Vent about marrying someone from a very underdeveloped country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you trying to share a cautionary tale? I’m not sure what the point of your post is.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Op here. I think you're giving me too much credit. It's hard to sleep because I am overwhelmed. The mosque close by is constantly blaring music but it's really not normal music. They are singing verses from the Quran. They have a unique way to recite it. I am in a bed with my husband and two kids. All three are snoring. The mosquito net is secured well and I heard a strange animal outside I couldn't identify. Today there was a random cow I saw on the street. According to DH the cow wasn't lost. Most likely it wandered off its property and the owners will get him. I also was confused this evening when his family was discussing who would all go to Dhaka tomorrow because I recognized chicken in Bengali and names of family members. I asked why they were talking about chickens and if they would take the chickens to Dhaka. They thought it was hilarious. They were discussing who would stay home to babysit the chicken and rooster. Apparently, chickens fly over the concrete fence that's pretty high up. Who knew? Dhs family really wants to gift me a traditional three-price dress. We will go tomorrow to pick out the fabric and a tailor will custom make it. This is the way his sister usually purchases her clothes and I think it's common to still do this. The other types of clothes (the type we buy in the US ) are called ready-made. Another neat fact is furniture is sometimes made at your house right of if you and it is beautifully carved. It's easier to get it through the doorway. Their beds are typically huge because they co-sleep. Dh's nephew who is 11 sleeps with his mom and SIL and BIL sleep in another room. My MIL is sleeping with her sister right now who is visiting for two days.

Yes, we all know co-sleeping in a hut is common for billions of people in overcrowded, poor emerging market countries.
So what.

No one is forcing you to read every thread on DCUM!

I am enjoying her unprofessional cranky ramblings. I'd be doing the same thing in her place.

+1 click another topic, you don't have to read this!
Personally, I'm enjoying these descriptions

Same. I am NOT the OP (have Jeff check you paranoid people) and I do think these posts are a treat and I'm very invested in the OP's adventure. I'm the pp early in the thread who told her to go immediately to the airport! I'm glad she didn't!
Is anyone else checking maps of Bangladesh now? I have a friend from there (he's a US citizen) so it will be fun to catch up with him and ask him about memories of home. Unlike OP's husband his family all came over as well, so I think his memories will be 20 years out of date too.

Op here. Check out a photo I took from the car yesterday. It's a family of 4 riding on a motorcycle. Sometimes the female will sit sideways.

This morning we went to DHs 11 year old nephew's private school. Parents can hang out in the schoolyard all day and a lot of them do. The children line up and sing a song in front of their parents before school. There was also drumming. They have chairs in the courtyard for parents to sit. Some had younger kids and they were playing on the playground equipment. Our son was allowed to sit in his counting class for about an hour. We also saw some of DH's family there. I'm sure they would have been fine if he had been there all day.

Yesterday I was able to see so many different types of Bengali people. The majority are thin, have good teeth, and wear beautiful colors. DH wears XL here but in the US he's M. We also went to buy the fabric for a three piece dress for me. Today we will go to the tailor and she will custom make the dress pants and scarf for me. We are going to get a professional picture taken all together and some individuals ones for the kids.
I was surprised how attentive the retail workers are here. For example when I was looking for the fabric yesterday I noticed the worker would take unwrap it for the customer and they would sit and discuss if they liked it. One family was doing that with different fabrics for a long time. I would feel uncomfortable asking someone to look at so many different things. The people are definitely happier here. It has been a good learning experience and I think I will be more grateful when we return. I grew up upper middle class and we had a pretty big home. Most of my classmates were rich. They had entire wings of a house and due to that I felt insecure at times 😆 sounds so crazy now. Anyway I will be happier with our townhouse now. Buying anything more than that seems wasteful. I now understand why DH calls our house big.









https://ibb.co/NWzyCdg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for those in the know:

What would the US equivalent to OP's experience be? E.g. let's say OP were a Swiss woman visiting her American husband's family in their very humble abode in a city that draws no tourists at all.

