Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:70% of people have affairs. Humans are not monogamous. People need to get their jeads out ofbthr sand and realize this. Monogamy is a cultural construct that our culture has adopted.

Would i be upset if my DH had an affair? Yes. Would it be the end of my marriage? No.

The problem is not monogamy, the problem is lying, dumbass.

Cool with your husband cheating? Bully for you. I don't judge you, so don't judge someone who says, nope- not gonna stand for it.

And unprotected sex

[Anonymous]

Yeah. Ok.

Find out you spouse had a multiple year affair and let me know how that goes for you.

PTSD. That’s what happens.

No matter what you think, it’s absolutely devastating the destruction it causes.

[Anonymous]

How does it affect my marriage that my spouse has no clue and it was years ago? We are happy and thriving. There is statistically and even chance your spouse cheated on you and you have no clue.

You are not the only one who knows. There are SO MANY stories of spouses finding out about affairs years after the fact. The continued lying only makes it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never fell back in love with my spouse, but I took inventory of what I had, and made the rational decision that it was worth it to stick it out for awhile.

Aren’t they lucky? You are a real gem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An affair has the effect of shaking up the marriage and forcing you both to take a look at what you both need to do to reconnect. But you have be willing to take responsibility for your actions, be accountable, and do the work to win back the trust.

The biggest betrayal in infidelity is dishonesty. You need to be upfront about it instead of keeping it from your spouse. You'll never be able to work on the connection otherwise.

Give them the chance to make their OWN decision about staying or leaving.

[Anonymous]

My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

You sound like your really need counseling. Your whole post is about you and the effects on you of your spouse finding out. Classic "wayward" thinking. Someone about recommended surviving infidelity.com - you should go there and read in the wayward forum to see how you can fix yourself and help heal your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Go to survivinginfidelity.com, there's a forum for wayward spouses.

+1 You will find lots of good advice here (even though some of it may be hard to read because it will force you to confront your cheater ways).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.

Why would you want to ruin someone’s life like that? Both of them and their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.

Why would you want to ruin someone’s life like that? Both of them and their kids.

I’m guessing the AP already told the spouse and headed them off at the pass by telling you. You’d have to be certifiable not to think there wouldn’t be blowback.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cutting my AP out and reconnecting sexually with spouse was the most important strategy. Also, my spouse never found out so that helped. We are 4 years post affair and no one wiser

Were you intimate with spouse during affair? I wasn't, my wife had cut me off before which led to affair. I broke of my affair, and trying to reconnect sexually with wife but she still isn't interested in sex so I am stuck.

[Anonymous]

That's the problem, I would never want sex after my spouse cheated on me.

Sometimes you have to stay because of finances and family, but I would be emotionally done. Fake it till you make it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.

Why would you want to ruin someone’s life like that? Both of them and their kids.

Ask her the same question?

Ask my kids?

She destroyed my life. She doesn’t get to just walk away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.

Why would you want to ruin someone’s life like that? Both of them and their kids.

I’m guessing the AP already told the spouse and headed them off at the pass by telling you. You’d have to be certifiable not to think there wouldn’t be blowback.

No. She didn’t tell me. I discovered the affair. She’s sitting in fear right now because she doesn’t have a job and this is her 2nd affair. My husband was her 2nd. I talked to her in the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

l

He wishes you would die right now. It would make things easier. Trust me. Been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.

Why would you want to ruin someone’s life like that? Both of them and their kids.

Ask her the same question?

Ask my kids?

She destroyed my life. She doesn’t get to just walk away.

How did she destroy your life? By dumping you to be back to her family? Or by telling your spouse, and if so, why?