Unfaithful Spouse, how did you get over affair and save your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:70% of people have affairs. Humans are not monogamous. People need to get their jeads out ofbthr sand and realize this. Monogamy is a cultural construct that our culture has adopted.

Would i be upset if my DH had an affair? Yes. Would it be the end of my marriage? No.

Interesting, I feel the same way and I am a man. It seems like such a dumb reason to end an otherwise good marriage. Note the reference to "otherwise good" since many women who have affairs are unhappy at home where men do it mostly for the sex.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

DO NOT DO THIS



It IS your decision to make, alone. You had the affair, you did that alone. Now you stop it. Alone.

Letting him know crosses a Rubicon that can NEVER BE UNCROSSED. Do not do this. If he finds out on his own, so be it. Deal with that if it happens. But don't force it by telling him. Think of it as protecting him, if you must. But don't tell him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

People in affairs think, "I'm not hurting my spouse because he/she doesn't know." But the secrecy and detachment profoundly affect a marriage even if the betrayed spouse is completely in the dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

DO NOT DO THIS



It IS your decision to make, alone. You had the affair, you did that alone. Now you stop it. Alone.

Letting him know crosses a Rubicon that can NEVER BE UNCROSSED. Do not do this. If he finds out on his own, so be it. Deal with that if it happens. But don't force it by telling him. Think of it as protecting him, if you must. But don't tell him.

The big assumption here is that he does not know and will never find out.

[Anonymous]

If this was me, I don't think I would ever be able to fall in love with my husband again unless I told him about the affair, and we somehow worked it out. I would feel tremendous guilt for the rest of my life. But that is just me. I am a horrible liar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:70% of people have affairs. Humans are not monogamous. People need to get their jeads out ofbthr sand and realize this. Monogamy is a cultural construct that our culture has adopted.

Would i be upset if my DH had an affair? Yes. Would it be the end of my marriage? No.

The problem is not monogamy, the problem is lying, dumbass.

Cool with your husband cheating? Bully for you. I don't judge you, so don't judge someone who says, nope- not gonna stand for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

People in affairs think, "I'm not hurting my spouse because he/she doesn't know." But the secrecy and detachment profoundly affect a marriage even if the betrayed spouse is completely in the dark[i].

+100. You can't have an affair and not have it affect the marriage even if the spouse never finds out...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

People in affairs think, "I'm not hurting my spouse because he/she doesn't know." But the secrecy and detachment profoundly affect a marriage even if the betrayed spouse is completely in the dark[i].

+100. You can't have an affair and not have it affect the marriage even if the spouse never finds out...

How does it affect my marriage that my spouse has no clue and it was years ago? We are happy and thriving. There is statistically and even chance your spouse cheated on you and you have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

People in affairs think, "I'm not hurting my spouse because he/she doesn't know." But the secrecy and detachment profoundly affect a marriage even if the betrayed spouse is completely in the dark[i].

+100. You can't have an affair and not have it affect the marriage even if the spouse never finds out...

How does it affect my marriage that my spouse has no clue and it was years ago? We are happy and thriving. There is statistically and even chance your spouse cheated on you and you have no clue.

During that time you put less energy into your relationship and lied and it hurt your spouse but you were too selfish to notice.

Glad you cleaned up your act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to come clean with your spouse. This doesn't always end a marriage, but this is not your decision to make alone.

Terrible decision. Is he happy? Then why upend his life. This is your burden to bear, OP. People who confess to their spouse are selfish jerks. They do it to unburden themselves, and place the angst on their betrayed spouse.

Take it to the grave and be a good wife.

Disagree- the cheating itself was selfish and hurtful to your spouse. Your spouse is not a child who needs to be protected. He/she is an adult in a relationship presumably based on trust and respect and deserves to know about this and make his/her own decisions about whether the marriage is worth saving. Plus, it is hard to really "save" a marriage without honesty and open discussion between both people.

[Anonymous]

My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

[Anonymous]

Does the person you had the affair with spouse know???

It might not be up to you to keep it a secret.

Be prepared it may get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My affair ended and then years later my AP contacted my spouse to confess and explain all the details. My spouse is not talking to me, angry and depressed, refuses counseling and seems to not care if I go to counseling individually. I don’t think either of us wants to break up, we have young kids and a fine marriage, but don’t know how to move forward. Is it better for kids to see the distance between us, or better to split and find happiness again?

Bravo!

That’s my plan as well. I’m too emotional and the whore wrecked my world.

Once I heal and get my act together I will provide her husband with all of the nasty details.