Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old

[Anonymous]

DD is devastated because I told her she could not go to her friends sleepover bday party. I know the child's mom (she works with me) but I don't know her dad. Honestly, It makes me uncomfortable to just allow her to go. I don't know if there will be other adults in the house nor have I even been to their house! DD has never been to a sleepover and I explained to her my reasons for this, mostly being that of a safety concern. She is extremely upset and crying and saying that it's not fair! I suggested to meet her halfway and told her she could stay till about 10 or 11 and I could pick her up then. But she said that stupid and no one will be doing that. I know at some point these things will happen but I feel it should be someone I know better and know both the mom and the dad. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her go?

[Anonymous]

I have let my daughter go to birthday party sleepovers since age 8. I just can’t imagine a situation where she would be alone with the father or the father or he could get on top of her in the middle of the night while she’s between two other sleeping girls?

[Anonymous]

Sounds overprotective to me as you work with the mom, but if it is something that you feel so strongly about, it sounds like you made a good suggestion with the late pickup.

[Anonymous]

Seems like you know the mom pretty well. If you need to know BOTH parents really well, I think your daughter will never go on a sleepover and you will always have an excuse.

By all means, ask about guns, pets, prescription medicines, pool/hot tub, what movies they will watch, food allergies, and who will supervise / will the mom be home the whole time, any other adults present? But let her go. 4th-8th grade is prime sleepover time.

[Anonymous]

I agree, let her go. I think it is fair to ask who else lives in the house (if you don't already know).

[Anonymous]

I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're overprotective in this matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

This is strange.

[Anonymous]

If your requirement is that you need to know both parents, then why haven't you gotten to know the father? Or been to their home?

I understand some hesitancy, but I'm sure you're not an idiot, you do know girls have sleepovers all the time. Take the time to meet the dad, and let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

Dafuq? This is way overboard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is devastated because I told her she could not go to her friends sleepover bday party. I know the child's mom (she works with me) but I don't know her dad. Honestly, It makes me uncomfortable to just allow her to go. I don't know if there will be other adults in the house nor have I even been to their house! DD has never been to a sleepover and I explained to her my reasons for this, mostly being that of a safety concern. She is extremely upset and crying and saying that it's not fair! I suggested to meet her halfway and told her she could stay till about 10 or 11 and I could pick her up then. But she said that stupid and no one will be doing that. I know at some point these things will happen but I feel it should be someone I know better and know both the mom and the dad. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her go?

Say to yourself, out loud: "I'm not letting my ten-year-old daughter go to my co-worker's daughter's sleepover birthday party because I don't know my co-worker's husband and I've never been to their house."

Does that sound reasonable to you?

[Anonymous]

I was never allowed to go to sleepovers because my parents were immigrants and the entire concept seemed absurd to them.

There was a thread on this board a year or two ago about how sexual abuse and there were SO MANY posters who were abused at sleepover parties, not necessarily by fathers of other children but by older brothers and friends of older brothers as well. It has stayed in my memory ever since then and I'm not really sure whether I will let my child sleep over at another child's house.

[Anonymous]

Kinda sad for your daughter. Best memories of that age were sleepovers. Why are you blaming your daughter for the fact that you've never met the dad? Go meet him if that's your requirement.

[Anonymous]

My parents never allowed sleepovers, and while I hated the policy as a child, I plan to do the same now that I’m a parent.