Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe that OP is actually a white woman as she claims. She uses phrases that I have only heard from south Asians like “pulling my leg”, gifted, etc. Her manner of speaking and grammar reads as someone who grew up in Asia.

She has said that she grew up very sheltered and has a low IQ.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Check out a photo I took from the car yesterday. It's a family of 4 riding on a motorcycle. Sometimes the female will sit sideways.

This morning we went to DHs 11 year old nephew's private school. Parents can hang out in the schoolyard all day and a lot of them do. The children line up and sing a song in front of their parents before school. There was also drumming. They have chairs in the courtyard for parents to sit. Some had younger kids and they were playing on the playground equipment. Our son was allowed to sit in his counting class for about an hour. We also saw some of DH's family there. I'm sure they would have been fine if he had been there all day.

Yesterday I was able to see so many different types of Bengali people. The majority are thin, have good teeth, and wear beautiful colors. DH wears XL here but in the US he's M. We also went to buy the fabric for a three piece dress for me. Today we will go to the tailor and she will custom make the dress pants and scarf for me. We are going to get a professional picture taken all together and some individuals ones for the kids.
I was surprised how attentive the retail workers are here. For example when I was looking for the fabric yesterday I noticed the worker would take unwrap it for the customer and they would sit and discuss if they liked it. One family was doing that with different fabrics for a long time. I would feel uncomfortable asking someone to look at so many different things. The people are definitely happier here. It has been a good learning experience and I think I will be more grateful when we return. I grew up upper middle class and we had a pretty big home. Most of my classmates were rich. They had entire wings of a house and due to that I felt insecure at times 😆 sounds so crazy now. Anyway I will be happier with our townhouse now. Buying anything more than that seems wasteful. I now understand why DH calls our house big.

This is such a gross, weird thing to say, wtf. They're not livestock at auction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it hard to believe that OP is actually a white woman as she claims. She uses phrases that I have only heard from south Asians like “pulling my leg”, gifted, etc. Her manner of speaking and grammar reads as someone who grew up in Asia.

I use pulling my leg and gifted and I'm not south asian.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Op here. I think you're giving me too much credit. It's hard to sleep because I am overwhelmed. The mosque close by is constantly blaring music but it's really not normal music. They are singing verses from the Quran. They have a unique way to recite it. I am in a bed with my husband and two kids. All three are snoring. The mosquito net is secured well and I heard a strange animal outside I couldn't identify. Today there was a random cow I saw on the street. According to DH the cow wasn't lost. Most likely it wandered off its property and the owners will get him. I also was confused this evening when his family was discussing who would all go to Dhaka tomorrow because I recognized chicken in Bengali and names of family members. I asked why they were talking about chickens and if they would take the chickens to Dhaka. They thought it was hilarious. They were discussing who would stay home to babysit the chicken and rooster. Apparently, chickens fly over the concrete fence that's pretty high up. Who knew? Dhs family really wants to gift me a traditional three-price dress. We will go tomorrow to pick out the fabric and a tailor will custom make it. This is the way his sister usually purchases her clothes and I think it's common to still do this. The other types of clothes (the type we buy in the US ) are called ready-made. Another neat fact is furniture is sometimes made at your house right of if you and it is beautifully carved. It's easier to get it through the doorway. Their beds are typically huge because they co-sleep. Dh's nephew who is 11 sleeps with his mom and SIL and BIL sleep in another room. My MIL is sleeping with her sister right now who is visiting for two days.

Yes, we all know co-sleeping in a hut is common for billions of people in overcrowded, poor emerging market countries.
So what.

No one is forcing you to read every thread on DCUM!

I am enjoying her unprofessional cranky ramblings. I'd be doing the same thing in her place.

+1 click another topic, you don't have to read this!
Personally, I'm enjoying these descriptions

Same. I am NOT the OP (have Jeff check you paranoid people) and I do think these posts are a treat and I'm very invested in the OP's adventure. I'm the pp early in the thread who told her to go immediately to the airport! I'm glad she didn't!
Is anyone else checking maps of Bangladesh now? I have a friend from there (he's a US citizen) so it will be fun to catch up with him and ask him about memories of home. Unlike OP's husband his family all came over as well, so I think his memories will be 20 years out of date too.

