My partner humiliated me (us) in IEP meeting...how to repair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

Maybe because we are understaffed, unappreciated, and underfunded.

Thanks for helping with all 3!

And it’s getting worse because special Ed teachers are now quitting at an alarming rate and there are no candidates to replace them. This thread is ridiculous, it’s as if the two choices are scream at the IEP team or “walk on eggshells” around them. There is absolutely a way to advocate for your child without berating the teachers. Act like adults!!

It would be great to actually collaborate with the school’s members of the IEP team, but some of them simply aren’t interesting in listening to parents at all. And while it is called a “team,” there’s a huge power imbalance between the the school staff and the parents.

I kind of get your point, but it doesn’t really address the fact that there really are some bad apples out there. What should parents do with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

Maybe because we are understaffed, unappreciated, and underfunded.

Thanks for helping with all 3!

And it’s getting worse because special Ed teachers are now quitting at an alarming rate and there are no candidates to replace them. This thread is ridiculous, it’s as if the two choices are scream at the IEP team or “walk on eggshells” around them. There is absolutely a way to advocate for your child without berating the teachers. Act like adults!!

It would be great to actually collaborate with the school’s members of the IEP team, but some of them simply aren’t interesting in listening to parents at all. And while it is called a “team,” there’s a huge power imbalance between the the school staff and the parents.

I kind of get your point, but it doesn’t really address the fact that there really are some bad apples out there. What should parents do with them?

Let’s not ignore the dynamics and stakes of the meetings. On one side, we have parents, often devastated, who are realizing that the school will not and cannot help them, and are forced to confront a huge list of their child’s challenges in public in a meeting. They are often emotional and overwhelmed even if they try not to be. On the other side, we have a team, often 10 people, who often come in and are bored, talking amongst themselves, and ready to list all the child’s failings in painful detail. Often they “team up”. It’s not a great power balance and it’s often difficult for the family. It’s part of the job for the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

Maybe because we are understaffed, unappreciated, and underfunded.

Thanks for helping with all 3!

And it’s getting worse because special Ed teachers are now quitting at an alarming rate and there are no candidates to replace them. This thread is ridiculous, it’s as if the two choices are scream at the IEP team or “walk on eggshells” around them. There is absolutely a way to advocate for your child without berating the teachers. Act like adults!!

It would be great to actually collaborate with the school’s members of the IEP team, but some of them simply aren’t interesting in listening to parents at all. And while it is called a “team,” there’s a huge power imbalance between the the school staff and the parents.

I kind of get your point, but it doesn’t really address the fact that there really are some bad apples out there. What should parents do with them?

That’s the unfortunate thing about special education, sometimes you do have a team of experts who aren’t actually experts or dislike you/your child.
As a teacher this makes me mad but when you get the ‘bad apples’ you need to have an advocate present and request weekly or bi-weekly check ins on progress and any updates, get it written into the IEP for each goal.

And honestly even with the sped team who sucks, I still feel for them. I am so understaffed right now and stressed, then when a parent starts asking for all the things I am like ‘how?’

Legally we must follow the IEP what what do you suggest staff do if the district does not provide the things required to implement it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't do IEP meeting with my DH because he on the spectrum

Same. He sugarcoats and denies all symptoms so undermines everything to the opposite of what Op claims was going on (mom pushing for things).

Here I fear OP was the one behind and not up to speed. You HAVE to advocate at these mtgs. If you’re not going to pay for a lawyer to.

Not buying it Mr Nice Guy Op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Ugh. I would be furious, OP.

It's completely unprofessional to use terms incorrectly, and in these kinds of situations, parents who behave like professionals are more likely to get what they want. I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but as a research scientist in biology, it's second nature for me to understand and use all the necessary medical terms comfortably. For laymen parents, it doesn't take much effort either. I assume your wife was very nervous. Next time she should either rehearse with you beforehand or let you attend the meetings by yourself. Don't let her sabotage the entire enterprise - the stakes are too high.

I’d like her version of what happened and the SpEd people’s.

[Anonymous]

I feel like "humiliated" is a weird reaction to what s/he then described. Feels more about the relationship than the meeting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

PP did not say daily communication is an automatic requirement in a IEP; the PP just indicated that it could be and I don’t see why that would be untrue (even if I personally haven’t seen it).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

PP did not say daily communication is an automatic requirement in a IEP; the PP just indicated that it could be and I don’t see why that would be untrue (even if I personally haven’t seen it).