I'm trying to envision what the city might be like. A very poor neighborhood in Jackson, Mississippi? A trailer park in Hagerstown? Rural West Texas?

I can answer this!! We had exchange students in 80s hs in a rural really sh!!t town. These kids were from European capitals. We were hicks. And poor. There was nothing to do on weekends. It was worse than footloose. Nobody had a car or a tractor to get around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is not claiming to speak for Bengalis. That's why this thread is interesting. She is perceiving it as a normal white woman. It's quite fascinating because she is really doing the real deal and not staying in hotels.

Someone started another thread on Bangladesh. No one was interested, because there's a unique perspective here that many of us can relate to. We can always Google Bangladesh if we want to learn the facts. I especially enjoy her pictures and impressions.

She's a foreigner and naturally will get some stuff wrong. But she has a good eye for detail and personality and I'm totally hooked.

Op here. I think you're giving me too much credit. It's hard to sleep because I am overwhelmed. The mosque close by is constantly blaring music but it's really not normal music. They are singing verses from the Quran. They have a unique way to recite it. I am in a bed with my husband and two kids. All three are snoring. The mosquito net is secured well and I heard a strange animal outside I couldn't identify. Today there was a random cow I saw on the street. According to DH the cow wasn't lost. Most likely it wandered off its property and the owners will get him. I also was confused this evening when his family was discussing who would all go to Dhaka tomorrow because I recognized chicken in Bengali and names of family members. I asked why they were talking about chickens and if they would take the chickens to Dhaka. They thought it was hilarious. They were discussing who would stay home to babysit the chicken and rooster. Apparently, chickens fly over the concrete fence that's pretty high up. Who knew? Dhs family really wants to gift me a traditional three-price dress. We will go tomorrow to pick out the fabric and a tailor will custom make it. This is the way his sister usually purchases her clothes and I think it's common to still do this. The other types of clothes (the type we buy in the US ) are called ready-made. Another neat fact is furniture is sometimes made at your house right of if you and it is beautifully carved. It's easier to get it through the doorway. Their beds are typically huge because they co-sleep. Dh's nephew who is 11 sleeps with his mom and SIL and BIL sleep in another room. My MIL is sleeping with her sister right now who is visiting for two days.

Yes, we all know co-sleeping in a hut is common for billions of people in overcrowded, poor emerging market countries.
So what.

No one is forcing you to read every thread on DCUM!

I am enjoying her unprofessional cranky ramblings. I'd be doing the same thing in her place.

+1 click another topic, you don't have to read this!
Personally, I'm enjoying these descriptions

Same. I am NOT the OP (have Jeff check you paranoid people) and I do think these posts are a treat and I'm very invested in the OP's adventure. I'm the pp early in the thread who told her to go immediately to the airport! I'm glad she didn't!
Is anyone else checking maps of Bangladesh now? I have a friend from there (he's a US citizen) so it will be fun to catch up with him and ask him about memories of home. Unlike OP's husband his family all came over as well, so I think his memories will be 20 years out of date too.

Op here. Check out a photo I took from the car yesterday. It's a family of 4 riding on a motorcycle. Sometimes the female will sit sideways.

This morning we went to DHs 11 year old nephew's private school. Parents can hang out in the schoolyard all day and a lot of them do. The children line up and sing a song in front of their parents before school. There was also drumming. They have chairs in the courtyard for parents to sit. Some had younger kids and they were playing on the playground equipment. Our son was allowed to sit in his counting class for about an hour. We also saw some of DH's family there. I'm sure they would have been fine if he had been there all day.

