Boyfriend still supporting ex-wife

[Anonymous]

But but but my blowjobs aren't supposed to be free! That is MY money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years is still supporting his ex- wife. The support is not court ordered. He pays child support and supplements the mortgage on the home they had together. He often pays for outside activities. The child support will end soon.

I make significantly more than him and hr has asked for money in the past. I didn't mind sharing to an extent but when I found out that he is still supporting her, I was shocked. She will not get a better job. I am afraid that he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college. If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live.

Why will child support end soon? Are the kids in high school?

"He often pays for outside activities." <-- so, he is a good dad and a decent human being then. Admirable!

"he will continue to justify doing this when the kids are in college." <-- he's going to help pay for his kids to go to college? Disgusting! He's worse than Hitler!

"She will not get a better job." <-- you know this is "will not" versus "cannot"? How old is she and how much education does she have?

"If we get married, I am also afraid he will use our combined income to live." <-- What did you expect? You thought you were going to live off his money alone?

Frankly, your post does not make you sound very good. Your boyfriend sounds like a fine man who would be better off without you.

Yes, the kids are in high school. He currently supplements the mortgage heavily. Unfortunately, this limits his contribution to a new (our) household. He has not indicated that she will move once the kids are out of the house.

If he is the guy that you describe, he will pay/support his kids through college like any DECENT parent would. I'm sure you're not going to cut your kids off at 18 so why should he? Either find someone without kids to date/marry or suck it up.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am not advocating that he not pay for college. Once this expense starts, he will not be able to afford his current apartment and the mortgage supplementation.

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely have an issue with him subsidizing her mortgage - the house is in her name only yes? - when his kids are out of the house! There is no need for that and she needs to downsize if she can’t afford the mortgage on her own. Paying for them to go to college is a different story and what a decent man would do. But these are two separate things and I think PPs aren’t reading carefully or comprehending fully.

Also, if he lied to you about this it is an issue. I think this is probably not the man for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have an issue with him subsidizing her mortgage - the house is in her name only yes? - when his kids are out of the house! There is no need for that and she needs to downsize if she can’t afford the mortgage on her own. Paying for them to go to college is a different story and what a decent man would do. But these are two separate things and I think PPs aren’t reading carefully or comprehending fully.

Also, if he lied to you about this it is an issue. I think this is probably not the man for you.

Perhaps he wants HIS kids to live in a decent house/area. God, women can be so selfish and stupid sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here. I am not advocating that he not pay for college. Once this expense starts, he will not be able to afford his current apartment and the mortgage supplementation.

Interesting that you bash his ex for not getting a better job but don't bash your bf for not having enough money not to be able to afford his expenses without asking you for money.

[Anonymous]

He’ll probably stop supplementing her living expenses when the kids go to college. It’s not uncommon for the custodial parent to stay in the marital home until the kids graduate high school, to keep disruptions to a minimum.

But he should live within his means regardless, and he shouldn’t be borrowing money from you.

[Anonymous]

He can do whatever he wants for his ex and kids, but OP should not have to subsidize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have an issue with him subsidizing her mortgage - the house is in her name only yes? - when his kids are out of the house! There is no need for that and she needs to downsize if she can’t afford the mortgage on her own. Paying for them to go to college is a different story and what a decent man would do. But these are two separate things and I think PPs aren’t reading carefully or comprehending fully.

Also, if he lied to you about this it is an issue. I think this is probably not the man for you.

Perhaps he wants HIS kids to live in a decent house/area. God, women can be so selfish and stupid sometimes.

I said “when the kids are out of the house” above. His kids will, presumably, be living at college and not with the ex.

Does anyone bother to read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have an issue with him subsidizing her mortgage - the house is in her name only yes? - when his kids are out of the house! There is no need for that and she needs to downsize if she can’t afford the mortgage on her own. Paying for them to go to college is a different story and what a decent man would do. But these are two separate things and I think PPs aren’t reading carefully or comprehending fully.

Also, if he lied to you about this it is an issue. I think this is probably not the man for you.

Perhaps he wants HIS kids to live in a decent house/area. God, women can be so selfish and stupid sometimes.

I said “when the kids are out of the house” above. His kids will, presumably, be living at college and not with the ex.

Does anyone bother to read?

Yes, I read. Do you? OP has a problem with him subsiding he mortgage now and in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would absolutely have an issue with him subsidizing her mortgage - the house is in her name only yes? - when his kids are out of the house! There is no need for that and she needs to downsize if she can’t afford the mortgage on her own. Paying for them to go to college is a different story and what a decent man would do. But these are two separate things and I think PPs aren’t reading carefully or comprehending fully.

Also, if he lied to you about this it is an issue. I think this is probably not the man for you.

Perhaps he wants HIS kids to live in a decent house/area. God, women can be so selfish and stupid sometimes.

I said “when the kids are out of the house” above. His kids will, presumably, be living at college and not with the ex.

Does anyone bother to read?

OP, here. I did not post this but it is true. Thank you for clarifying. He has not mentioned selling the house once the kids are in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here. I am not advocating that he not pay for college. Once this expense starts, he will not be able to afford his current apartment and the mortgage supplementation.

How do you even know this?

And in any event, if that is true, it solves your problem. He will stop contributing to her mortgage, and you have no further cause for complaint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP here. I am not advocating that he not pay for college. Once this expense starts, he will not be able to afford his current apartment and the mortgage supplementation.

How do you even know this?

And in any event, if that is true, it solves your problem. He will stop contributing to her mortgage, and you have no further cause for complaint.

NP here and that may or may not be true. He may either ask OP for money (she can say no of course) or, if the relationship progresses and they are living together, he may not contribute to the household expenses and rely solely on her income for that.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn't be ok with me. Child support? Of course. Ex-wife support? Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It wouldn't be ok with me. Child support? Of course. Ex-wife support? Hell no.

Don't date divorced men with children then.