Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I want to save my marriage. I want the intact family unit. If you have been in a similar situation, how did you get over your AP and fall back in love with your spouse? BTW - spouse does not know about affair and I am not going to tell them.

[Anonymous]

You need to go to individual therapy to find out why you had the affair. Cheating is like drinking you can't stop without help. Cheating is also like drinking, you don't do it because your spouse is not perfect.

[Anonymous]

I never fell back in love with my spouse, but I took inventory of what I had, and made the rational decision that it was worth it to stick it out for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Cutting my AP out and reconnecting sexually with spouse was the most important strategy. Also, my spouse never found out so that helped. We are 4 years post affair and no one wiser

[Anonymous]

As long as he doesn't know, anything is possible. But if he finds out, all bets are off. Most men will either bolt, or if they choose to stay, will seek out an affair of their own.

It's a very rare man who will accept being cheated on and then just let it go. And that kind of pushover is a total turnoff anyway, and most women I know would eventually resent a weak man like that.

I'm not going to tell people not to have affairs, but I'll definitely tell them to keep it s secret.

[Anonymous]

An affair has the effect of shaking up the marriage and forcing you both to take a look at what you both need to do to reconnect. But you have be willing to take responsibility for your actions, be accountable, and do the work to win back the trust.

The biggest betrayal in infidelity is dishonesty. You need to be upfront about it instead of keeping it from your spouse. You'll never be able to work on the connection otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Date your spouse instead of your AP. Every day look at your spouse like you've never seen them before, and think about what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Just remember, your marriage will never be the same again, even if your spouse doesn't know about the affair, so you need to find a newer, deeper love for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date your spouse instead of your AP. Every day look at your spouse like you've never seen them before, and think about what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Just remember, your marriage will never be the same again, even if your spouse doesn't know about the affair, so you need to find a newer, deeper love for them.

What if the physical connection is the reason I fell in love, and now that physical connection is gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to save my marriage. I want the intact family unit. If you have been in a similar situation, how did you get over your AP and fall back in love with your spouse? BTW - spouse does not know about affair and I am not going to tell them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Date your spouse instead of your AP. Every day look at your spouse like you've never seen them before, and think about what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Just remember, your marriage will never be the same again, even if your spouse doesn't know about the affair, so you need to find a newer, deeper love for them.

What if the physical connection is the reason I fell in love, and now that physical connection is gone?

NP here. You prove why I don't believe in "falling in love". Women wasting away due to fairy tales when they need to get their $$$$ right. Love to most is nothing but lust plus circumstance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date your spouse instead of your AP. Every day look at your spouse like you've never seen them before, and think about what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Just remember, your marriage will never be the same again, even if your spouse doesn't know about the affair, so you need to find a newer, deeper love for them.

You are assuming OP is a woman. Perhaps this is how women need to process things.

Men have affairs all the time and it has no effect on how or whether they love their wives. If OP is a man, he needs to reconnect sexually with his wife, cut out contact with AP and plan exciting date nights.

[Anonymous]

PP has it right.

OP - are you a man or woman? Betting on the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP has it right.

OP - are you a man or woman? Betting on the latter.

a nasty woman

[Anonymous]

70% of people have affairs. Humans are not monogamous. People need to get their jeads out ofbthr sand and realize this. Monogamy is a cultural construct that our culture has adopted.

Would i be upset if my DH had an affair? Yes. Would it be the end of my marriage? No.

[Anonymous]

Go to survivinginfidelity.com, there's a forum for wayward spouses.