Boyfriend still supporting ex-wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why he would be asking you for money, but he sounds like a very decent father. Why in the world would you not be supportive of that?

Because the income is funneled towards his children with Ex, therefore OP's kids get less. My DH did the same thing (he has no child support...kid lives with us) and I've told him to use his own funds/paycheck for step-DC's activities. I still pitch in fairly as far as groceries, gas, incidentals, give step-DC spending $$$, and take DC to activities....and pay the bills I am responsible for out of my paycheck. Screw the joint account.

If the kids live with you, its a bit of a different situation than him paying child support, activities, clothing for your house, etc. and paying the ex wife mortgage as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. BF has asked for money for substantial expenses. I have turned him down but loaned in other cases.The money is not for vacations.

This is a bad sign. I would not marry him, nor would I give him any more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op—I faced a similar situation. DHs ex wife did not work at all. She was a SAHM till the youngest graduated HS. She now works and makes enough to live on but DH still pays the mortgage on her house.

I knew this going in. It was ok with me. I supported our household for many years. He has 2 kids from his first marriage and 2 from ours.

We all get along very well. The kids get along and there is no resentment between them that the little kids get xyz because I work and their mom did not. We treat all 4 kids fairly. And yes, sometimes a little kid has to give up something for a big kid—but that’s true in any family.

DH and I have been together for 20 yrs. His 2nd child was 5 when we started dating. Two are now out of college and we still help them out. We are helping the oldest with the down payment on his house. Our oldest daughters wedding is next summer and we are paying for that. And even though we are paying for it, her bio mom is fully involved and I take the back seat. I bore 2 children but I have 4 and I work to support all 4.

If you’re in this for the long haul, a few years or even a lot of years of helping the ex-wife out is no big deal. It creates harmony within the family structure.

You sound like a very lovely, well grounded person.

+1. You guys sound like a very great family and all the kids are very lucky.

I will say it might be a different situation for OP though if her boyfriend’s kids were already teenagers when they started dating and if they don’t plan to have children together. OP has to decide if she is willing/comfortable taking on financial obligations for his children and by extension his ex-wife given that the kids won’t be the sister/brother of any of her children (I assume). If that’s a dealbreaker than either they break up or they stay together within the boundaries that make keeping finances separate a possible assuming he could live with that.