My sister just tried to stage a parenting intervention with me, basically

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to screw herself.

And in 10 years you can compare which colleges/universities and degrees each of these kids are graduating from.

I guarantee helicopter mom will be surprised.

Came here to say exactly this. Not only college, but life in general. Her kids are going to go off the rails. Just say thank you for your concern and move on. Not worth talking to her about it.

While I think OP can rightly walk away and no one should push parenting styles on other families, this is just not true. Childhood obesity is a real issue. Screen time addiction is a real thing. Inability of kids to socialize and talk to one another because they're buried in an iPad is a real thing. Sister may be overboard but her concerns are valid. And I doubt the fact that OP lets her kids eat Burger King and has no limits on screen time is an indicator of them being more equipped for college. Please.

No they aren’t valid. There is no indication that OP’s kids are fat or screen-addicted.

They are absolutely valid. Sister has a right to be concerned about her own children's screen time and diet. No one cares what OP does with her own kids, and OP can tell her sister that. But the line of thinking that someone OP's laissez faire attitude about her kids' behavior is a beeline to collegiate success is nonsense.

Letting your kids have fries or play on an ipad isn’t “laissez faire.” It’s … normal? Common? You can be an attentive parent AND go to Burger King occasionally!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be extra careful not to create envy in her poor children - so no pulling out of iPads, no walking in with fries, etc. It’s good for your kids to have a detox from all that, frankly. You don’t need to live like this all year - just when your families get together.

I think OP's sister was way out of line, but I would do the same thing anyway. Let them eat whatever you want when they are with you, sure, but not in front of them. And no screens outside of your cottage. It's not like it will hurt them to have a little less screen time -- they can play a game with their cousins or read a book or help make dinner or whatever together. But I'd do it because (1) less screen time is better anyway, (2) if they don't get a lot of time with their cousins, I'd rather they were spending time with them instead of glued to a screen anyway, and (3) I was raised that flaunting things in front of people who don't have them is unkind. The cousins can't help their parents' rules; show them a little grace by doing things they can participate in.

PP you replied to. You said it so much better!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to screw herself.

And in 10 years you can compare which colleges/universities and degrees each of these kids are graduating from.

I guarantee helicopter mom will be surprised.

Came here to say exactly this. Not only college, but life in general. Her kids are going to go off the rails. Just say thank you for your concern and move on. Not worth talking to her about it.

While I think OP can rightly walk away and no one should push parenting styles on other families, this is just not true. Childhood obesity is a real issue. Screen time addiction is a real thing. Inability of kids to socialize and talk to one another because they're buried in an iPad is a real thing. Sister may be overboard but her concerns are valid. And I doubt the fact that OP lets her kids eat Burger King and has no limits on screen time is an indicator of them being more equipped for college. Please.

No they aren’t valid. There is no indication that OP’s kids are fat or screen-addicted.

They are absolutely valid. Sister has a right to be concerned about her own children's screen time and diet. No one cares what OP does with her own kids, and OP can tell her sister that. But the line of thinking that someone OP's laissez faire attitude about her kids' behavior is a beeline to collegiate success is nonsense.

Letting your kids have fries or play on an ipad isn’t “laissez faire.” It’s … normal? Common? You can be an attentive parent AND go to Burger King occasionally!

OP has already said that her screen time oversight is lax. She sounds incredibly laissez faire. And TBH, letting kids shovel BK in the car is clearly a sign that they eat it to much. That said, no one can tell OP what to do with her kids - not even her sister. But you missed the point. The point, and this entire response, was to prior PPs comment stating that future college success of these cousins would clearly show OPs parenting style as superior, or alluding to that. Nonsense. You cannot claim that OP's kids will have a better college trajectory based on this limited view of their parenting or kids' lives. That's total BS and makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

[Anonymous]

Ask her how her OCD treatment is going and act surprised when she says she isn’t getting any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

Every child goes bonkers when they see junk food. It has scientifically been proven to be a drug. Sugar is a drug. Food is a drug. Lays has spent millions of dollars fabricating Doritos in a lab in such a way that your brain is triggered to keep wanting more. That multibillion dollar industry is what makes junk food so hard to put down. And that is why some parents don't want their kids to eat it - because it's so hard to stop. For many people, they cannot outsmart food manufacturers so they opt not to keep that crap in their homes. Because these companies have made it a completely unlevel playing field. So all kids love junk. They are hardwired to do so. How much you allow them to eat is up to the parent. But why are you judging other parents for trying to do their best and keep it away from their kids? You're both trying to act in their best interest so why don't you give deference to each mom in that she knows her kid and family best?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for your concern, but I'm not going to get into a debate about parenting methods."

