Boyfriend still supporting ex-wife

[Anonymous]

I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Also, of course he would expect to use your combined income to live if you get married.

[Anonymous]

OP here, yes I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

Find a guy without the baggage. Seriously you are marrying his ex and the kids. If you are not cool with that move on down the road. Do not break up whats left of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

He sounds like a decent person.

[Anonymous]

Da fuq

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way, when you guys get divorced he’ll help you out too.

[Anonymous]

I don't know why he would be asking you for money, but he sounds like a very decent father. Why in the world would you not be supportive of that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

Why will child support end soon? Are the kids in high school?

"He often pays for outside activities." <-- so, he is a good dad and a decent human being then. Admirable!

"he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college." <-- he's going to help pay for his kids to go to college? Disgusting! He's worse than Hitler!

"She will not get a better job." <-- you know this is "will not" versus "cannot"? How old is she and how much education does she have?

"If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live." <-- What did you expect? You thought you were going to live off his money alone?

Frankly, your post does not make you sound very good. Your boyfriend sounds like a fine man who would be better off without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

It is entirely possible to have an agreement regarding support that is not court-ordered. If it is occurring on a schedule (e.g., child support + $500/mo for mortgage) that is pretty normal, actually. My ex is also required by our agreement to pay for our daughter's extracurricular activities and out of pocket medical expenses.

If you would like to address this situation graciously, you can ask him about the structure and terms of the agreement. Leave out your obvious issues with his ex-wife's employment situation. If you are this concerned about this, it sounds like you probably shouldn't marry him, tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

Why will child support end soon? Are the kids in high school?

"He often pays for outside activities." <-- so, he is a good dad and a decent human being then. Admirable!

"he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college." <-- he's going to help pay for his kids to go to college? Disgusting! He's worse than Hitler!

"She will not get a better job." <-- you know this is "will not" versus "cannot"? How old is she and how much education does she have?

"If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live." <-- What did you expect? You thought you were going to live off his money alone?

Frankly, your post does not make you sound very good. Your boyfriend sounds like a fine man who would be better off without you.

Yes, the kids are in high school. He currently supplements the mortgage heavily. Unfortunately, this limits his contribution to a new (our) household. He has not indicated that she will move once the kids are out of the house.

[Anonymous]

You won't like this answer but IMO it shows that he is a good guy.

He cares about the welfare of his kid, which means making sure the kid's mom is ok.

I would leave it alone. It won't make you look good in his eyes to criticize how he spends his money.

[Anonymous]

Don't marry him if this bothers you too much. Just stay bf/gf and keep your finances as separate as possible.

[Anonymous]

He’s not the guy for you. That’s not an indictment of either of you.