SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

Wow, St. Karen of Bethesda. The holy martyr saint of WOHMs. Congratulations on your amazing work balancing being a middle manager fed dullard and making sure your kids stayed parked in front of Zoom school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

Meh! I have a PhD too. My kid is in grad school too (and a high paying STEM field too). My kids have always been high achievers. Personally, I get my jolliies by guiding poor but smart kids into college. Gratis. I also happen to be rich and hot, and my DH is a high earner who dotes on me. I really don't mind having a mind and the looks and great family life and the gravy train. Choo choo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

Meh! I have a PhD too. My kid is in grad school too (and a high paying STEM field too). My kids have always been high achievers. Personally, I get my jolliies by guiding poor but smart kids into college. Gratis. I also happen to be rich and hot, and my DH is a high earner who dotes on me. I really don't mind having a mind and the looks and great family life and the gravy train. Choo choo.

Can you tell us how rich were you prior to marrying your high earner husband ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

Meh! I have a PhD too. My kid is in grad school too (and a high paying STEM field too). My kids have always been high achievers. Personally, I get my jolliies by guiding poor but smart kids into college. Gratis. I also happen to be rich and hot, and my DH is a high earner who dotes on me. I really don't mind having a mind and the looks and great family life and the gravy train. Choo choo.

NP. Look, I don’t have a dog in this fight, but how are you not afraid that you’re in the beginning scenes of some domestic drama movie?

I come from a culture where bragging about your good fortune is an open invitation to the bad spirits to take it all away from you, and I just marvel that anyone could write something like this without being filled with fear! I don’t know what culture this poster is from but it’s certainly not one that fears being punished for flaunting luck.. culture is so weird and cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

Meh! I have a PhD too. My kid is in grad school too (and a high paying STEM field too). My kids have always been high achievers. Personally, I get my jolliies by guiding poor but smart kids into college. Gratis. I also happen to be rich and hot, and my DH is a high earner who dotes on me. I really don't mind having a mind and the looks and great family life and the gravy train. Choo choo.

Can you tell us how rich were you prior to marrying your high earner husband ?

Do you think a high earner man will marry just anyone? LOL!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Yeah, well, what you do sounds like a hard life. Sorry, not for me and not my cup of tea. But, your hard work is to be commended. A big DCUM prize for you!! Yay!! You go girl!!! You won the Golden Mule!!

I am probably somewhat of a big slacker. I love to hang out with my DH and kids and usually we focus on having fun and relaxing in the weekends. The cooking, shopping, laundry, scheduling stuff, self care, planning, organizing, hobbies, causes, socializing, volunteering happens during the weekday. I outsource food prep, yard work, party prep, home repairs, house upkeep and house cleaning. I prefer that these chores and tasks are done under my supervision and to my satisfaction.

When my kids and DH are home, they come to a clean house, a relaxed and refreshed parent, food on the table, and a SAHM/SAHW who is able to anticipate their needs. The home is their oasis of calm and a place to relax. Weekends is used for fun so that they can face the coming week recharged.

Your lovely schedule sounds like a lot of work! Phew!! Good for you though. Keep up the good work.

I stayed home. No criticism from me about SAH, but the bolded is horrifyingly servile to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

Wow, St. Karen of Bethesda. The holy martyr saint of WOHMs. Congratulations on your amazing work balancing being a middle manager fed dullard and making sure your kids stayed parked in front of Zoom school.

That was pretty funny. Thanks for the laugh.

It is only funny to feeble minds, same as the comment about Lululemon above it. You nasty people all deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

But do you worry about what this says to your daughters, about a women's worth or potential?

Just seems SO outdated to me.

I can help my child apply to grad school now, because I have a PhD. I guess you would pay some consultant to do that.

It's just a different type of farming out. I will try not to look down on yours, if you don't strut around thinking you have won some gravy train.

Meh! I have a PhD too. My kid is in grad school too (and a high paying STEM field too). My kids have always been high achievers. Personally, I get my jolliies by guiding poor but smart kids into college. Gratis. I also happen to be rich and hot, and my DH is a high earner who dotes on me. I really don't mind having a mind and the looks and great family life and the gravy train. Choo choo.