And then:

"Again, thanks for your concern, but like I said, I'm not going to debate parenting methods. Please stop bringing this up."

And then:

"We've talked about this: stop bringing this up."

After that, if she brings it up, either immediately change the subject ("What's your favorite summer drink?") or just straight up leave the room.

[b]Just because someone tries to hand you a bag of dog sh!t doesn't mean you have to take it from them[i].

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Not all children go bonkers when they see junk food. My children have it available at all times and they often pass on it. We have bags of Doritos sitting in front of everyone for days or weeks on end. Impossible, according to you.

Food is not a drug, that's just a metaphor of dubious utility. I don't judge people for trying to do best for their children. Honestly, I don't care. I am just telling what I am seeing. Which is that it largely does not work. Like, at all. The only child that I know where it kind of worked is, at 9, an obsessive health nut that all other children run away from.

[Anonymous]

I would not change what your kids enjoy. It is their vacation too. Your sister can explain to her kids why they are not allowed certain things. I would ignore her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

Every child goes bonkers when they see junk food. It has scientifically been proven to be a drug. Sugar is a drug. Food is a drug. Lays has spent millions of dollars fabricating Doritos in a lab in such a way that your brain is triggered to keep wanting more. That multibillion dollar industry is what makes junk food so hard to put down. And that is why some parents don't want their kids to eat it - because it's so hard to stop. For many people, they cannot outsmart food manufacturers so they opt not to keep that crap in their homes. Because these companies have made it a completely unlevel playing field. So all kids love junk. They are hardwired to do so. How much you allow them to eat is up to the parent. But why are you judging other parents for trying to do their best and keep it away from their kids? You're both trying to act in their best interest so why don't you give deference to each mom in that she knows her kid and family best?

Which is why you allow some limited consumption. So the kids don't go bonkers when they are out of sight.

OP, I would do a compromise. Your kids get to do what is normal for them, but you promise not to bring junk food inside for the trip. She goes and does something else with her kids during ipad time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to screw herself.

And in 10 years you can compare which colleges/universities and degrees each of these kids are graduating from.

I guarantee helicopter mom will be surprised.

Came here to say exactly this. Not only college, but life in general. Her kids are going to go off the rails. Just say thank you for your concern and move on. Not worth talking to her about it.

While I think OP can rightly walk away and no one should push parenting styles on other families, this is just not true. Childhood obesity is a real issue. Screen time addiction is a real thing. Inability of kids to socialize and talk to one another because they're buried in an iPad is a real thing. Sister may be overboard but her concerns are valid. And I doubt the fact that OP lets her kids eat Burger King and has no limits on screen time is an indicator of them being more equipped for college. Please.

No they aren’t valid. There is no indication that OP’s kids are fat or screen-addicted.

They are absolutely valid. Sister has a right to be concerned about her own children's screen time and diet. No one cares what OP does with her own kids, and OP can tell her sister that. But the line of thinking that someone OP's laissez faire attitude about her kids' behavior is a beeline to collegiate success is nonsense.

Letting your kids have fries or play on an ipad isn’t “laissez faire.” It’s … normal? Common? You can be an attentive parent AND go to Burger King occasionally!

OP has already said that her screen time oversight is lax. She sounds incredibly laissez faire. And TBH, letting kids shovel BK in the car is clearly a sign that they eat it to much. That said, no one can tell OP what to do with her kids - not even her sister. But you missed the point. The point, and this entire response, was to prior PPs comment stating that future college success of these cousins would clearly show OPs parenting style as superior, or alluding to that. Nonsense. You cannot claim that OP's kids will have a better college trajectory based on this limited view of their parenting or kids' lives. That's total BS and makes zero sense.

