Things you wish you could say to a coworker

[Anonymous]

Spell check is your friend. One would think that you'd be embarrassed enough by all of the corrections I make to your work to use it, but no.

Climber coworker please stop finding petty errors with my work when it's your turn to supervise. It doesn't make you look smart, it makes you look like you are too afraid to tackle legit problems.

Annoying, insecure, always chipper boss please stop leaning on me so much. I am three levels below you and it's not my responsibility to teach you how to do your job. You knew you weren't qualified when you took it.

Anxiety dog owner, you don't have anxiety issues. You are simply high maintenance and attention seeking. I feel for your dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could tell mine that he is not an intern, he's a paid employee and therefore needs to actually work rather than goofing off all day. I also would like to tell him to stop pouncing on leftover food from every meeting (even ones that have nothing to do with him). Finally, I would like to tell him to stop taking the snacks and K cups my office provides home in his backpack. So tacky.

put your cleavage back under a shirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish I could tell mine that he is not an intern, he's a paid employee and therefore needs to actually work rather than goofing off all day. I also would like to tell him to stop pouncing on leftover food from every meeting (even ones that have nothing to do with him). Finally, I would like to tell him to stop taking the snacks and K cups my office provides home in his backpack. So tacky.

I'm surprised he doesn't have a lunch box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:D, the kids do not think you are cool when you tell them you don't know how to do math while you are teaching math class.
They aren't laughing with you. They don't think it is cool that you just give them As on tests when they complain that you never went over what was on the test (ie, because you don't know how to do math; in your words to them, "I'm not a math teacher, I'm a coach"). There is a faction of parents who hate you, and every year parents come in to plead that their kid doesn't end up in your class next year. I'm not even a math teacher, and I am sick of hearing parents complain to me about you at conferences for my own subject, and I am sorry for the kids who come into to my class each day complaining about you.

We all get it: you are a superstar coach, and the director thinks you are cool and wants to be your friend. But kids, teachers, and parents don't think you are a loser. Nobody talks about your coaching prowess; many people talk about what a moron you are, and the damage you are doing by robbing kids of a year of math.

Your stupid grammar mistakes in staff emails are deplorable as well.

And I resent you for every penny I paid my ds's tutor the year he was in your "class."

And I am not going to tell anyone that kids have started a youtube channel on which they post your "math class" each day.

Please post the youtube channel, please.

[Anonymous]

To my boss: PLEASE stop being so afraid. Our department is doing well so don't be so afraid of a few of your colleagues, of your boss, etc. It's aggravating and paralyzing.

[Anonymous]

Please don't floss in the office.I saw my boss flossing and smelling the floss.I am developing anxiety just thinking about it.gross

[Anonymous]

Understand that once I'm gone, you're the boss' next target b/c the narcissist is loyal to only him/herself.

[Anonymous]

i can't believe you make half what i do. i know my degree is fancier but you work WAY harder than I do, and I know it. and you're vital to the functioning of the office. Add to that that you're a single mom, involved in the PTA, and generally the sweetest and most positive person in the office. I wish i could do something other than bring you cupcakes from time to time. Can we be besties?

[Anonymous]

cut your goddamned fingernails and stop walking around here like you're better than everyone else, because you're actually two steps below the rest of our paygrades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "you're an excellent researcher, but you go about an inch wide and 10 miles deep down rabbit holes that never produce conclusions." I just want to shake her at the shoulders and say, "LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE!"

It seems like that's the kind of message you could actually constructively share with a coworker. I'd word it a little softer to be palatable, but constructive feedback like that should be encouraged.

I agree. I'm a really conflict avoiding type, and I actually have said something like this to her before, but very watered down because I didn't want to ruffle feathers too much. She started bawling and went straight to our boss and boss's boss. Now I just avoid her because she's way too sensitive to bother with.

Well, researcher here. And I guess I'm glad it wasn't me, based on this response. But this is EXACTLY what I would hope someone would tell me if it were the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can smell your period. I dont know what it is about your flow but I can smell it like clockwork. Its just so iron-y. Ive had 3 kids, I am not a sensitive smell person, I dont know what it is with your menstruation but its strong as fuck. 6 years now, can smell it every single month.

[Anonymous]

You've worked here for less than a year and even though you think you know everything, you don't.

You're incompetent and lazy.

Stop popping your f*&$^ng gum! It's trashy, annoying, and makes you seem unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't floss in the office.I saw my boss flossing and smelling the floss.I am developing anxiety just thinki
ng about it.gross

Omg!!
I think we work at the same place.please floss in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i can't believe you make half what i do. i know my degree is fancier but you work WAY harder than I do, and I know it. and you're vital to the functioning of the office. Add to that that you're a single mom, involved in the PTA, and generally the sweetest and most positive person in the office. I wish i could do something other than bring you cupcakes from time to time. Can we be besties?

Love this. thanks for posting.

[Anonymous]

Stop talking to me while we both pee.