Starting to Think I'll Never Meet Anyone

[Anonymous]

Very early 50s divorced mom of two teens. I keep reading all these stories about not giving up, etc., or you become self-defeating, but I really don't think I am going to meet anyone. For casual? Sure. Someone wanting me to be his mistress? Yes, I can find that, and have been asked that, but I won't do it. Younger guys curious about having a relationship for a bit with an older woman until they decide it is time to start a family? Sure. But somebody age appropriate who is actually looking for a girlfriend or other committed relationship? Nope.

I've tried all the dating sites, and there just doesn't seem to be anyone on there looking for anything real. All my friends are either married or in committed relationships and don't know anyone. One friend was going to introduce me to someone who was married to her best friend who passed away, but she was giving the guy time to grieve. While she was being respectful, he took up with his dog walker!

Tons of friends, male and female, say it is 100% going to happen for me, that I'm such a catch, blah, blah, blah. Well, where all all these "catchers"? I sure don't see them. Should I just give up? I'm tired of wanting something that may never happen. My ex had a girlfriend before the divorce was even final, but we've been divorced over two years and there is nothing on my horizon. I've read that stat that most people get remarried within three years of the divorce. I can't even find a serious date! I'm allergic to cats, so please don't suggest I become a cat lady, but I also don't want to hold out hope for something that won't happen if that is actually the truth.

[Anonymous]

I'm 46 and have been divorced for 2 years. You need to live your life. If someone comes along, that's great. And if not, you still need to be happy and live your life.

So what if no one comes along? Does that change how you live your life today? You're in your early 50s, not late 80s. Do what makes you happy today.

[Anonymous]

You have a lot of baggage. Be patient.

[Anonymous]

There is a poster here that claims men are rushing into second marriages. Maybe she will come along and point you in their direction

[Anonymous]

In your early 50s you should be looking for a man around 65. An early 50s man with his act together has a lot of younger options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your early 50s you should be looking for a man around 65. An early 50s man with his act together has a lot of younger options

As do I, but not for anything long-term. My last boyfriend (of three months) was 22 years my junior. Then he decided it was time to start a family and he reconnected with an old ex for that purpose. I don't get why I have to look at someone 15 years older than me, especially since the ones I see online tend not to have kept themselves up and may well have health problems, while I don't. I almost think I need to move out of the area once my kids are in college. I've also run into the ego thing of guys not wanting me to make more than they do several times. I don't see how dating a retiree would fix that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your early 50s you should be looking for a man around 65. An early 50s man with his act together has a lot of younger options

As do I, but not for anything long-term. My last boyfriend (of three months) was 22 years my junior. Then he decided it was time to start a family and he reconnected with an old ex for that purpose. I don't get why I have to look at someone 15 years older than me, especially since the ones I see online tend not to have kept themselves up and may well have health problems, while I don't. I almost think I need to move out of the area once my kids are in college. I've also run into the ego thing of guys not wanting me to make more than they do several times. I don't see how dating a retiree would fix that.

A well put together 50 year old man can get a 35 year old easily. I'm sure you are a nice person but you aren't in demand in that demographic. You will have to find an older partner or decide you are ok with casual relationships. That's just life. It ain't fair but it's real

[Anonymous]

First, you do seem to have a good sense of humor which is a huge positive.

How much dating have you actually done or is much of your commentary more hypothetical? When I got back into the dating world I went through a couple of years of frustration looking for the right guy. I finally gave up and then found a really nice guy once I stopped looking so hard. Have your ever misplaced your car keys and then gone crazy looking for them and not finding them. So you stop looking and then find them by accident a few days later? Relax and see what happens. I do admit that during my couple of years of looking frustration I did briefly date a few guys - a couple younger - purely for social and admittedly physical reasons without any expectations of a LTR.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just focus on living your life and if it happens it happens. I'm 43 and divorced two years, and have not dated seriously, but I'm not that interested in it. I took up a new sport, DS and I went on an awesome vacation last summer, my sister lives nearby and is my best friend, and I'm pretty good with where things are. I personally do not rule out guys in their 60s for casual dating though, if they are fun to talk to and have interesting stories to tell.

[Anonymous]

Lol, well I have the opposite problem - meeting guys (yes, my age) who want to get serious when I’m not interested in getting serious with them. So, they’re out there. Maybe you just need to change your profile or selection criteria?

-49 yo

[Anonymous]

“A well put together 50 year old man can get a 35 year old easily. I'm sure you are a nice person but you aren't in demand in that demographic. You will have to find an older partner or decide you are ok with casual relationships. That's just life. It ain't fair but it's real.”

There’s a cover for every pot, but most 50 year old guys are looking for women their age who are able to support themselves, have similar interests, are at a similar place in life, and are not interested in having (more) kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your early 50s you should be looking for a man around 65. An early 50s man with his act together has a lot of younger options

Sadly, this is very true. I'm 53 and dating a 66 year old (pretty darn hot guy for his age!) and he told me that a lot of women his age have little desire for sex on a frequent basis with frequent only being once a week or so. Is that why 55 year old men date women in their early 40's? My friend is definitely not an "arm candy" kind of guy and I don't think our age gap is ridiculous at all. But I'm sure "arm candy" is a big deal for a guy post divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“A well put together 50 year old man can get a 35 year old easily. I'm sure you are a nice person but you aren't in demand in that demographic. You will have to find an older partner or decide you are ok with casual relationships. That's just life. It ain't fair but it's real.”

There’s a cover for every pot, but most 50 year old guys are looking for women their age who are able to support themselves, have similar interests, are at a similar place in life, and are not interested in having (more) kids.

Nope. They are looking for a few years of great sex before the ol' pecker quits working

[Anonymous]

Very early 50s divorced mom of two teens

You should not be meeting a special someone. Not now. Ideally not now. Your children are teens. It's far from ideal. Wait. Wait till they are -both- in college.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to just focus on living your life and if it happens it happens.

That’s a prescription for growing old with cats. OP wants to be not single. Don’t tell her “no you want to enjoy being single” merely because you enjoy being single. Go do that. OP doesn’t want that.