Things you wish you could say to a coworker

[Anonymous]

I wish I could tell mine that he is not an intern, he's a paid employee and therefore needs to actually work rather than goofing off all day. I also would like to tell him to stop pouncing on leftover food from every meeting (even ones that have nothing to do with him). Finally, I would like to tell him to stop taking the snacks and K cups my office provides home in his backpack. So tacky.

[Anonymous]

I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

[Anonymous]

STFU!! STFU!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

This. Plus, when you get something for a high-level review, that does not mean you need to comment on every comma. Unless there is something grammatically incorrect (there usually isn't), then I'm sending it to you for your substantive comments, not a debate about whether we should format according to Strunk & White or the Bluebook.

[Anonymous]

Please don't iron your clothes in the office.

[Anonymous]

Think strategically. Stop being so caught up in minutiae.

STFU.

I don't know what your problem is, but that look on your face is horrifying.

Everyone disagrees with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

It seems like that's the kind of message you could actually constructively share with a coworker. I'd word it a little softer to be palatable, but constructive feedback like that should be encouraged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

It seems like that's the kind of message you could actually constructively share with a coworker. I'd word it a little softer to be palatable, but constructive feedback like that should be encouraged.

Yeah, I've definitely said this before. It doesn't have to be rude or mean. I would like to say to our most-respected analyst: you're actually just a one trick pony. I've discovered your secret!

[Anonymous]

Don't IM me with every little thought and idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

It seems like that's the kind of message you could actually constructively share with a coworker. I'd word it a little softer to be palatable, but constructive feedback like that should be encouraged.

I agree. I'm a really conflict avoiding type, and I actually have said something like this to her before, but very watered down because I didn't want to ruffle feathers too much. She started bawling and went straight to our boss and boss's boss. Now I just avoid her because she's way too sensitive to bother with.

[Anonymous]

I can smell your period. I dont know what it is about your flow but I can smell it like clockwork. Its just so iron-y. Ive had 3 kids, I am not a sensitive smell person, I dont know what it is with your menstruation but its strong as fuck. 6 years now, can smell it every single month.

[Anonymous]

I really don't care about this job. You get so worked up about it, upset about every little thing, and you think I must care too because I'm the star employee. I don't. I'm just here for the paycheck, man. This plays shuts down tomorrow, I'll be fine.

It's just a freakin job, man.

[Anonymous]

Barrett - I don't know what it is that you're doing or not doing, but you smell. It was you the memo was about from HR. Also, please talk less.
Winnie - Get off the phone with your husband. He's been retired for three years now. That's plenty of time to find EVERYTHING in the house. Let him find it himself. Everyone makes fun of how you spend all day on the phone telling your husband where things are in the house.
Boyd - We all know you have various ass problems, what with the ass pillow you sit on, the personal wipes you stroll down the hall holding when going to the bathroom, and the tube of ointment you left on your desk that someone googled. Discretion would be your friend.
Lainey - The way you eat potato chips in meetings makes me want to slap you across the face. Stop taking teeny tiny nibbles and chewing with your mouth open. Or only eat soft foods.
Marcus - You are more phony than a three-dollar bill. Nobody likes you. Everyone finds you smarmy. Iris quit because of you. Gara is now miserable because she works with you.
Cory - None of the women like working with you because you invade their physical space. Do not come around someone else's desk. Do not scream at young associates, and ESPECIALLY do not do so while they are sitting and you are standing.

[Anonymous]

If you sneeze 8x in an hour, you are sick.

If you blow your nose 8x in an hour, you are sick.

If you cough 8x in an hour, you are sick.

Take medicine and/or go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you sneeze 8x in an hour, you are sick.

If you blow your nose 8x in an hour, you are sick.

If you cough 8x in an hour, you are sick.

Take medicine and/or go home.

People don't take sick days because they know the nosy, tattletale, bootlicking types love to walk around talking about how they NEVER take sick days, blah blah. You see it all the time on DCUM.