I'm thinking about going to that city for a week myself to check it out.

Yes me too, will take a ton of friends and all do Bangladesh. Thank you OP, thank you everyone! So enlightening and excited!

Woo hoo! I too am sooo thankful for this awesome thread!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle-class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, and they have needs, not necessarily wants.

Op here yes and DH had a private tutor growing up which seems to be the norm for the middle class. He also went to a private school.DH's nephew who lives in the house I am staying in has his child in a private school I noticed a difference in the women when we went to the schoolyard yesterday. In a lot of ways, they are living a more luxurious lifestyle. When I asked my SIL if she wanted a washer she said no because she prefers a household helper to do the washing by hand. They rarely wash dishes because someone comes every morning to do that. I did have a private tutor growing up but only because I am dyslexic. DH's nephew has one four days a week. His brother maintains all of their properties and rents out space to rickshaw drivers. They also have income from gardening vegetables. If they need middle care they go right away. No one is worried about being able to afford medicine or medical procedures. Their house is also paid off and has been for several decades. Taking loans for houses isn't a thing. The house I showed a picture of was paid off in full. It was around 40-50k and dh helped out with some of it. What middle class family in the US pays off their house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

I travel a lot and read quite a bit of travel writing, and I'm finding OP's musings very charming. It's like reading a child's "What I Did Last Summer" essay about her trip to Bangladesh with her parents. "In Bangladesh, people are skinnier. They wear bright colors. People in Bangladesh eat spicy food. It makes me feel sick. They have nice teeth! Whole families ride a motorcycle together. Bangladesh is poor. But people seem happy."

Op here. I am not a travel writer. I'm not entering myself into a travel writing contest. And just to clarify I never said they eat spicy food and it makes me sick. You're looking for ways to pick at me. I have traveled to 7 countries but this is my first time in a developing country. I guarantee none of the Bengali people are spending time thinking of ways to insult strangers online. My husband and I had very different experiences growing up. Bullying wasn't as bad for him and he said in general it's not bad here. You still haven't understood that. Shame on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for those in the know:

What would the US equivalent to OP's experience be? E.g. let's say OP were a Swiss woman visiting her American husband's family in their very humble abode in a city that draws no tourists at all.

I'm trying to envision what the city might be like. A very poor neighborhood in Jackson, Mississippi? A trailer park in Hagerstown? Rural West Texas?

I can answer this!! We had exchange students in 80s hs in a rural really sh!!t town. These kids were from European capitals. We were hicks. And poor. There was nothing to do on weekends. It was worse than footloose. Nobody had a car or a tractor to get around.

I’ve known kids who were exchange students in the 1990s from the former USSR. Mostly very well educated and smart even if from what you would consider “poor” families.
One attended a HS in Georgia with a GS rating of 2.
Another spent her year on a farm in Arkansas I think.

[Anonymous]

Well, a large part of marrying someone like yourself is knowing what to expect… so, yeah.
I am just wondering if OP is planning to ever go back…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, a large part of marrying someone like yourself is knowing what to expect… so, yeah.
I am just wondering if OP is planning to ever go back…

I mean return to Bangladesh not back home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

I travel a lot and read quite a bit of travel writing, and I'm finding OP's musings very charming. It's like reading a child's "What I Did Last Summer" essay about her trip to Bangladesh with her parents. "In Bangladesh, people are skinnier. They wear bright colors. People in Bangladesh eat spicy food. It makes me feel sick. They have nice teeth! Whole families ride a motorcycle together. Bangladesh is poor. But people seem happy."

Op here. I am not a travel writer. I'm not entering myself into a travel writing contest. And just to clarify I never said they eat spicy food and it makes me sick. You're looking for ways to pick at me. I have traveled to 7 countries but this is my first time in a developing country. I guarantee none of the Bengali people are spending time thinking of ways to insult strangers online. My husband and I had very different experiences growing up. Bullying wasn't as bad for him and he said in general it's not bad here. You still haven't understood that. Shame on you.

No one is insulting you, OP. This comment doesn’t make any sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle-class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, and they have needs, not necessarily wants.

