Things you wish you could say to a coworker

[Anonymous]

Stop complaining every time they tweak the workflow or add a new type of account to our queue. This is our JOB. We both know it's sooooo easy, pay is decent, work from home. You sound like a whiney child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say, "I CAN'T BELIEVE you get paid more than I do."

There are some true injustices in the gov't world.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Just because you work in a cube, doesn't mean that you have complete privacy. I can hear every single word of your very personal phone conversations and I'm very worried about your DD, too. The fact that she has a parole officer now? Robbery, again? Embarrassed to know all of this, especially since we don't actually interact.

[Anonymous]

You're nuts. But smart. You're good at your job, but I'd never ever ever want to work for you. You've alienated anyone you've ever tried to mentor. Take a hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't iron your clothes in the office.

Someone actually does this? I can't believe that it hasn't been brought to attention due to it being a fire hazard

[Anonymous]

Your breath almost always reeks. Please stopping talking to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't iron your clothes in the office.

Someone actually does this? I can't believe that it hasn't been brought to attention due to it being a fire hazard

He's a partner so no one says anything. But you can see his feet in socks and the legs of the ironing board below the frosted part of the doors to his office. So strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Barrett - I don't know what it is that you're doing or not doing, but you smell. It was you the memo was about from HR. Also, please talk less.
Winnie - Get off the phone with your husband. He's been retired for three years now. That's plenty of time to find EVERYTHING in the house. Let him find it himself. Everyone makes fun of how you spend all day on the phone telling your husband where things are in the house.
Boyd - We all know you have various ass problems, what with the ass pillow you sit on, the personal wipes you stroll down the hall holding when going to the bathroom, and the tube of ointment you left on your desk that someone googled. Discretion would be your friend.
Lainey - The way you eat potato chips in meetings makes me want to slap you across the face. Stop taking teeny tiny nibbles and chewing with your mouth open. Or only eat soft foods.
Marcus - You are more phony than a three-dollar bill. Nobody likes you. Everyone finds you smarmy. Iris quit because of you. Gara is now miserable because she works with you.
Cory - None of the women like working with you because you invade their physical space. Do not come around someone else's desk. Do not scream at young associates, and ESPECIALLY do not do so while they are sitting and you are standing.

You should work from home.

[Anonymous]

Stop apologizing for being late. You're clearly not sorry.

[Anonymous]

The walls are paper thin. Please, please don’t clip your fingernails at work.

[Anonymous]

Please stop shirking work and saying, "well I agreed to do XYZ" when you forget about the thing you said youd do

[Anonymous]

Please just don't talk to me anymore. I can't handle the sheer stupidity of everything that comes out of your mouth or the whiny passive aggressive approach you take to everything.

[Anonymous]

F-me.

[Anonymous]

"Thank you! You're all so helpful and kind!"

Oh wait. I do say that

I've only had one truly crazy co-worker. I still see her daughter at school (same as my daughter's) and wonder what is going on in that house and how traumatized the poor thing must be. Unless my co-worker has lost custody by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think the reason no one agrees with you is because you are a self-alleged contrarian, but it is really due to your utter incompetence and short temper to cover it up.

Shit, you work at the white house?