SAHM’s - anyone successfully convince DH to support their staying home long term?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The other question that no one has thought of is…what happens to alimony if the ex dies? Who is the disgruntled and unemployed ex-wife going to turn to for alimony?

It’s taken from the husband’s estate. It’s no different than any other financial obligation that must be paid out before inheritances are dispersed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should he work if you won’t?

OP here - my view is, why should I do everything I do now plus a job? I would be insane to agree to that. He’s not going to magically do half.

It all depends on your earning potential. If you have skills and an education, then you should be able to make enough to hire a cleaning lady to come and handle cleaning your house and doing laundry. Also, the extra money would be helpful for retirement savings or for your kids college or even now, perhaps provide an amazing experience and exposure for your kids that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford.

Skilled women by the time their kid is the age yours is, are able to have enough clout at work to be able to work from home, start their own consulting business, work less for more etc..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other question that no one has thought of is…what happens to alimony if the ex dies? Who is the disgruntled and unemployed ex-wife going to turn to for alimony?

It’s taken from the husband’s estate. It’s no different than any other financial obligation that must be paid out before inheritances are dispersed.

It depends on how the divorce decree is set up. My husband's ex's stops when he passes. She better hope he lives a long and healthy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why would one need to convince their DH to stay home with their kids?
I would never have married a man to begin with if I didn't have that choice. That's part of the kid package and putting their needs first. It's a given that women will be in and out of the work force because of their kids. Even pregnancy.

+1, I have to say I didn't even realize it was a choice as my parents always pushed women working. Turns out Dad was cheating on Mom for many years. I didn't consider it a choice until my husband said it was my choice and he's support what ever decision I may but it had to be my choice, not my parents.

[Anonymous]

This thread is practically a book. I was a SAHM. It allowed my husband and I to relax on the weekends and on the evenings that he made it hone. High paying jobs usually come with long hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IMO children need their parents home more as they get older, not less. There are far more reasons to stay home when the kids are in middle and high school. The activities, extra curricular activities (those that are sanctioned and those that are NOT), etc.
I have teenagers and have no intention of going back to work until my youngest is out of the house. I am sure my husband would LIKE for me to contribute finically but me being home allows him to do his job better — he doesn’t have to schedule meetings, work travel etc around the kids schedules.
Good luck! It can be very tricky if your husband is pressuring you to find a job when you don’t want to.

+1000 bigger kids opportunity for bigger problems. They need your support and guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

That sounds relaxing. Sorry not a goal for me. We have fun on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having not read all the replies...

I am in Biglaw and most of my partners have SAH wives. None of them complain about that aspect, I suppose because money isn't an issue. The complaints are more about the generic stuff, lack of time, sex, vacations, etc.

If you are a good, loving wife most men aren't going to care about the money if they make enough.

BigLaw wife here: Yes everything around the house gets done by me hired out by me. Supervised by me. I do all the cooking. I even buy the basics of DHs clothes. I plan vacations and all activities. We have 5 cars 2 dogs, 2 kids, a cat, a horse and a beach house. It’s plenty to keep me busy. I am never bored.

[Anonymous]

Pp from above : I also volunteered for years. I am so DONE with that !!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Yeah, well, what you do sounds like a hard life. Sorry, not for me and not my cup of tea. But, your hard work is to be commended. A big DCUM prize for you!! Yay!! You go girl!!! You won the Golden Mule!!

I am probably somewhat of a big slacker. I love to hang out with my DH and kids and usually we focus on having fun and relaxing in the weekends. The cooking, shopping, laundry, scheduling stuff, self care, planning, organizing, hobbies, causes, socializing, volunteering happens during the weekday. I outsource food prep, yard work, party prep, home repairs, house upkeep and house cleaning. I prefer that these chores and tasks are done under my supervision and to my satisfaction.

When my kids and DH are home, they come to a clean house, a relaxed and refreshed parent, food on the table, and a SAHM/SAHW who is able to anticipate their needs. The home is their oasis of calm and a place to relax. Weekends is used for fun so that they can face the coming week recharged.

Your lovely schedule sounds like a lot of work! Phew!! Good for you though. Keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

Wow, St. Karen of Bethesda. The holy martyr saint of WOHMs. Congratulations on your amazing work balancing being a middle manager fed dullard and making sure your kids stayed parked in front of Zoom school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

Wow, St. Karen of Bethesda. The holy martyr saint of WOHMs. Congratulations on your amazing work balancing being a middle manager fed dullard and making sure your kids stayed parked in front of Zoom school.

That was pretty funny. Thanks for the laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH convinced me to stay at home long term. He is very grateful. What can I say? I am riding the gravy with dumplings train. Only hitch was when Pandemic happened and all of them were working from home....ughhhhh. Open already.

Wow. How pathetic.

A global pandemic can really interrupt "The View", coffee meetups with other SAHMs, shopping for Lululemon, yoga class and so forth.

Gosh, imagine if you'd had to balance distance learning AND WFH. You would never have coped.

Yes, yes, so true. so very true!! Thank God, I did not have to balance distance learning AND WFH. I probably would have been like one of the WOHMs who were quitting work, always in tears, messy homes, dirty clothes, skunk hair, unkempt, on the verge of divorce, failing at work, yelling at their kids, insisting that schools open and needing therapy and drugs. LOL!! I certainly would not have coped.

Also, so many kids still had loss in learning. So sad. Thankfully, I organized a small pod and hired one of the best teachers from the school to teach. So feeling very blessed.
Yes, absolutely thankful that my reality was different. Not having the cleaning lady until the vaccinations were available was bad enough. *shudder*

If you did not know, Lululemons were and are available online and did end up becoming everyone's uniform during the pandemic. https://shop.lululemon.com/story/women and of course Yoga was on zoom. Om!!