Yesterday I was able to see so many different types of Bengali people. The majority are thin, have good teeth, and wear beautiful colors. DH wears XL here but in the US he's M. We also went to buy the fabric for a three piece dress for me. Today we will go to the tailor and she will custom make the dress pants and scarf for me. We are going to get a professional picture taken all together and some individuals ones for the kids.
I was surprised how attentive the retail workers are here. For example when I was looking for the fabric yesterday I noticed the worker would take unwrap it for the customer and they would sit and discuss if they liked it. One family was doing that with different fabrics for a long time. I would feel uncomfortable asking someone to look at so many different things. The people are definitely happier here. It has been a good learning experience and I think I will be more grateful when we return. I grew up upper middle class and we had a pretty big home. Most of my classmates were rich. They had entire wings of a house and due to that I felt insecure at times 😆 sounds so crazy now. Anyway I will be happier with our townhouse now. Buying anything more than that seems wasteful. I now understand why DH calls our house big.









https://ibb.co/NWzyCdg

Thanks OP-
In addition to the perspective and pictures I'm really fascinated at how slowly they are living life. Hanging out in your kid's courtyard while they are at school? Don't they have things to do at home? Or is everything done by the $7 servants? This would drive me nuts. There are always things to do to make life better. I can't even sit in the car for a kid practice without agonizing over opportunity cost.

[Anonymous]

Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, they have needs, not necessarily wants.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you didn't do your research. This is on you for not communicating with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of journalists who spent time in Benghazi. You’ll survive Op.
Glad you have 24/7 internet and DCUM is not blocked.

They're there for work, and they have a purpose while they are there. I think part of what OP is feeling so bummed about is that she's just sort of *there* = she feels herself purposeless there, and can't even get out to go explore. (Or feels she can't.)

It's not really fair to compare someone who chose to be a war correspondent with a wife who came to visit her husband's family and now feels stuck. Most of us can relate to that - you're only judging because of where she's stuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, they have needs, not necessarily wants.

We were upper middle class in a country with similar socioeconomic conditions and a lot of these things in poor areas felt as foreign to us because we mostly lived in our own bubble. Our wealthier friends lived in their own bubbles and until we got to know each other in a profession school where merit was the only qualification, we had so many misconceptions about each other.

[Anonymous]

*professional school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, they have needs, not necessarily wants.

We were upper middle class in a country with similar socioeconomic conditions and a lot of these things in poor areas felt as foreign to us because we mostly lived in our own bubble. Our wealthier friends lived in their own bubbles and until we got to know each other in a profession school where merit was the only qualification, we had so many misconceptions about each other.

Well then. The critiques of OP need to stop if some of you would be stymied by these conditions in your own country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please google and look online for Bangladesh stats.
Op staying in a lowest class house and is portraying a most dismal state, which it is not.
It is a 3rd world country but a majority of Bengalis are very modern. The amenities and interiors of houses are very polished or high end.

Most third world countries have an upper class that lives a Western lifestyle and sends kids abroad for their education. While the masses starve and live in much more difficult conditions.

She's describing what seems like a pretty middle class life. They're not starving, they have access to WiFi and medical care, they have needs, not necessarily wants.

We were upper middle class in a country with similar socioeconomic conditions and a lot of these things in poor areas felt as foreign to us because we mostly lived in our own bubble. Our wealthier friends lived in their own bubbles and until we got to know each other in a profession school where merit was the only qualification, we had so many misconceptions about each other.

Well then. The critiques of OP need to stop if some of you would be stymied by these conditions in your own country.

Stymied by staying for a month at our in-laws, which is not a comfortable house, while our spouse was being kind of jerky, and we weren't able to just go somewhere for the day to see some things and have a little alone time? And we hated the food?

Yeah, I think most people would be struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its fun to see life in a different place from bewildered eyes of a person who clearly hasn't traveled much. I'm imagining if there is any intelligent live form on any other planet reading similar threads about visiting earth.

I travel a lot and read quite a bit of travel writing, and I'm finding OP's musings very charming. It's like reading a child's "what I did last summer" essay about her trip to Bangladesh with her parents. "In Bangladesh, people are skinnier. They wear bright colors. People in Bangladesh eat spicy food. It makes me feel sick. They have nice teeth! Whole families ride a motorcycle together. Bangladesh is poor. But people seem happy."

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe that OP is actually a white woman as she claims. She uses phrases that I have only heard from south Asians like “pulling my leg”, gifted, etc. Her manner of speaking and grammar reads as someone who grew up in Asia.