NP. Look, I don’t have a dog in this fight, but how are you not afraid that you’re in the beginning scenes of some domestic drama movie?

I come from a culture where bragging about your good fortune is an open invitation to the bad spirits to take it all away from you, and I just marvel that anyone could write something like this without being filled with fear! I don’t know what culture this poster is from but it’s certainly not one that fears being punished for flaunting luck.. culture is so weird and cool.

It's either made up or that PP is a sociopath. Either way, no need to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Yeah, well, what you do sounds like a hard life. Sorry, not for me and not my cup of tea. But, your hard work is to be commended. A big DCUM prize for you!! Yay!! You go girl!!! You won the Golden Mule!!

I am probably somewhat of a big slacker. I love to hang out with my DH and kids and usually we focus on having fun and relaxing in the weekends. The cooking, shopping, laundry, scheduling stuff, self care, planning, organizing, hobbies, causes, socializing, volunteering happens during the weekday. I outsource food prep, yard work, party prep, home repairs, house upkeep and house cleaning. I prefer that these chores and tasks are done under my supervision and to my satisfaction.

When my kids and DH are home, they come to a clean house, a relaxed and refreshed parent, food on the table, and a SAHM/SAHW who is able to anticipate their needs. The home is their oasis of calm and a place to relax. Weekends is used for fun so that they can face the coming week recharged.

Your lovely schedule sounds like a lot of work! Phew!! Good for you though. Keep up the good work.

I stayed home. No criticism from me about SAH, but the bolded is horrifyingly servile to me.

Well, that is your interpretation and I cannot help about how you feel or think. For me, taking care of my family is a labor of love.

What you have said is actually food for thought. What if you don't have a good HHI and money is tight? What if your DH is a terrible person? What if you have a bad marriage? What if your kids are rude, disrespectful, terrible people and underachievers? What if you have no help from family and no funds to outsource the boring stuff? How underappreciated, insecure, powerless and unloved are you that doing things for your family makes you feel servile? This could very well be the reality of many women. We should certainly sympathize, even if we cannot empathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These threads are always so nuts to me. My kids are teens now and this seems to be driven by the insecurities of moms of young kids. I'm around a lot of teens and you can't tell who went to daycare, stayed home, had a nanny, stayed with grandma, did some combination, etc. You can tell sometimes figure out kids who have disinterested parents, or kids who had or have unstable home lives. But that's totally agnostic of WOHM or SAHM.

That seems like a motivated comment. I can typically tell the difference between kids raised by smart/educated SAHMs and kids raised at daycare or by inexpensive nannies.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Everything about this thread just makes me feel bad. It’s so anti-woman. We don’t all need or want the same thing. Feelings and circumstances change over time. Nobody does it perfectly. Congrats especially to the people that shop and cook for the week on the weekends. Being smug about what works for you doesn’t really make you a better person for it. Nor does owning 5 cars for 4 people and managing your home and beach house—a lot of work and kudos to your management but at any point does your soul feel empty? Especially now that you’re so DONE with volunteering? I swear I can’t even tell the difference between real and satirical posts. It’s all so depressing.

[Anonymous]

This is indeed a very depressing thread. I've been both: a career person and a SAHM for 10 years. I don't understand what all these SAHM do after kids are off to college. My son is in high school, and his friends matter more to him now than either parent. Honestly I am SO BORED after divorce! My job is what's saving me from a deep depression: it's nice meeting other people daily, do some projects, be on calls.

I can afford not to work living off divorce settlement but I would be drinking big time or something just sitting home.

And yes, I had that noisy, happy marriage (initially until he started living double life) with 3 homes, 3 cars, international travel, dinners with friends, charity events etc. Its all gone in a matter of 2 years.

Having gone through this in my own life, I strongly recommend any educated woman not to leave professional field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed a very depressing thread. I've been both: a career person and a SAHM for 10 years. I don't understand what all these SAHM do after kids are off to college. My son is in high school, and his friends matter more to him now than either parent. Honestly I am SO BORED after divorce! My job is what's saving me from a deep depression: it's nice meeting other people daily, do some projects, be on calls.