“Can and absolutely do require daily communication”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just roll with it, good cop/bad cop style. Keep it in your back pocket for next time you need it.

this. schools try to weasel their way out of providing services. but yours knows your wife means business

Maybe because we are understaffed, unappreciated, and underfunded.

Thanks for helping with all 3!

And it’s getting worse because special Ed teachers are now quitting at an alarming rate and there are no candidates to replace them. This thread is ridiculous, it’s as if the two choices are scream at the IEP team or “walk on eggshells” around them. There is absolutely a way to advocate for your child without berating the teachers. Act like adults!!

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

PP did not say daily communication is an automatic requirement in a IEP; the PP just indicated that it could be and I don’t see why that would be untrue (even if I personally haven’t seen it).

“Can and absolutely do require daily communication”

That phrase does not necessarily mean “always”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

Did I say it was a default? No, I did not. But a good BIP should include daily home-school notes. So yeah tell me without telling me that you/your IEP team draft crap BIPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

PP did not say daily communication is an automatic requirement in a IEP; the PP just indicated that it could be and I don’t see why that would be untrue (even if I personally haven’t seen it).

“Can and absolutely do require daily communication”

That phrase does not necessarily mean “always”

special ed teachers = not the brightest bulbs. that said they are my kid’s teachers and absolutely have many skills I don’t have. but precise language, drafting agreeements, editing complex documents, following detailed regulatory requirements - all call for a certain kind of intelligence not always found in elementary schools TBH. that’s why parents do have to keep extremely close tabs on the process and sometimes, yes, speak loudly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry for being annoying and derailing the thread. I'm team wife btw. If you can't handle a fussy parent you aren't cut out for teaching!

And, this is why we have a teacher shortage.

I'm not going to tell you where you can take your snark, but please know it is not welcomed here.

Not pp, but it’s true. Especially in sped and especially in self contained.

Parent being rude to me will not make a difference in how I treat the child but it will make a difference in how I communicate with you, you’ll get the bare minimum and the response will be in 24 hours instead of within the hour that I’d do for other parents.

I already have plenty of idiots at central not funding special education to deal with, I don’t need crazy and disrespectful parents too.

However someone like OP mentioned, I’d likely write it off as stress, unless that was her demeanor in every instance.

I'm sorry, I'm not going to hold back being forceful and asking for what my kid deserves because I am walking on eggshells around teachers. And that includes when you're required to communicate promptly, as outlined in the IEP/BIP.

Actually I am sorry, I never said walk on eggshells, I implied you should RESPECT me, as a human being first and foremost but next as the expert. I love it when parents advocate, I have encouraged some to get an advocate because I could not get what we needed for their child alone.

Ps. BIPs are behavior plans and generally say nothing about communication nor do IEPs lol. Getting back to you a whole day later is 100% legal and I’m not sure what silly teacher would put in the BIP ‘must reply back to parent within the day when parent sends an email’
Gosh what a nightmare parent you must be, I’m am so thankful my parents know that I am part of their child’s team and I’m here to do right by their child.

thanks for showing your ignorance and lack of understanding! IEPs and BIPs can and do absolutely require daily communication with parents.

No ma’am, daily communication is not an automatic requirement. If a parent asks for an update you have to get back to them but no teacher is required to sent you an update on the BIP or IEP everyday by default.

Also love how you focused on trying desperately to be right, you have a complex don’t you…

PP did not say daily communication is an automatic requirement in a IEP; the PP just indicated that it could be and I don’t see why that would be untrue (even if I personally haven’t seen it).

“Can and absolutely do require daily communication”

That phrase does not necessarily mean “always”

special ed teachers = not the brightest bulbs. that said they are my kid’s teachers and absolutely have many skills I don’t have. but precise language, drafting agreeements, editing complex documents, following detailed regulatory requirements - all call for a certain kind of intelligence not always found in elementary schools TBH. that’s why parents do have to keep extremely close tabs on the process and sometimes, yes, speak loudly.

I interpreted it as such.
Also a more precise sentence might have been ‘they can require daily communication’ but pop off.

And regardless if you think I am dumb, saying all sped teachers are unintelligent is disgusting of you. I sincerely hope you home school.

And nope, parents are still not experts. Tell me how to find the function of a behavior and then YOU create a plan. Ungrateful trash, this is why we have a sped staff shortage all around.
Again I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have parents who think they are entitled to anything they want, not need. I’m not going to update you every day, every week yes but I have other students not just yours.

Your child likely needed a BIP because of you.