Op here yes and DH had a private tutor growing up which seems to be the norm for the middle class. He also went to a private school.DH's nephew who lives in the house I am staying in has his child in a private school I noticed a difference in the women when we went to the schoolyard yesterday. In a lot of ways, they are living a more luxurious lifestyle. When I asked my SIL if she wanted a washer she said no because she prefers a household helper to do the washing by hand. They rarely wash dishes because someone comes every morning to do that. I did have a private tutor growing up but only because I am dyslexic. DH's nephew has one four days a week. His brother maintains all of their properties and rents out space to rickshaw drivers. They also have income from gardening vegetables. If they need middle care they go right away. No one is worried about being able to afford medicine or medical procedures. Their house is also paid off and has been for several decades. Taking loans for houses isn't a thing. The house I showed a picture of was paid off in full. It was around 40-50k and dh helped out with some of it. What middle class family in the US pays off their house?

That's so interesting op. I'm the pp you responded to.

I think also though there isn't the respect for property rights in Bangladesh, so you can own your house but the government could take it at any time???


Washing by hand is certainty better for the environment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

I travel a lot and read quite a bit of travel writing, and I'm finding OP's musings very charming. It's like reading a child's "What I Did Last Summer" essay about her trip to Bangladesh with her parents. "In Bangladesh, people are skinnier. They wear bright colors. People in Bangladesh eat spicy food. It makes me feel sick. They have nice teeth! Whole families ride a motorcycle together. Bangladesh is poor. But people seem happy."

Op here. I am not a travel writer. I'm not entering myself into a travel writing contest. And just to clarify I never said they eat spicy food and it makes me sick. You're looking for ways to pick at me. I have traveled to 7 countries but this is my first time in a developing country. I guarantee none of the Bengali people are spending time thinking of ways to insult strangers online. My husband and I had very different experiences growing up. Bullying wasn't as bad for him and he said in general it's not bad here. You still haven't understood that. Shame on you.

OP. Get your story straight. Is this the first time you’ve been there or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

I travel a lot and read quite a bit of travel writing, and I'm finding OP's musings very charming. It's like reading a child's "What I Did Last Summer" essay about her trip to Bangladesh with her parents. "In Bangladesh, people are skinnier. They wear bright colors. People in Bangladesh eat spicy food. It makes me feel sick. They have nice teeth! Whole families ride a motorcycle together. Bangladesh is poor. But people seem happy."

Op here. I am not a travel writer. I'm not entering myself into a travel writing contest. And just to clarify I never said they eat spicy food and it makes me sick. You're looking for ways to pick at me. I have traveled to 7 countries but this is my first time in a developing country. I guarantee none of the Bengali people are spending time thinking of ways to insult strangers online. My husband and I had very different experiences growing up. Bullying wasn't as bad for him and he said in general it's not bad here. You still haven't understood that. Shame on you.

OP. Get your story straight. Is this the first time you’ve been there or not?

I also think there's something off about this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Washing by hand is certainty better for the environment

NP. No. At least not in the developed world (maybe there are different considerations in the developing countries). There are studies that show that the amount of water used by a dishwasher is significantly (like 3-4 times, if not more) lower than handwashing the same dishes. And btw, I love doing dishes by hand, so not knocking it, but it is less water efficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle-class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, and they have needs, not necessarily wants.

Op here yes and DH had a private tutor growing up which seems to be the norm for the middle class. He also went to a private school.DH's nephew who lives in the house I am staying in has his child in a private school I noticed a difference in the women when we went to the schoolyard yesterday. In a lot of ways, they are living a more luxurious lifestyle. When I asked my SIL if she wanted a washer she said no because she prefers a household helper to do the washing by hand. They rarely wash dishes because someone comes every morning to do that. I did have a private tutor growing up but only because I am dyslexic. DH's nephew has one four days a week. His brother maintains all of their properties and rents out space to rickshaw drivers. They also have income from gardening vegetables. If they need middle care they go right away. No one is worried about being able to afford medicine or medical procedures. Their house is also paid off and has been for several decades. Taking loans for houses isn't a thing. The house I showed a picture of was paid off in full. It was around 40-50k and dh helped out with some of it. What middle class family in the US pays off their house?

Middle class families in the US also typically don’t live like sardines in a can.