Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old

[Anonymous]

Knowing a family well doesn't really mean they won't be abused. Abusers are stealth - they aren't the creepy man who leers at you when you drop off your child a the house. It is far more subtle. Abusers are often people who are well known to the child.

On the other hand, I never went to a sleepover as a child and I was not scarred!

[Anonymous]

My DD has been having sleepovers and going to them since she was 6. Her 8 and 9 yo birthdays were sleepover parties and about half of the 14 or so girls invited to the party (dinner/movie/sleepover) left at around 10:00 or so. This would have been a good suggestion and I think she'd know it wasn't unusual if she'd ever been to one. My impression about those who left was that the girls were nervous about sleeping over or had early morning sports not that they didn't know us/or have been to our home. I do think you are a little off especially since you work with the mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is devastated because I told her she could not go to her friends sleepover bday party. I know the child's mom (she works with me) but I don't know her dad. Honestly, It makes me uncomfortable to just allow her to go. I don't know if there will be other adults in the house nor have I even been to their house! DD has never been to a sleepover and I explained to her my reasons for this, mostly being that of a safety concern. She is extremely upset and crying and saying that it's not fair! I suggested to meet her halfway and told her she could stay till about 10 or 11 and I could pick her up then. But she said that stupid and no one will be doing that. I know at some point these things will happen but I feel it should be someone I know better and know both the mom and the dad. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her go?

I'll be honest: you sound like a nutjob.

[Anonymous]

We used to do sleepovers and now we don’t. Found out a family we knew well, they met all the criteria the pro-sleepover parents are saying, had a domestic violence issue in their home.

Now I just don’t think it’s worth it. We will happily host. Or pick up at 10

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is devastated because I told her she could not go to her friends sleepover bday party. I know the child's mom (she works with me) but I don't know her dad. Honestly, It makes me uncomfortable to just allow her to go. I don't know if there will be other adults in the house nor have I even been to their house! DD has never been to a sleepover and I explained to her my reasons for this, mostly being that of a safety concern. She is extremely upset and crying and saying that it's not fair! I suggested to meet her halfway and told her she could stay till about 10 or 11 and I could pick her up then. But she said that stupid and no one will be doing that. I know at some point these things will happen but I feel it should be someone I know better and know both the mom and the dad. Am I being unreasonable? Would you let her go?

Your rules, but yea, you are being an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

This is strange.

Very strange

Weird as hell.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 daughters and have had many girls sleepover at our house. Not once have I been asked about guns, drugs or anything else in the house.

[Anonymous]

I think it's overprotective but we don't allow sleepovers either. Dd12 is always upset about it but life will go on. Our house, our daughter, our rules. Just because other families allow it, doesn't matter to us. I am willing to let her go and stay till 10 or 11. I do need yo know the parents and I let them know that my dh and I are overprotective and they Stoll encourage their daughter's to continue the friendship with my dd.

Do what feels right for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I think it is reasonable to pick her up at 10. Not uncommon at all. I like it when the host family provides an option for pick up for the kids who don’t want to stay over.

[Anonymous]

Ask DD if she would be okay with a pickup if you tell everyone that she can't stay due to a morning commitment you all need to get to. My kids got out of many unwanted sleepovers (they know the ones that go too late and make them miserable the rest of the weekend!)

Also, when we have hosted sleepovers, we either do it when DH is traveling or he is very, very cautious to steer clear as much as possible. He would never want there to be any way someone could make an accusation, however unfounded. It's a sad world we live in that it has come to that, but we all see that even a later-proved-totally- false accusation can ruin a reputation.

[Anonymous]

I get where you're coming from but I had a mother who could be overprotective in the same way and I HATED it. I do things differently.
And she's right, picking her up at 10 or 11 is worse than just not going at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think so. I'd tell her "Let's plan that you can go. I'm going to drop you off. I'm going to walk into the house with you. If I get an uncomfortable feeling we're going to leave and you can't throw a fit."

Then call to RSVP and tell the mom "I'd really like to say yes. I've never let DD go to a sleepover before and am kind of nervous. Besides you and your husband are there any other adults in the house? Are there any guns in your home?"

But I've met lots of dads and they're all normal. And both my exhusband and current husband have been around for sleepovers. All four daughters have been having sleepovers since 4-6 yrs old (depending on when they asked/were invited) with no problem. Generally the dads get the food. They pick up the sushi or pizza, they cook the pancakes or waffles in the morning, they fix the connection when Netflix won't show up on tv. Other than that, and yelling at the girls to stop shrieking they stay out of the way.

*I just want to add to the above: when one of my daughters got invited to a sleepover birthday party a month after she'd started at a new middle school in 6th grade, I dropped her off and then stood next to the assistant principal, and told him "DD got invited to Arianna's birthday party, but it's a sleepover. Which one is Arianna? Do you know who else is going?" And bless this guy, because he immediately pointed out Arianna to me, and then saw a girl walking past him and said, "Hey Faith, what are you doing next weekend?" And Faith said she was going to the sleepover. So I got to look at both the birthday girl and another guest. The AP then told me Arianna's living situation (in terms of parents) and which other girls were in her and Faith's friend circle.

This is strange.

It wasn't strange. DD had been at the same school prior to that for six years. We knew everyone. Now she was at a new school where I knew like, two boys (that DD was not friends with). All the kids looked wild to me in the courtyard. I knew DD had made "friends" with the AP. So I asked him. She is now in 9th grade and is still friends with him.

Sorry to pile on. But this situation seemed perfectly nice and in fact charming, until you said your 9th grader is friends with the assistant principal. That is weird. Do they go to the movies together? Text each other? What's this friendship all about?

Lol, he left her middle school when he got a job offer to be principal for another school. He gave all the kids his email address so they could stay in touch. I think he and DD talk about running - she's on track and he runs marathons, and they talk about NY, and Spanish and dogs. He came back to the school to visit for her graduation ceremony. He spent the majority of the time hanging out with the principal and chatting with parents, occasionally getting interrupted by kids to hug or take a picture together. Sometimes you guys are so suspicious of everyone that it exhausts me.

[Anonymous]

Who are all these parents willing to run around doing pickups at 11 pm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these parents willing to run around doing pickups at 11 pm?

My girl has been attending and hosting sleepovers since she was four years old, but at age 15 I will still always come pick her up no matter where she is, if she is uncomfortable and wants to come home. Ok, I don't have a car so really I'll probably send her an Uber, but yes if she is uncomfortable anywhere I will absolutely get her out of there, even if I have to order a chopper.

[Anonymous]

I work in the criminal justice system and have for 20 years so everyone's, "oh that never happens," is my every day. I have allowed sleep overs, but not all of them. Not even close.