My sister just tried to stage a parenting intervention with me, basically

[Anonymous]

She basically wants you to help her enforce her extreme standards. Lolz no. Her standards her problem. Shouldn’t her superior methods are yielding their own reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be extra careful not to create envy in her poor children - so no pulling out of iPads, no walking in with fries, etc. It’s good for your kids to have a detox from all that, frankly. You don’t need to live like this all year - just when your families get together.

I’d go the other way and stop trying to accommodate by doing things like eating in the car. Your last sentence could apply to sister, too. A couple movies and some junk food during a week of vacation is not going to hurt her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go out and get the kids some Mickey D’s in response. And have them eat it in front of her kids.

(I wouldn’t do this. But I’m close enough to my sister that I’d tell her to back off and MYOB and it wouldn’t blow up our relationship).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be so tempted to tell her to FO. But not very productive!

NP. I’d definitely tell her to FO, but that’s probably why she wouldn’t pull this with me in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When cousins are together on vacation, there's a sense that yes, they're part of the same family--but then different family rules and parenting decisions are more obvious. It makes it hard for the more strict parents to uphold their own particular standards, and that may have made your sister defensive about her own choices. Nonetheless, it was rude of her to challenge you.

You certainly don't have to change your own parenting, but just be aware that life will be easier for everyone if you are separate for the things you do differently. (Food, media, bedtimes, souvenirs, etc.) We've had vacations with cousins where the other kids came back from a nuclear family outing with ice cream and expensive souvenirs. Even if we love ice cream and are OK with souvenirs (but might have picked cheaper ones), the contrast in the moment of the haves and the have-nots is unpleasant.

I hear you, but it's times like these that make your kids better people. They get to learn that they don't get everything all the time. Remind them that on another day, they'll be the ones coming back with ice cream and souvenirs and their cousins will be empty-handed. Teach them about how bad it is to have immediate gratification on everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would be extra careful not to create envy in her poor children - so no pulling out of iPads, no walking in with fries, etc. It’s good for your kids to have a detox from all that, frankly. You don’t need to live like this all year - just when your families get together.

I’d go the other way and stop trying to accommodate by doing things like eating in the car. Your last sentence could apply to sister, too. A couple movies and some junk food during a week of vacation is not going to hurt her kids.

+1

It would be over after those comments. I would go about our life as usual and wouldn’t accommodate her craziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are your kids overweight and addicted to screens? Look in a mirror.

She might not have been right to say anything but I'm sure there is a problem on your end too.

Miss Marple has entered the chat.

Please don’t insult Miss Marple. Maybe more like an Inspector Morse.

[Anonymous]

I'm more like your sister, but I'm trying to understand why she would vacation with you. Even for a parent's birthday, we wouldn't do it. We'd do a celebration with them on our own, and let you do yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Thanks for your concern, but I'm not going to get into a debate about parenting methods."

And then:

"Again, thanks for your concern, but like I said, I'm not going to debate parenting methods. Please stop bringing this up."

And then:

"We've talked about this: stop bringing this up."

After that, if she brings it up, either immediately change the subject ("What's your favorite summer drink?") or just straight up leave the room.

Just because someone tries to hand you a bag of dog sh!t doesn't mean you have to take it from them.

This. Print it and say it. And then take your kids out for McDonalds.

[Anonymous]

She's a jerk, sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to screw herself.

And in 10 years you can compare which colleges/universities and degrees each of these kids are graduating from.

I guarantee helicopter mom will be surprised.

Came here to say exactly this. Not only college, but life in general. Her kids are going to go off the rails. Just say thank you for your concern and move on. Not worth talking to her about it.

[Anonymous]

She sounds awful, OP. I’m going home to visit my family this weekend. I love them dearly. But they are super-conservative, southern baptist, judgy Republicans who all live in the same little town. I’m a pot smoking, liberal, Dem. And a witch. And I cuss a little. I’ve had lots of “interventions”. No real advice. Just understanding. Remember, it’s only a few days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more like your sister, but I'm trying to understand why she would vacation with you. Even for a parent's birthday, we wouldn't do it. We'd do a celebration with them on our own, and let you do yours.

Oh, I think this will probably be the last time OP vacations with the sanctimommy and her crew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm more like your sister, but I'm trying to understand why she would vacation with you. Even for a parent's birthday, we wouldn't do it. We'd do a celebration with them on our own, and let you do yours.

You wouldn’t allow your parents the opportunity to have one single vacation with the whole family to celebrate 50 years of marriage because of ice cream and screen time? I’m a little uptight in various ways, I admit, but I could suck it up and keep my mouth shut for a few days to give my parents what they wish for.

[Anonymous]

I would acknowledge you realize it makes it tougher for her to enforce her rules, (which is really what this is about since she shows no concern for your kids well m-being the other 11 months of the year), tell her you’ll try to have your kids not flaunt their stuff in front of her kids, but maybe she should also try relaxing her rules a bit since this is a once in a blue moon vacation. Movie example sounds like a great compromise. Maybe you can both agree to let the grandparents decide.