I can afford not to work living off divorce settlement but I would be drinking big time or something just sitting home.

And yes, I had that noisy, happy marriage (initially until he started living double life) with 3 homes, 3 cars, international travel, dinners with friends, charity events etc. Its all gone in a matter of 2 years.

Having gone through this in my own life, I strongly recommend any educated woman not to leave professional field.

Hmmm...You are divorced. Your kid is with his friends (in a pandemic? okey-dokey). You were ultra rich (3 houses, international travel, charity events). So your lifestyle was certainly a bit different from my lifestyle as a SAHM.

I am with my DH and I have a happy marriage. My DH does not travel and he is home with me every day. He is an involved dad, our main cook, and we share our hobbies. We don't have a jet setting lifestyle (1 home, international travel together, no charity events), and our kids are really working their butts off in public schools in a rigorous STEM programs. When they hang with their friends, we know who they are.

Sorry, your narrative is the narrative of people with unhappy marriages and dysfunctional families. How easily you have said that your kids are ok with their friends and care more about them than either of their parents. Really? My kids would be a mess if ever mom-dad were not together and our family broke up. We are their rock.

There is a big misstep in your life and that misstep is not that you were a SAHM or gave up your professional life. In your case, you being in a job would not have stopped your husband cheating or your divorce. You being a WOHM would not have stopped your kid being not connected to either of his parent.

In fact, you may have reaped whatever you sowed. Your family life would have been what it is regardless of if you were a SAHM or a WOHM.

[Anonymous]

Your DH and you should be on the same page for WOHM/SAHM and other big decisions. That he is not listening to you or agreeing to your viewpoint means there is a bigger problem in the relationship or the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is indeed a very depressing thread. I've been both: a career person and a SAHM for 10 years. I don't understand what all these SAHM do after kids are off to college. My son is in high school, and his friends matter more to him now than either parent. Honestly I am SO BORED after divorce! My job is what's saving me from a deep depression: it's nice meeting other people daily, do some projects, be on calls.

I can afford not to work living off divorce settlement but I would be drinking big time or something just sitting home.

And yes, I had that noisy, happy marriage (initially until he started living double life) with 3 homes, 3 cars, international travel, dinners with friends, charity events etc. Its all gone in a matter of 2 years.

Having gone through this in my own life, I strongly recommend any educated woman not to leave professional field.

Hmmm...You are divorced. Your kid is with his friends (in a pandemic? okey-dokey). You were ultra rich (3 houses, international travel, charity events). So your lifestyle was certainly a bit different from my lifestyle as a SAHM.

I am with my DH and I have a happy marriage. My DH does not travel and he is home with me every day. He is an involved dad, our main cook, and we share our hobbies. We don't have a jet setting lifestyle (1 home, international travel together, no charity events), and our kids are really working their butts off in public schools in a rigorous STEM programs. When they hang with their friends, we know who they are.

Sorry, your narrative is the narrative of people with unhappy marriages and dysfunctional families. How easily you have said that your kids are ok with their friends and care more about them than either of their parents. Really? My kids would be a mess if ever mom-dad were not together and our family broke up. We are their rock.

There is a big misstep in your life and that misstep is not that you were a SAHM or gave up your professional life. In your case, you being in a job would not have stopped your husband cheating or your divorce. You being a WOHM would not have stopped your kid being not connected to either of his parent.

In fact, you may have reaped whatever you sowed. Your family life would have been what it is regardless of if you were a SAHM or a WOHM.

I only have one child. The divorce lasted for 3 years, and he did so tired of parents fighting that he doesn't want to be involved either with dad or with me much. He lives mostly with me: very academically oriented. Yes, he's in private school: the school is fully in-person now so he's back home at 4. Regardless of how my marriage would have ended, I would be still bored doing nothing till 4pm.

Dont judge your own or others marriage until you know: men are capable of all kind of things. I can write a book "my husband's double life" some day. The marriage didn't feel to me dysfunctional at all until probably 2 years prior to me finding out his affair. Everyone was shocked when we split after 18 years.