are effective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look into an advocate with prior MCPS teaching experience in this case. I know some were mentioned in the recent advocacy threads.

yes. an advocate with prior teaching experience is good at working with teams and understanding both sides. not all advocates are effective.

Any names come to mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If any staff would gossip, it's about the parent who berated support staff, not the spouse apologizing. And can we stop erasing the fact that OP is a mother herself? I'm not into everyone automatically assuming she's a man and dismissing her because she wants to be decent to her child's teachers.

I think that's the point - the suggestion that OP should aggrandize themselves as the "stable" parent is just fueling gossip against the other parent. regardless of OP's own gender, the "crazy mom" is absolutely a sexist trope that OP would be perpetuating.

It's not a trope though. Berating the OT to the point of near tears for no reason IS crazy mom behavior, I'm sorry. It absolutely does impact communications with the school if the staff think a parent is not capable of speaking respectfully to them. A quick email apologizing for tensions running high would go a long way towards repairing what seems like an otherwise great relationship.

Not necessarily. Tears are often used (unconsciously or consciously) to deflect warranted criticism. I really don’t think we have enough info to tell whether or not the mom was out of line.

What warranted criticism would an Occupational Therapist cry to get out of?

…aside from not doing her job well?

Nothing I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look into an advocate with prior MCPS teaching experience in this case. I know some were mentioned in the recent advocacy threads.

yes. an advocate with prior teaching experience is good at working with teams and understanding both sides. not all advocates are effective.

Any names come to mind?

From looking at the prior threads linked, it appears that Suzie Blattner's group employs multiple current MCPS Special Education teachers, Rich Weinfeld has several retired MCPS teachers on staff as well as teachers from neighboring counties, and Liz Capone is a former MCPS teacher who has also taught in other counties. Practices with just MCPS experience may be more specialized, while ones with experience in multiple counties may have better knowledge of additional placements. I'll post more details below to avoid a wall of text.

[Anonymous]

Suzie has Lina Sturges, who was at Ivymount for 25 years. She taught in the lower, middle, and high school programs, was the middle school director for 6 years, and the middle and lower school director for 1. She's been teaching inclusion, self contained, and resource middle school classes at MCPS for the last 7 years. (Very impressive!)

Judy Cromwell worked at the Katherine Thomas School for 12 years, where she taught elementary and middle school. She was also the student support specialist and summer school coordinator. She also does inclusion, self contained, and resource middle school classes at a public school now. Suzie's practice seems like the way to go if you're thinking about going private.