Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old

[Anonymous]

I hate sleepovers.

But if you plan on doing them, I would rather you talk to your daughter about YELLING if someone inappropriately touches her. Most assaults in that context happen when the child is too scared or embarrassed to make a scene.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate sleepovers.

But if you plan on doing them, I would rather you talk to your daughter about YELLING if someone inappropriately touches her. Most assaults in that context happen when the child is too scared or embarrassed to make a scene.

Better to urinate or defecate on yourself.

[Anonymous]

I’m an immigrant too and sleepovers were a foreign concept. So I never went on any as a kid. I think here was one I would have liked to go to and was upset. Otherwise I got over it and my parents picked me up.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being overprotective and a lot paranoid. Teach your daughter how to handle any situation, without scaring her, and she'll be fine. I went to countless sleepovers as a kid, and was never molested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate sleepovers.

But if you plan on doing them, I would rather you talk to your daughter about YELLING if someone inappropriately touches her. Most assaults in that context happen when the child is too scared or embarrassed to make a scene.

Yes - and give her a phone and tell her to call or text you if there are any issues. Have a talk about inappropriate behavior first.
Let her go, and make sure to stay around for a half hour is so at the house before you leave? Bring over some appetizers and have the Mom show you around the house some? You could tell her that this is DD’s first sleepover and you’d like to make sure that she will be comfortable?

You should let her go to sleepovers soon - she’s almost past the age entirely!

[Anonymous]

Some families have a no sleepover rule. If this is you, go ahead and be clear with your kids about your rule and deal with the consequences (they will be upset). I think it’s overprotective but it’s not my call to make. I have always accommodated whatever a parent has asked when I host a sleepover if I possibly can without judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you aren’t getting mote responses telling you that it is very reasonable to not want your daughter to spend the night at the house of a stranger. I would never let my child spend the night at a house if I didn’t know both parents very well, as in friends that we hang out with all the time and have gotten to know really well. With the statistics out there about child abuse it seems that more people would want to protect their children. Once someone is abused/molested you can’t take your decision back. Take her to the party and meet the Dad, and then pick her up at 10:00.

Your knowing both parents well never tells you the full story of what goes on behind closed doors, believe me. Some of those nice people that you know well are actually horrible child molesters and abusers. The key is to have open communication with your child. Molesters know to go after kids whose parents might not notice - middle kids, kids whose parents are divorced, seriously ill parents or those working long hours. The key is to talk to your kid about what is inappropriate and tell your kid to tell you ASAP if anything like that happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

This is strange.

Very strange

[Anonymous]

Seems reasonable to me.

http://www.wusa9.com/article/news/local/falls-church/child-sex-abuse-victims-start-campaign-to-help-others/215203365

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is devastated because I told her she could not go to her friends sleepover bday party. I know the child's mom (she works with me) but I don't know her dad. Honestly, It makes me uncomfortable to just allow her to go. I don't know if there will be other adults in the house nor have I even been to their house! DD has never been to a sleepover and I explained to her my reasons for this, mostly being that of a safety concern. She is extremely upset and crying and saying that it's not fair! I suggested to meet her halfway and told her she could stay till about 10 or 11 and I could pick her up then. But she said that stupid and no one will be doing that. I know at some point these things will happen but I feel it should be someone I know better and know both the mom and the dad. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her go?

There's a difference between your DD being the only guest or part of a larger group. Let her go.

[Anonymous]

Yes, overprotective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

This is strange.

It wasn't strange. DD had been at the same school prior to that for six years. We knew everyone. Now she was at a new school where I knew like, two boys (that DD was not friends with). All the kids looked wild to me in the courtyard. I knew DD had made "friends" with the AP. So I asked him. She is now in 9th grade and is still friends with him.

Sorry to pile on. But this situation seemed perfectly nice and in fact charming, until you said your 9th grader is friends with the assistant principal. That is weird. Do they go to the movies together? Text each other? What's this friendship all about?

[Anonymous]

Overprotective.

Let the mom know you're hesitant, but let her go.

[Anonymous]

Yes . You are being over protective and not actually protecting her. What is in her best interests is to talk to her about appropriate and non appropriate behavior and what she should do if in a bad situation. Then send her on a sleepover where you know one parent.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's overprotective. My 10 year old has never done a sleepover. Just not an option in our family. We do a late pick up, around 11pm, and so far it's worked out fine.

Do what works for your family, IMO.