The issue is that sister thinks her parenting style *does* result in better outcomes. That is equally false. Neither parenting style is superior. It is clear you think that eating BK in the car on vacation indicates they eat fast food a lot, but I find that bizarre. The only time we eat fast food is on vacation, because it is vacation! Especially long road trips or needing to grab a quick bite around an activity. And there is nothing to indicate OP’s kids have a screen free for all....but SIL doesn’t seem to allow any screens ever, which is super weird. How did her kids socialize during COVID? Everyone I know let their kids play Minecraft with their friends over FaceTime since they couldn’t play in person. It’s particularly odd to have a zero use rule now.

It also sounds like OP’s kids are better adjusted/more “normal” socially and that might well result in better outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

+1 We have a big unmonitored bowl of candy that my kid is welcome to eat. She rarely touches it, but if I don't hide it before her friends come over, they will devour it. I grew up in a no tv/no sugar household and as a result am not strict about that stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

Every child goes bonkers when they see junk food. It has scientifically been proven to be a drug. Sugar is a drug. Food is a drug. Lays has spent millions of dollars fabricating Doritos in a lab in such a way that your brain is triggered to keep wanting more. That multibillion dollar industry is what makes junk food so hard to put down. And that is why some parents don't want their kids to eat it - because it's so hard to stop. For many people, they cannot outsmart food manufacturers so they opt not to keep that crap in their homes. Because these companies have made it a completely unlevel playing field. So all kids love junk. They are hardwired to do so. How much you allow them to eat is up to the parent. But why are you judging other parents for trying to do their best and keep it away from their kids? You're both trying to act in their best interest so why don't you give deference to each mom in that she knows her kid and family best?

It doesn’t sound like OP did confront her sister about her stricter parenting methods. It was the sister that criticized OP and is making a fuss. I agree, the sister should respect OPs decisions and lay off.

Also, while junk food is definitely addictive let’s not pretend that there are many, many kids who can enjoy treats without going off the rails. My kids can easily enjoy a healthy dinner and then also enjoy a scoop of ice cream or a handful of potato chips. In my opinion, there is value in teaching kids how to make food choices rather than eliminate all “bad” foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to screw herself.

And in 10 years you can compare which colleges/universities and degrees each of these kids are graduating from.

I guarantee helicopter mom will be surprised.

Why is this same sort of snark parroted here over and over? It's really not "helicopter" -- and by they you mean crazy and overbearing -- to not let you children eat garbage fast food and not let them become addicted to iPads/iPhones. It's actually HEALTHY and RESPONSIBLE. It's EASY to be a lazy ass parent who lets your kids be dullards who leave you alone while they're addicted to junk food, video games, iPads and whatever degeneracy and filth they can find online.

And then as a coping mechanism, you cling to the idea the kids raised better than yours will ACTUALLY turn out to be failures! I suspect you're the same trolls who obsessively post in the private school forum the same tired cliches about private school kids all being drug addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my friends’ kids whose parents are strict about their diet go completely bonkers when they see junk food. I had kids literally stuff their pocket with junk lying around our house unnoticed. The parents claims the child doesn’t like sweets only fruit, meanwhile the child is stuffing her pockets fill out airheads.

I think it’s upsetting to these people to see how much their children still want all that junk.

Every child goes bonkers when they see junk food. It has scientifically been proven to be a drug. Sugar is a drug. Food is a drug. Lays has spent millions of dollars fabricating Doritos in a lab in such a way that your brain is triggered to keep wanting more. That multibillion dollar industry is what makes junk food so hard to put down. And that is why some parents don't want their kids to eat it - because it's so hard to stop. For many people, they cannot outsmart food manufacturers so they opt not to keep that crap in their homes. Because these companies have made it a completely unlevel playing field. So all kids love junk. They are hardwired to do so. How much you allow them to eat is up to the parent. But why are you judging other parents for trying to do their best and keep it away from their kids? You're both trying to act in their best interest so why don't you give deference to each mom in that she knows her kid and family best?

More lies and coping by the lazy parent echo chamber. You act like families who don't eat fast food and other garbage eat plain raw oatmeal 3 meals a day. My kids eat delicious food. We just do not feed them garbage.

Sorry, but stocking Doritos, sugary drinks, and candy in your house is just low class. If you fail to realize this it's because you're low class.