Am I being overprotective? No sleepover policy at 10 years old

[Anonymous]

I'm against sleepovers...there's really no point. They can have just as much fun at a pajama party where they get picked up at 10 or 11. It's different when they're 16 + but I don't see the need for sleepovers in elementary and middle school.

I was raped at age 13 (middle of 8th grade) by my friends "older friends" who we snuck out to meet. I was young and impressionable and thought it was cool my friend knew these older boys. One of the "boys" (late teens/early 20's) drugged my drink. Luckily, I wrote about it in my diary the next day and my mom read it when she noticed I was acting strange. She then made me go to the doctor for a rape kit and then to the police. It was horrible and traumatizing.

So yeah, no sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

We have a 12 year old policy. And then only with those families we know VERY well. My kids have known this since they were little. All three of my kids have many overnight invitations. Sometimes they stay until 10-11 depending on what the host wants. They are fine with it, have tons of friends and are generally popular kids. I know many families that don't allow sleepovers. My first exposure to porn was at age 12 at my first sleepover. My friend got a magazine from her dad's "hidden" stash. I never told my parents but that same year at another sleep over two girls waited until the rest fell asleep, lifted the shirt of one of the girls that was asleep and took pictures with their polaroid. They distributed them at school. I didn't know the girl well but I felt horrible for her and every parent found out about it including mine. The two girls that took the picture got in big trouble at school. I kept thinking it could have been me. My parents never let me sleepover again.

[Anonymous]

OP, trust your own instincts. Don't follow the crowd or be bullied into thinking that your child must experience a sleepover. I don't blame you at all for being hesitant about your daughter sleeping at a stranger's house. Plenty of families are against sleepovers. This day and age with all the crap that is going on and the way some people parent their children I will be extremely cautious about allowing my daughter to partake in a sleepover. It's better safe than sorry. Times have change. Kids today with the support of their nonchalant parents are really engaging into some socially destructive things at an early age. In addition to social media and children filming everything for all the world to see you are putting your daughter at risk. Believe me, it's not worth it.

I'm as liberal as they come. However, knowing what I know about sexual predators there is no way that I will feel comfortable with my 10 year old daughter at a sleepover. These so call "trusted adults" are like vultures just waiting for naïve parents to give them the green light into abusing children. Sleepovers are kind of creepy anyway. Many cultures of people do not partake in sleepovers and their kids grow up to be healthy and functioning adults. This is not something that your daughter must do.

[Anonymous]

Sleepovers we're one of the great joys of my childhood.

[Anonymous]

Am i the only one who hated sleep overs? my mom forced some on me and i HATED them. I hated sleeping on the floor, i hated staying up until 2am for fear of getting cold water thrown on me if i was first to fall asleep, i hated the cheesy movies we had to watch. UGH, hated every minute of those things and would have loved for my mom to say no.

[Anonymous]

I always had great sleepovers, both at my house and at my friends’ houses. But I was the victim of some incidents that were not at sleepovers. Because of that, and because the access to tech is so different than in, say 1994, I’m cautious with my children.

My oldest is 6, and had a first bday party sleepover invite.....we ended up doing a lateover. My dd was so sad going in, and I had to hold strong to a belief (that i was doubting). But she ended up being 1 of 3 that were picked up at night. It made me feel validated, and I now feel much stronger in my desire to never do sleepovers.

Again, they were fun while growing up; but we want to hold off in this day and age.

[Anonymous]

We do not allow sleepovers for our 9 year old. It isn't unheard of or overprotective.

[Anonymous]

I do not allow sleepovers for my kids unless just one other child and only if I know the other family well. Kids are 11,9 and 7. I find sleepovers odd- and I grew up having many a sleepover, with no ill effects. My kids don’t adjust well to little sleep. Half of the time one or the other of the kids wants to go home in the middle of the night or the kids are up way past what is normal. Why not just hang out late and if necessary having an early morning breakfast. I don’t need my kids being tired uncontrollable messes the next day just to accomplish a sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Well I'm an immigrant and I had sleepovers in my home country (Caribbean). And my kids had sleepovers here. So not all immigrants have the same attitudes about sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Op, you're not being overprotective. You are being cautious. DCUM is where people would judge you if something happened to your daughter and they'd say, "Well why didn't she find an alternate route if she didn't know the parents that well?!"

I agree that DD could stay until midnight and after that I'd pick her up. Alternatively, I'd volunteer to help the other mom supervise the girls for the night. You could then get to sleep over, have a drink with the mom or two (while becoming friends with the mom) and DD wouldn't feel left out.

Sexual abuse does occur from fathers, brothers, girlfriends, sisters, grandparents or any other unknown. We have to remember in this day and age sexual abuse can happen by either a girl or boy.

As much as I'd hate for DD to feel embarrassed, I'd hate to have anything happen on my watch. Because if you allowed DD to go and stay at the sleepover and something did ever happen, DD is not going to tell you. Why?! Because it would be hard to admit mom may have been right and she might then feel a sense of shame. Of course, you wouldn't shame her or be upset with her but trying to explain that to a pre-teen is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Overprotective IMO.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're the parent, it's your call. Follow your gut.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents never did that level of investigating and I was never harmed. In fact they were some of the best experiences as a child. OP: you can't hover or snowplow forever. Or maybe you will?

Left her go.

(Admittedly, a lot of same-sex / same-age sexual experimentation / mutual masturbation did occur around 11-14 but those are wonderful memories indeed!)

I can't be the ONLY person who was seriously weirded out by the above post??? I went to a ton of sleepovers as a kid, but WTF is this?

[Anonymous]

Sorry, yeah no way would I allow. I live in FCC and still remember the girls were molested by the Mayor's husband. Heck no, sleep overs aren't necessary, ever.

[Anonymous]

You are overreacting, OP. If you know the mom let her go. I don't do sleepovers at my house but that's because I don't want my sleep and my weekend morning disrupted by a bunch of kids in my house. If other people are willing to do it, more power to them.